I have nothing to add other than why your doctor thinks you have a malfunctioning ovary? Nobody else?
Since OP decided to ignore your question, I took a glance at her post history. Looks like her doctor (not an RE) has ordered CD 3 and CD 21 blood work because of her "erratic" cycles. She posted previously that her cycles went from 28 days to 36 days. Apparently she ignored the advice she received here that cycles can change and not to borrow trouble.
Hmm part of me says she should have asked if you're okay. Another part of me says that she may be thinking that you'll tell her if you want her to know. I'm not sure which side I'm on. I can see both sides of the equation. I'm pronably no help! Lol.
But I can say that sometimes I have to remind myself that unless you've gone through IF, you can't truly sympathize. No more than I can sympathize with something going through dialysis or chemo. I've never experienced that so I can't truly understand their struggles.
This. From someone who has friends going through similar fertility issues, it's really hard to walk the line between providing support and prying into matters that are not only personal, but extremely emotional. I tend to err on the side of letting them bring up whatever they want and then listening and talking about it, but only when they bring it up. It doesn't mean I don't care about what they're going through, to me it's more respect for what they are dealing with and not wanting to make them feel worse. If they want to discuss/vent/rant/whatever with me, I figure they'll initiate it, but it's not really my place to bring it up with them.
As to the bolded - that has been one of the hardest parts of being there for those friends. I am not going through IVF or related measures at the moment, so I have no idea how they feel. Your friend, like me, may be lost as to what to say to get across care and support for the person going through IVF or fertility issues, because we don't know what it is like. I often end up telling my friends that I don't have any helpful suggestions because I'm uneducated in that area, but I love them and I'm here if they ever need anything - a girl's night to get their mind off it, a venting session, to hug it out, whatever. Your friend just may not have a good way of expressing her support to you.
It looks like you're planning on having a talk with your friend. I hope you both can be candid about what's going on, and hopefully will work it all out.
Thank you! I do plan on chatting with her and hoping we can see where this takes us. Thanks for the advice
You say she is your best friend and "knows everything" about you, but you chose not to share the fact that your doctor has a concern about the way your ovaries are functioning. Instead, you sent her a vague text message, which left it open for her to either ask what the "health issue" was, or leave it. That put her in the position of deciding whether or not you left it deliberately vague because you didn't feel like sharing (which is the assumption I would have made in her position, for what it's worth). Now you're angry with her for not taking the bait and asking you what was wrong. My question is, why not just tell her what's going on if you've found yourself wanting her support? Sending a vague text and then getting upset because you didn't get the desired response seems sort of passive aggressive to me. You say she hasn't been supportive the last few months, but honestly, if this is an example of your methods for showing that you need support, she can hardly be blamed for that.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that it sounds to me like you are feeling resentful of your best friend for having an unwanted pregnancy at a time when you are wanting to be pregnant yourself, and you're looking for justification for that resentment. You did say that she's been neglectful of your friendship for months, but frankly, an unwanted pregnancy is a huge burden, and even if she has now gotten to the point where she's looking forward to being a mother, she's still having to brace herself for a massive, unplanned life change, while also dealing with the physical and emotional toll pregnancy takes. I wouldn't at all blame her for not having the time or energy to respond to cues to ask you questions about the issues you're having, especially if they're cryptic.
Also, regarding your "I thought this was a supportive community" comment, and what you said about us sharing intimate information: it is, and we do, but this community and its friendships were built. They didn't materialize out of thin air. Listening and offering support is encouraged. You also need to understand that you will get honest responses here. Some of them might be harsh. If you aren't prepared to accept those responses with good grace, this isn't the place for you.
You're right, I was resentful. I've passed the point of being upset that she's pregnant and I'm not but was just feeling really hurt that I wasn't even a second thought. I plan on having a talk with her to discuss whats up. Thanks!
I have nothing to add other than why your doctor thinks you have a malfunctioning ovary? Nobody else?
Since OP decided to ignore your question, I took a glance at her post history. Looks like her doctor (not an RE) has ordered CD 3 and CD 21 blood work because of her "erratic" cycles. She posted previously that her cycles went from 28 days to 36 days. Apparently she ignored the advice she received here that cycles can change and not to borrow trouble.
Sorry I did miss this post, Yes, my doctor, not an RE sent me for bloodwork to check hormone levels after going a cycle without a positive O date and a haemorrhaging-like period. Yes, my doctor was concerned, so I decided to go. Couldn't hurt.
I know I'm hours late on this convo but I just saw it! She can't/won't go back to "the way she always used to be." #sorry Not due to any fault of her own, or yours, but she's becoming a mom, this means her priorities may have changed! The way she would have pried into your life might have changed. People have probably invaded her personal space as well as asked intimate questions making her realize that its not comfortable and didn't want to do it to another.
Also, as far as you know, she does know of your uncomfortable-ness of her pregnancy. You say you didn't tell her but that doesn't mean snide looks, rolled eyes, or verbal tones weren't picked up. You complained that she hasn't checked in on you, but could you have said or done something that may have just put her off?
I'm just wondering if you did any self-reflection before completely blaming her for lack of communication. I'm that type of person to questions if I said or projected something that could be interpreted in a way that I didn't intend. Just something else to consider.
I'm sure she's aware just based on the fact that she knew I was trying etc etc. I definitely could have done/said something to her but when she's upset with me she typically just ignores me all together.. not saying it cant be the case though! Ill do a little self reflection on this though.. I dont want to upset her if its something Ive brought on myself
Sorry I did miss this post, Yes, my doctor, not an RE sent me for bloodwork to check hormone levels after going a cycle without a positive O date and a haemorrhaging-like period. Yes, my doctor was concerned, so I decided to go. Couldn't hurt.
Does no "positive O date" mean you had one anovulatory cycle? Or no positive OPK? Either way, that seems very strange to me that your doctor would check hormone levels.
And yes, it can hurt other people, if it drives up insurance premiums and takes appointments away from patients who actually need them.
I live in Canada so we don't have the same systems. I go for bloodwork every 6 weeks for my thyroid anyway.
I was using an OPK from CD7 through the end of my cycle and had not one + test. (testing twice a day) and it ended with severe bleeding that wasnt typical of my body. I think she's just being cautious because of my thyroid levels not being the perfect range and that can cause fertility 'issues' or side effects
I live in Canada so we don't have the same systems. I go for bloodwork every 6 weeks for my thyroid anyway.
I was using an OPK from CD7 through the end of my cycle and had not one + test. (testing twice a day) and it ended with severe bleeding that wasnt typical of my body. I think she's just being cautious because of my thyroid levels not being the perfect range and that can cause fertility 'issues' or side effects
We still pay for this stuff in Canada, it comes out of our taxes (and what happens if healthcare costs increase? Taxes increase).
Oh I know, sorry, I was more talking about the insurance thing.
I live in Canada so we don't have the same systems. I go for bloodwork every 6 weeks for my thyroid anyway.
I was using an OPK from CD7 through the end of my cycle and had not one + test. (testing twice a day) and it ended with severe bleeding that wasnt typical of my body. I think she's just being cautious because of my thyroid levels not being the perfect range and that can cause fertility 'issues' or side effects
Yeah, it's called taxes.. Thanks for raising mine.. As for not getting + opks, I never really could, but I knew I was ovulating, because shockingly, I was temping !
No I wasn't temping at that point. But I thought everyone on here said that you would need to confirm a spike with an OPK?
I was at the Doctor for another reason entirely and was at the beginning of said severe bleeding.. she noticed I was in pain, I explained the situation and she wanted me to go
Sorry I did miss this post, Yes, my doctor, not an RE sent me for bloodwork to check hormone levels after going a cycle without a positive O date and a haemorrhaging-like period. Yes, my doctor was concerned, so I decided to go. Couldn't hurt.
Does no "positive O date" mean you had one anovulatory cycle? Or no positive OPK? Either way, that seems very strange to me that your doctor would check hormone levels.
And yes, it can hurt other people, if it drives up insurance premiums and takes appointments away from patients who actually need them.
I know very little about anovulatory cycles.. How would you differentiate the two? Would it be in bloodwork?
Yeah, it's called taxes.. Thanks for raising mine.. As for not getting + opks, I never really could, but I knew I was ovulating, because shockingly, I was temping !
No I wasn't temping at that point. But I thought everyone on here said that you would need to confirm a spike with an OPK?
I was at the Doctor for another reason entirely and was at the beginning of said severe bleeding.. she noticed I was in pain, I explained the situation and she wanted me to go
Eh, I don't do OPKs. You temp to confirm a positive OPK. You can have multiple positive OPKS, and LH surges within a cycle. The only way to know if that positive OPK was a true positive, is with your temp shifts (or an ultrasound). So you have that reversed.
No I wasn't temping at that point. But I thought everyone on here said that you would need to confirm a spike with an OPK?
I was at the Doctor for another reason entirely and was at the beginning of said severe bleeding.. she noticed I was in pain, I explained the situation and she wanted me to go
Eh, I don't do OPKs. You temp to confirm a positive OPK. You can have multiple positive OPKS, and LH surges within a cycle. The only way to know if that positive OPK was a true positive, is with your temp shifts (or an ultrasound). So you have that reversed.
Also adding because I feel like I need to, you do NOT need run to get an ultrasound every cycle to see if you ovulated. In fact, DON'T. So I hope people don't take it that way. Just needed to clarify, that temping IS the way to confirm ovulation.
Does no "positive O date" mean you had one anovulatory cycle? Or no positive OPK? Either way, that seems very strange to me that your doctor would check hormone levels.
And yes, it can hurt other people, if it drives up insurance premiums and takes appointments away from patients who actually need them.
I know very little about anovulatory cycles.. How would you differentiate the two? Would it be in bloodwork?
I believe (correct me if I'm wrong guys) that a cause for concern would be 3 or more anovulatory cycles... I also do not do OPKs because my TEMPS haven't showed that I've ovulated yet so it would just be wasteful, in my opinion. Like others have stated, temping confirms ovulation, not OPKs. They just show you might ovulate. If you aren't temping, I highly suggest it, especially if you believed you had an anovulatory cycle. #personalanecdote
The blood work for hemorrhaging is unnecessary IMO, because some months people bleed heavier, have more cramping etc. And everyone else has already done over the OPK/Temping thing.
All of that said though, if OP has Hashimotos Thyroiditis, isn't that a pre-existing condition that would make it okay to see an RE after 6 months of trying - which she is at?
OP, if so, and if at all possible (I don't know how the Canadian system works) I would ditch your OB/GP or who ever you are seeing that ordered the blood work and get a referral to an actual RE. Your current doctor doesn't seem to be very knowledgable.
I have two best friends, they know everything about me and I them.
They know I am on month 7 of TTC and the the first time around I got pregnant on cycle 2. They have asked me when a person would need testing for IF. They have asked questions about why I chart and I have even been told by them to relax and let it happen... In contrast they have both had unplanned pregnancies and I have been the one to ask questions and find out how they wanted to be supported.
I am saying this because as a best friend we had adult conversations about what is going on. What I need from them and what they need from me. We have all said things at one time or another that has caused hurt feelings, but we talk through it. That is how the relationships survive!
TL/DR: Be honest and open with her and allow her to be honest with you. Do not accuse or confront, just calmly explain your feelings and listen to hers.
You say she is your best friend and "knows everything" about you, but you chose not to share the fact that your doctor has a concern about the way your ovaries are functioning. Instead, you sent her a vague text message, which left it open for her to either ask what the "health issue" was, or leave it. That put her in the position of deciding whether or not you left it deliberately vague because you didn't feel like sharing (which is the assumption I would have made in her position, for what it's worth). Now you're angry with her for not taking the bait and asking you what was wrong. My question is, why not just tell her what's going on if you've found yourself wanting her support? Sending a vague text and then getting upset because you didn't get the desired response seems sort of passive aggressive to me. You say she hasn't been supportive the last few months, but honestly, if this is an example of your methods for showing that you need support, she can hardly be blamed for that.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that it sounds to me like you are feeling resentful of your best friend for having an unwanted pregnancy at a time when you are wanting to be pregnant yourself, and you're looking for justification for that resentment. You did say that she's been neglectful of your friendship for months, but frankly, an unwanted pregnancy is a huge burden, and even if she has now gotten to the point where she's looking forward to being a mother, she's still having to brace herself for a massive, unplanned life change, while also dealing with the physical and emotional toll pregnancy takes. I wouldn't at all blame her for not having the time or energy to respond to cues to ask you questions about the issues you're having, especially if they're cryptic.
Also, regarding your "I thought this was a supportive community" comment, and what you said about us sharing intimate information: it is, and we do, but this community and its friendships were built. They didn't materialize out of thin air. Listening and offering support is encouraged. You also need to understand that you will get honest responses here. Some of them might be harsh. If you aren't prepared to accept those responses with good grace, this isn't the place for you.
nachobutt, ok perfect! thank you for clarifying. I know theres lots of differing opinions on that so I just wasn't sure.
danib, thanks. I'm hoping she's just being cautious too.
FDL, It was so bad, yes, way TMI but couldn't stand up without that rushing feeling.. Terrible. (No hospital though) IMO I think it was the long cycle with no O but the bleeding was just what made her catch on to my pain/ probed her to ask what was up
wanderingheart, I have started temping, trying to get the hang of it anyway! It has to become a habit for me so I can remember first thing in the AM and not wander around with the dog and think, "oh s$%#"
mainewifey, I would tend to agree with you there.. I've seen an OB/GYN for some biopsy testing (not since TTC) in the past but was then bumped back to my GP.. I found he was waaay more knowledgeable, which makes sense as he's a specialist I live in a small community and getting a doctor in general is hard so I just don't know how to get around that :/
I have two best friends, they know everything about me and I them.
They know I am on month 7 of TTC and the the first time around I got pregnant on cycle 2. They have asked me when a person would need testing for IF. They have asked questions about why I chart and I have even been told by them to relax and let it happen... In contrast they have both had unplanned pregnancies and I have been the one to ask questions and find out how they wanted to be supported.
I am saying this because as a best friend we had adult conversations about what is going on. What I need from them and what they need from me. We have all said things at one time or another that has caused hurt feelings, but we talk through it. That is how the relationships survive!
TL/DR: Be honest and open with her and allow her to be honest with you. Do not accuse or confront, just calmly explain your feelings and listen to hers.
thank you! We need to re-evaluate and discuss what we both can offer/want
The blood work for hemorrhaging is unnecessary IMO, because some months people bleed heavier, have more cramping etc. And everyone else has already done over the OPK/Temping thing.
All of that said though, if OP has Hashimotos Thyroiditis, isn't that a pre-existing condition that would make it okay to see an RE after 6 months of trying - which she is at?
OP, if so, and if at all possible (I don't know how the Canadian system works) I would ditch your OB/GP or who ever you are seeing that ordered the blood work and get a referral to an actual RE. Your current doctor doesn't seem to be very knowledgable.
No, actually. Hypothyroidism can mess with your cycles, delay ovulation, etc. But this is often corrected with replacement hormone and that is not prescribed by REs. It's more of an incidental thing than a true cause of infertility.
My RE doesn't even think Hashimoto's is disrupting egg quality; he says current theories are about increased inflammation in the body. No one treats the inflammation, unfortunately. When I asked my GP if they ever treat the inflammation, she looked puzzled and said no.
sko14, - my OB/GYN is supposedly a "fertility expert" and honestly he sucks donkey balls as a "fertility expert" and really doesn't know a whole lot. The women on here know way more than he does. An actual RE is the way to go.
sko14, - my OB/GYN is supposedly a "fertility expert" and honestly he sucks donkey balls as a "fertility expert" and really doesn't know a whole lot. The women on here know way more than he does. An actual RE is the way to go.
hahaha well my GP sucks donkey balls usually too. You guys have waaay more info than I've gotten from my GP
It sounds more like a heavy period. Hemorrhage like bleeding to me, would be needing to go the hospital to have your vagina packed because the bleeding was so heavy. Then treated to get the bleeding to stop or slow down. That does happen to women. It sounds like a heavy and painful period. I've definitely have had those. I think your Doctor might be barking up the wrong tree. Though your underlining thyroid issue could be playing a part in the heavy bleeding. If your thyroid issues aren't under control then personally I would try to correct those before infertility testing. IF testing isn't a walk in the park and I would want to have tried other means before going that route.
That being said, thyroid issues would qualify you to see an RE earlier then the usual one year. I feel like your OB/GYN jumped to conclusion a bit fast. Women can have 2-3 anovulatory cycles a year, which is considered normal. I feel like one *possibly* anovulatory cycle and a heavy period wouldn't justify testing.
There may be more to the story, and I'm sorry that you had a rough period. I hope your thyroid issues are under control and you have a better cycle/period. Good luck to you.
ETA: Joy corrected me on the thyroid issues not being something to see the RE earlier for. I thought I had read differently. Thanks, Joy! I learned something new.
FDL thanks! It wasn't as severe as it could've been absolutely! I'm not rushing to go through IF testing either because it's a hard road I'm sure. I would have loved to have seen an OB but my GP just yoyos me around only to end back in her office. :/
I think what I'm understanding from joy is that it's not the Hashimotos specifically that causes an issue but actually the unregulated hypothyroidism (I might not be using the term properly) that can cause disruptions in ones cycle. So as long as your thyroid levels are good then you should be fine and there's no need to see an RE before 1 year. Your thyroid levels should be monitored and regulated by a GP rather than an RE.
Is that right Joy? I just want to make sure I have it right and don't give out anymore false information!
Thanks everyone! My levels arent as bad as they once we're but much more stable. I'm sure that if it is an issue in the future an RE will send me in the right direction
I think what I'm understanding from joy is that it's not the Hashimotos specifically that causes an issue but actually the unregulated hypothyroidism (I might not be using the term properly) that can cause disruptions in ones cycle. So as long as your thyroid levels are good then you should be fine and there's no need to see an RE before 1 year. Your thyroid levels should be monitored and regulated by a GP rather than an RE.
Is that right Joy? I just want to make sure I have it right and don't give out anymore false information!
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