So if you didn't really want our advice, and you're not going to take it because obviously you already know what is best and have already done it, what was the point of this post?
I appreciate everyone's advice. Ive thanked people for their feedback.
I only saw that you thanked the people who didn't say that you were wrong for punishing him.
"I love you and want what is best for you" is neither an apology (even if the words "I'm sorry" came before it), nor is it a promise to your son that you will treat him his age.
I do plan on apologizing to my son. I admit I overreacted. I thank you for your feedback. I respect everyone's advice and opinions.
Post by anonymouseliza on Mar 17, 2015 16:19:11 GMT -5
This may be a good time to step back, take a deep breath and review what has been said here. Really review in your heart and mind. Then act accordingly. And probably stop replying in this thread/on this topic unless it's to give a genuine update about a productive conversation with your son or a genuine change of heart/attitude.
This may be a good time to step back, take a deep breath and review what has been said here. Really review in your heart and mind. Then act accordingly. And probably stop replying in this thread/on this topic unless it's to give a genuine update about a productive conversation with your son or a genuine change of heart/attitude.
I know this has been thoroughly covered but I just wanted to add an anecdote. My husbands mom asked him in high school who the kids were that were starting to drink and things. He told her some of the kids names. She then told their parents at the next PTA meeting that my husband had told her that their kids were all drinking and getting into other things. Those parents then repeated that to their kids that my husband "ratted" them out. My husband still pinpoints that incident as the first time he realized he couldn't trust his mom. Their relationship only went downhill. Turn things around while you still can.
My mom and I had a deal: if I was honest, I wouldn't be in trouble. In my experience, this kept me honest and the lines of communication were always open. Just my $0.2, but I think it's important for your son to be able to feel like he can talk to you about anything.
Full disclosure: I didn't read the whole thread, but I agree with the majority of posters. I think punishing a 17 year old for making out with a girl and getting a hickey may be futile and perhaps not the most appropriate response. I have no real advice to give on parenting a teenager though, so I just hope you take in all the responses from wiser people than me and reflect a bit before moving forward.
Funny anecdote time! When my husband and I were 17, I gave him quite a few hickeys. His mother saw one on his neck one day and asked what it was...my husband told her he had accidentally jabbed himself there with a broom/mop while working at his job at the local grocery store. I shit you not, she actually bought it.
Moral of the story, I guess, is be glad you raised your son to feel comfortable telling you the truth.
Full disclosure: I didn't read the whole thread, but I agree with the majority of posters. I think punishing a 17 year old for making out with a girl and getting a hickey may be futile and perhaps not the most appropriate response. I have no real advice to give on parenting a teenager though, so I just hope you take in all the responses from wiser people than me and reflect a bit before moving forward.
Funny anecdote time! When my husband and I were 17, I gave him quite a few hickeys. His mother saw one on his neck one day and asked what it was...my husband told her he had accidentally jabbed himself there with a broom/mop while working at his job at the local grocery store. I shit you not, she actually bought it.
Moral of the story, I guess, is be glad you raised your son to feel comfortable telling you the truth.
Full disclosure: I didn't read the whole thread, but I agree with the majority of posters. I think punishing a 17 year old for making out with a girl and getting a hickey may be futile and perhaps not the most appropriate response. I have no real advice to give on parenting a teenager though, so I just hope you take in all the responses from wiser people than me and reflect a bit before moving forward.
Funny anecdote time! When my husband and I were 17, I gave him quite a few hickeys. His mother saw one on his neck one day and asked what it was...my husband told her he had accidentally jabbed himself there with a broom/mop while working at his job at the local grocery store. I shit you not, she actually bought it.
Moral of the story, I guess, is be glad you raised your son to feel comfortable telling you the truth.
No she didn't.
My MIL is a very strange and out-of-touch person. For her sake, I wish she did question that type of stuff. She's shockingly naive about many things and it's gotten her into some trouble.
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
I didn't read through all the responses, and I'm not going to. I'm just going to say this: you are projecting your own issues onto your son, and it is extremely unhealthy for both of you. You are teaching your son to be ashamed of what is actually healthy, normal sexual behavior for a 17 year old. I hope I don't need to tell you how damaging shame like that can be for a young person. I would urge you to really think this over, and hopefully sit down with your son again, apologize to him, and retract your punishment. Your reaction accomplishes nothing but to make him feel ashamed and rejected, and to insure that he won't confide in you in the future.
I think grounding or punishing your son is not really a good idea. Like others said, he didn't do anything wrong, and I think punishing him could lead to resentment and possibly dishonesty towards you in the future.
I started college at 17 and met my husband then. I'm one of the few people who actually practiced abstinence until our wedding night so I can say that abstinence really does happen by choice for some people. If you want your son to wait to have sex for however long I highly suggest just sitting down with him and being honest about your thoughts. You can tell him you understand that making out with girls is fun and exciting but it often leads to more and he has to be prepared for what could happen. Obviously you can't monitor his every move, but equipping him with the knowledge of sex and the possible consequences could really help him.
Met 06/27/2004. Fell in love 09/30/2005. Adopted our pups 7/08 & 2/10. Bought a house 12/29/10. Married 10/8/11. TTC Baby #1 December 2014. BFP 4/16/2015 EDD 12/25/2015 DD Born 12/28/2015
Um...did not read all the responses to this but holy freak out. He is 17 and almost an adult. If the "worst" he has done is a hickey and you are punishing him for this and being open about it?! You need to apologize and give him his electronics back. I've had a couple hickeys and have made out with boys. Guess what....that's as far as it went. I met my husband in college and we waited until we got married to have sex. Some people will wait some won't but to react this way is BS and overkill.
Engaged May 2003 Married June 2005 TTC #1 since October 2014 H-1% morph, low motility, low count Me-.1 AMH levels, low AFC, DOR/POI, perimenopause Foster Care journey begins March 2016-licensed 11/7/16 Foster parents to A & J 1/31/17 www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5525ef
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