Hot Topic Tuesday: Spacing between siblings

[bendherova]

Our two boys will be 4 yrs 3 mo apart.

I think it's personal preference. I was in no way ready emotionally, mentally, or physically to have a second child any earlier than we are.

[tiffbot]

Our kids will be almost 2 years apart (23 months if born around due date).

We didn't really go into parenthood deciding what our spacing would be. It just felt right to start trying again so we did! We're planning on 3 so would probably only want about a 4 year max spread between this and the next one, depending how life treats us.

I'm 2.5 years older than my sister, and 7.25 years older than my brother. It's all I've known, and we're all close!

[ajm11]

The age gap between our two will be about 2 years and 9 months. We weren't planning on this close of an age gap, but I think it will be totally fine. DD will most likely be starting preschool three mornings a week this fall, and that will allow me some time to rest with the baby. She's also been potty trained and sleeping in a big girl bed for several months, so it will be nice not to have to worry about those transitions after DD2 arrives. I'm hoping that they will be close enough in age to play together and have similar interests. With all that said, I think it really depends on the individual children and how independent they are. I don't think there's any kind of magical age gap where everything magically gets easier.

[ombradellarosa]

I heard that ideally a woman's body needs 18 months between pregnancies to recover. So I'm planning to shoot for that. That would make our kids about 2.5 years apart.

I like the idea of Hot Topic Tuesday!

[mrsmonogrammed]

DH and I get asked this all the time....I don't have my heart set on a certain amount of time between kids, we're both only children so we have no experience with close or far age gaps! I think that we'll just go with the flow (see how this one is for us) and then start trying again when we feel it's right:) no idea if that will be 6 months later or 4 years later!

[veggiemo]

My two will be 2 years, 8 months apart. I'll report back on how that works for us, haha!

A good friend of mine had her second baby in December, her first had turned 3 a few months before. She said the timing is difficult because the older one always wants to "help" with the baby (diaper changes, feedings, changing clothes, etc) and so everything takes twice as long as it should. I really don't foresee DS being THAT interested in helping with the new baby, but I could be in for a rude awakening.

For me, I've enjoyed DS more the older he gets. Some people just adore that infant/1 year old age range. I'll admit I did not enjoy it all that much, and neither did DH. I think we are both looking forward to putting (some aspects) of the infant stage behind us and pressing forward with our family. Like I said, check back with me in a few months!

[Widget123]

My kids will be 22-23 months apart and we will be 2 and through. We definitely didn't go into it with this spacing in mind but there are benefits to it. DD's daycare is very exclusive and about a 1/3 of the price of anywhere else in the area; DH needs to stay where he is currently working in order for this LO to have a chance to get in then DH can move on to another location which is what he really wants. Having a DD has added stress on me professionally too and I think it is going to be easier to work after DD and LO are past the very young and very needy stage. I am ready to clear the hurdle and I think it would be harder for me personally to completely get over the toddler stage before jumping back in and having another LO.

My mother had me and one of my brothers 3 years apart, then 10 years later had my sister, then 5 years later had my youngest brother. I am closer to the youngest 2, part of which is a personality thing, but I kind of serve as a mediator between them and my parents and my parents ask me for advice a lot. It is kind of an interesting role to have.

[sugarkissed]

Ours will be 21 months apart. DH and I had always liked the idea of about 2 years age difference. That said, should we decide to try for #3 I've made it very clear to DH that I'd like a bit of a larger gap for the sake of my sanity.

I'm 7 and 8 1/2 years older than my brothers and we've always gotten along but never been close. I hope that my kids will grow up to become great friends.

[ladysif]

My boys will be 2 years 9 months apart. Before having DS1, I wanted all our kids closer together with the thought that I could then go back to work sooner once they were all in school. But like bendherova, physically, emotionally, etc. we weren't ready. It is hard for me to think of the third being 5 years apart from DS1, it seems so far apart, but at the same time I nursed DS1 until 2 so I don't see us having another earlier than that unless my milk supply doesn't hold out as long with this one. Who knows! Best laid plans and all...

[nettje]

When first trying for a second, we were of the mindset that 2 years apart would work. Unfortunately, things don't always go according to plan. It took some time to get pregnant at first and then we experienced a miscarriage. There will be nearly 3 years between this LO and DD. while it's not far off our initial thoughts, timing doesn't always go as planned.

[Deleted]

FTM but ideally we would love for our kids to be 2-3 years apart. My siblings and I are all close in age (6 years between oldest to youngest and there are 4 of us!) and we are all close now as adults. DH was a late baby with his sister being 10 years older than him and they are also close so it worked for our specific cases for both.
The main reason we want them closer together is due to our ages. While I'll be just shy of 31 with this LO, DH will be just shy of 38. Since he was a late arrival, his parents were in their 40s when they had him which is totally fine, but he would prefer to be at least in his early 40s at the latest when the 2nd one arrived. This mostly stems from his dad being sick for the last 10 years which was really hard on him in his late 20s and early 30s to watch. We know we can't control any of it really though!

[erbear]

If we have another one (we're undecided), we'd like a 2-3 year gap. Our nieces are 2 years apart and they're adorable together. Plus, I'll be 32-33, so not "advanced maternal age" yet.

[dmoney]

I was actually asked a few weeks ago by my father when Baby number 2 would be coming...This is my first and I would like to survive my 1st year before even thinking about a second child... Now My sister has 3 under 3 and because her parenting styles are lack then ideal (not only my opinion but my parents as well) she is struggling beyond belief (she had twins 12 weeks ago). She doesn't believe in putting babies on a schedule... Just seeing how my nephew has reacted to not being the baby and not fully understanding what was going on has made me want to wait until this LO is at least 2.5 before having another one.

[belle0720]

I used to think I would want back to back pregnancies so our kids could be very close in age like 4/5 of my siblings are. But after actually experiencing pregnancy, I want more time. If it were solely up to H, he'd still be up very small gaps.

I'm thinking that we will start trying again after my 30th birthday which is about 1 year 5 months after this LO will be born. I'd like to have another baby before turning 31 but I want to either have a big party or go to New Orleans for my 30th, and I don't want to spend my 30th with M/S and honestly I want to be able to drink. And then if we decide to have another after that, I'd probably want a similar gap and be done. H is almost 3 years older than me and he doesn't want to be an 'old dad' so pretty sure he wants to be done before turning 35.

Of course, this could (and probably will) change once LO is actually here and we become parents.

[tatersalad]

My kids will be about 2 years 9 months apart too, seems to be a popular spacing in this group. We were shooting for 3-4 years apart and got pregnant earlier than expected. I'm still not really ready to do the baby stage again and feel like if I'd waited a little longer I might be more excited to do it all over again. The baby and toddler years are hard but I've really enjoyed them (prior to becoming pregnant again) and wanted to feel like I could fully enjoy them with this baby, but life has other ideas sometimes and I'll be glad to be done with being pregnant. I can almost taste the booze...

[khaze]

I wanted 2 kids about 3 years apart. Then after we had DS1, we were one and done. Then when he was around 20 months old, we started casually throwing around the idea of a second. I basically said I am no where near ready for another one right now. The next week I found out I was pregnant.

[noeliav]

If our first pregnancy after DD had stuck, then they would have been about 21m apart. Which was just fine by me and DH.

This little one and DD will be almost exactly 2.5years apart. As challenging as it has been being pregnant with DD at her age, I look forward to the future and I wouldn't want them any further apart age-wise. As it is, I think of him being 2 and her being 4.5, and that feels like a bit too much space for my desires.

If we were able to do a third, then I would want to have him/her even closer in age to his brother. But, I don't think that will happen (the spacing nor the pregnancy)

[trixi282]

When we first started talking about a family we wanted our kids at least 2 years apart.

After our first was born, we wanted to wait until she was 2 to start thinking/talking/trying for number 2, and we did just that. We talked about it when she turned 2 and started trying a few months later, I got pregnant right away!  

Our kiddos will be (are supposed to be) 3 years apart: 1st born July, 2nd due June.

My siblings and I are all around 2.5 years apart, and H and his bro are 4 years apart. We felt like right in the middle was perfect. I didn't want any bigger gap than H and BIL, and didn't want back to back either (no irish twins for me).

I told H when J was around 26-28mo that if we had a baby then (as in born then) when she was right around 2 or 2.5 I'd be ok with that.  If we have another (um, yeah....) I would be fine with a bit closer together.  But I don't know if a 3rd will happen... and if it does, it might be a bit longer between with all the crap I've gone through this time.

[mrskblack11]

Due to my job, I can only have children on odd years. So we are shooting to have our next child in 2017. So they would be 2 years apart. If it doesn't work out, then we would have to wait until 2019 and they would be 4 years apart.

I like the closeness in age. I think it helps them bond.

[belle0720]

Apr 14, 2015 16:10:24 GMT -5 mrskblack11 said:

Due to my job, I can only have children on odd years. So we are shooting to have our next child in 2017. So they would be 2 years apart. If it doesn't work out, then we would have to wait until 2019 and they would be 4 years apart.

I like the closeness in age. I think it helps them bond.

Can you elaborate? Just super curious why this is case.

[belle0720]

Apr 14, 2015 15:40:23 GMT -5 @kej0004 said:

After experiencing (the majority) of this pregnancy, if delivery is relatively smooth (as in no medical need to wait) and DD is not a hellacious baby, I think we'll probably start trying as soon as I get back to regular cycling after DD is born. Granted, that could be quite a few months depending on how my body reacts to breast feeding. I'd like to be done having children by 2020 and we're planning on 3. Of course, that's all dependent on what life actually throws our way.

Best case scenario: We have 3 perfectly behaved, sleeping-a-lot babies that never cry, spaced ~1.5 years apart.

Yep, I'm crossing my fingers for us to have this too

[maddib]

I have always thought 3 years or more to be good spacing. But that is just my opinion and personal preference. I loved that DS was out of diapers by the time DD was born. And I didn't have to chase a toddler around with a new baby. But DD is different. They are three years apart but DD spent the first 8 months of her life in the nicu and can't walk. She only started crawling a year ago. She is five and DS is nine. He is the most amazing and helpful big brother in the world and now that DD is five she is extremely helpful too. I love that they are so far apart in years and is sooooo much easier in my opinion. DD is still in diapers but obviously that is only because of medical reasons and they are completely covered by our insurance so it's kind of like she's not. Plus we cath her every three hours so we really don't go through that many.

[mcp6286]

Apr 14, 2015 15:40:23 GMT -5 @kej0004 said:

After experiencing (the majority) of this pregnancy, if delivery is relatively smooth (as in no medical need to wait) and DD is not a hellacious baby, I think we'll probably start trying as soon as I get back to regular cycling after DD is born. 

Same. We're only having 2 kids. After going through a pregnancy, if I let myself go back to being "normal" me for an extended period of time, I don't think I'll have it in me to go through this again. It is looking like I might not be working in the fall after all, and I love the idea of being pregnant while A) I don't have to be at school every day and B) DD isn't old enough to realize that I'm not paying attention to her b/c I'm throwing up and feeling like shit all the time. Finally, my sisters are 18 months apart and I've always been jealous of their bond. The rest of us (kids #1-4) are all 3 years apart, and I was never especially close to any of my siblings until my sisters got into high school. They, on the other hand, are total "best frenemies" and I would love for my kids to have that close bond too. 

[sordidvolition]

Mine will be almost exactly 3.5 years apart. My brother and I are 2yrs 8mos (should be 9) apart and we are super close. I had initially wanted 2.5-3yrs but i guess this is close enough. Farther apart helps for day care costs as infant care in our area is +1k/mo. Having two is really going to be interesting budget wise.

[Bluedaisy]

I plan to stay home for a year with this baby and then I'd need to work at least a year before I'm eligible for maternity leave again so I guess we're planning for at least two years in between but I don't want too much more than that.

[theBeeMama]

Ours will be 2 weeks shy of 2 years apart. We didn't "plan" on that, but we didn't plan anything different either, so we are thrilled and just sort of along for the ride! I'm 2.5 years younger than my closest sister and 3.5 years older than my brother, and we're all close and loved playing together growing up. My husband came from a family of 4 kids in 4 years... No twins... (I would die) but anywayyyyy, I think the next time around will be our last most likely. We may try to space it a little further apart than DS and this LO but we'll probably play it by ear again once we feel like we're ready to try again!

[ravinraven216]

Being a FTM, I can't say for certain if we're One and Done or if we would want another - we're playing it by ear. If we decide to try for a second, I don't foresee TTC until this baby is at least 2 or 3. I'd like to do a little traveling and finish some home improvement projects first.

[nicolec78]

All three of my children will be ten years apart. It wasn't planned that way just fertility issues so it seems I can only become pregnant every 10 years. I hope this LO is as close as the older two are.

I'm 9 years younger than my older brother and my three sisters are 1, 2 and 9 years younger than me. Not close to my brother but that is a personality thing.

[flbabychin]

DH and I want a big family, but I'm a FTM, so I want to be realistic too. Ideally we'd start trying again when LO is a year old, and then maybe the kids would be 2 years apart, if we don't experience difficulties getting pregnant. I'd like to think that since this LO was a surprise and I've had a healthy and fairly easy pregnancy, that it will be this simple, but who knows. I'd like to be done with having LOs by 35 and I'm 28 now, so I figure that gives us plenty of time. I also echo other PPs sentiments who said that they want their kids to have close relationships and go through similar developmental stages together. I think this will be good for DH and I as well in our later years.

[honeybunches101]

I always thought I'd have a bunch of kids all close together, but it didn't work out that way. We wanted a 2 year or less age gap, and they'll be 3 years and a few months. I wanted kids closer in age so they could go through stages together and have fun playing together as kids. It took us a long time to get pregnant so at this point I am just thankful to be having a second at all. DS is much more challenging at 3 than he was a year ago, and I'm already 33, so we would like a 3rd soon. Then again I may be totally overwhelmed as a SAHM of two that we decide to wait until later. Here in DC lots of moms are older, one of my good friends is on her 2nd pregnancy at 43 and that is totally normal here, so I am more worried about my fertility than being an older mom.