Night feeds schedules

[leenziepops]

Something DH and I have been talking about is who wakes up to look after LO during the night. I will be the primary feeder because I want to BF and I am not working. I don't want my DH to be exhausted at work. We have a rough plan that I do the majority week nights and he'll try to give me 1 or 2 nights where I get at least 6hours sleep so Fri/Sat nights by bottle feeding.
S+TMs please weigh in. Is this at all reasonable and workable? How did you do it? I know a lot of this will be dependent on the baby but I would like to have a rough idea on how to manage the night routine.
Anyone else have some kind of plan sorted out?

[schnurette]

DH and I had agreed that he would get up one night per week for feedings (Fri or Sat). I think it maybe happened 3 times total. All that plan acheived was pissing me off royally. He knew if he laid there and ignored her crying for a few minutes I would give up and go.

[leenziepops]

Apr 15, 2015 6:51:16 GMT -5 schnurette said:

DH and I had agreed that he would get up one night per week for feedings (Fri or Sat). I think it maybe happened 3 times total. All that plan acheived was pissing me off royally. He knew if he laid there and ignored her crying for a few minutes I would give up and go.

Urrgghh! That's so unfair. This should be interesting to see how it all turns out for us.

[silv3rlining]

With DS we initially planned that I would nurse L before bedtime and then DH would do any wake ups until midnight and then I'd do any been 12-6. We realized that didn't really make sense since I'd have to pump any time DS got a bottle (so my body knew to produce how much DS needed). I ended up doing all MOTN wakeups as long as I nursed. It was NBD since I could nap when DS napped. I didn't see the point in DH losing sleep if he could avoid it since I was home all day. Plus all DS wanted was the boob anyway and would go right back to sleep. With LO I'll just plan to do the MOTN wakeups/feedings. If it starts being an issue with DS then DH will help run back up.

[bendherova]

At least until your supply is established, you'll have to be up and either nursing or pumping each time baby is eating. so, I'm not sure how feasible your plan is. If you don't want to nurse then it's fine.

I nursed DS1, and for that first month, DH got up with me every single time I did in solidarity. He'd get DS changed while I prepped to nurse, and then get him back to sleep when we were done. initially, out nursing sessions were 40min. H would doze off many times while in progress.

We were fortunate that after DS1 turned a month old, he started sleeping much longer stretches- waking at 1ish and then 4-5ish.

DH was also in the middle of his 2 years of lab research work so his schedule was much more flexible and less demanding than seeing sick patients all day long. Things will be different this time, for sure!

[leenziepops]

Oh man. Thanks STMs for your input. Better to know now that my plan cannot be effective straight away as I do plan on plenty of BF if I can. Bugger. Was hoping to manage my sleep somehow.

bendherova How sweet of your DH to wake up with you!
@hazeldublin How lucky are you to get 11-6am quickly! My sister still wakes up for her 2yo throughout the night.

[leenziepops]

Apr 15, 2015 7:29:30 GMT -5 @hazeldublin said:

leenziepops he was 9lb1 so I think he just didn't need the extra feed but we fed him every 3 hours through out the day and he would take a good amount so he was getting all his ounces in those feeds. I am shitting a brick this baby will be a screamer ?

Is that how it works? The bigger they are the less often they feed? I thought all newborns required feeds 2-3hours irregardless and that's for the first month at least.

[honeybunches101]

Apr 15, 2015 7:31:27 GMT -5 leenziepops said:

Apr 15, 2015 7:29:30 GMT -5 @hazeldublin said:

leenziepops he was 9lb1 so I think he just didn't need the extra feed but we fed him every 3 hours through out the day and he would take a good amount so he was getting all his ounces in those feeds. I am shitting a brick this baby will be a screamer ?

Is that how it works? The bigger they are the less often they feed? I thought all newborns required feeds 2-3hours irregardless and that's for the first month at least.

I have heard that too, but I think it's mostly luck. Some friends of mine had a 6lb baby who slept the night at 6w and ate every 3 hours, but she was formula fed. My DS was 8lbs but wanted to eat every hour. In the very beginning all babies need to eat often, and your pediatrician may tell you to wake the baby after a certain time to make sure they gain weight.

[honeybunches101]

Ditto PPs about needing to pump when baby eats to maintain your supply. You could give a bottle of formula and you are ok with supplementing and potentially hurting your supply, but your boobs may not let you sleep through! We went away for a night when DS was 6 months old and I planned to sleep a ton, but I pumped at midnight and woke up in tons of pain and leaky boobs at 5am.

You can definitely have DH help you though! Sometimes I asked DH to do everything but the feeding - burp, change, re-swaddle and get him back to bed. But generally I was awake anyway so I just did it so DH could be better rested for work. But since I won't be able to nap during the day this time, DH may have to help more. We are also planning to get a night nurse a few nights a week.

[tatersalad]

leenziepops it all depends on your supply. I started pumping after I nursed at least once a day as soon as I got home from the hospital and hubby always did the midnight feeding with a bottle at midnight so I could sleep 9-3am. Even when I was almost exclusively pumping for the convenience of giving bottles I never pumped more than 3 times a day.

[leenziepops]

Apr 15, 2015 7:47:06 GMT -5 tatersalad said:

leenziepops it all depends on your supply. I started pumping after I nursed at least once a day as soon as I got home from the hospital and hubby always did the midnight feeding with a bottle at midnight so I could sleep 9-3am. Even when I was almost exclusively pumping for the convenience of giving bottles I never pumped more than 3 times a day.

This gives me hope! Thank you. I know there are so many variables but good to know you could do this kind of plan.

[Widget123]

With DD who was a very small baby, our pedi had us wake her up to feed her for the first 2 weeks, so she never went more than 2-3 hours without eating. After the 2 week point with pedi's blessing, if DD slept longer than 3 hours then so could I.

I agree with PP comments that sleeping during baby's feeding time during the middle of the night can hurt your supply and may be painful to you. However, if baby is hard to get back to sleep and daddy wants to rock him/her for you, I'm sure that would be fabulous.

DD was down to waking up only once a night by the time I started back at work at 12 weeks, so hopefully this baby is the same. Some parents are able to work it out that if the baby works during certain hours then one parent would get up vs. the other, but this is not something that is realistic for the first month or so of the baby's life unless you are going to formula feed. Where I am going to need DH to really help out is with waking DD, getting her ready, and taking her to daycare so I can get some sleep then if baby is asleep.

[billyhorrible]

Agree with the other STM's who say you're going to need to be up and either feeding or pumping, so you might as well get up and nurse.

As for maximizing sleep. You're not working, and no one says you need to get up at a certain time. I got at least 8 hours of sleep every night between 9pm and 9am because after I nursed I'd just go back to bed until I felt like getting up. It's not like the baby wakes at a certain time and is up for hours. They go right back to sleep at first. All day.

We also did something similar to bendherova and honeybunches101, where I would get up and do the feeding, then hand the baby off to DH (who slept while I fed) and he would do all the diaper changes, swaddling, and put the baby back to sleep.

[tulips114]

I always did night time care as the feeder. No point in us both being exhausted from broken up sleep, imo.

On the weekend he will get up with the kids in the morning when they're up for the day and let me sleep in. I get up with the girls now, because I'm an early riser and usually am the first up anyway, but when the baby gets here that will be the plan, that's what we've done with the other 2.

[mathistm]

We plan on it being primarily me who gets up during the night as I will not be working and will be breastfeeding. DH works 6:30a-3:30p, m-f but we have agreed that if he is woken as well he will get up and change diapers and bring the baby to me to feed especially first thing in the am when he gets up. I am definitely more of a night owl and he is more of a morning person.

[noeliav]

I should pull out DD's tracking sheets. I remember looking at them right around the time she turned a year, and wanting to cry when faced with all the non-sleep that I had forgotten, lol.

I breastfed, exclusively, for the first 6+ weeks. Then, to keep engorgement away/keep up supply, I'd have to be up pumping even if DH gave a bottle, so we just kept on with me doing all the MOTN feedings.

Maternity leave was nice because I could rest as much as possible during the day, and the night wakings didn't affect me *that* much. After returning to work, it was that much harder because I couldn't snooze at all during the day.

[redlipz]

I think that's a good plan but I also think you have to think about getting up at least once to pump during those nights. Engorgement huuuuurts!

This time I'm thinking I'm going to be doing it all at night since my husband works at 430am. He will, however get up to get me baby every once in a while.

Eta- since I did go back to work after 6 weeks with my son and exclusively breast milk fed, I would feed him from one breast and pump from the other at night since its when I would have more milk.

[gilder40]

I'm a FTM, and I'm going to try to breastfeed. Fortunately for my husband and me, I will be out for the summer when baby arrives. So I'll have the usual 6 weeks of maternity leave plus about 4-5 more....depending on when baby shows up. So I'll probably wake to feed at night and try to rest during the day. My husband works a 2am-10am shift at the casino, so I'll do night and he can help during the day.

[dmoney]

So I am a FTM but the plan that DH and I had in place before he lost his job was that for the first 2 weeks he would wake up with me. To keep me company and what not. Once he went back to work he would sleep through the night during the week and on the weekends he would help me out as much as he could. Now that he doesn't currently have a job we don't have a plan in place so we shall see what actually happens.

[dmoney]

Apr 15, 2015 12:07:27 GMT -5 pghtruelove said:

We are attempting to use no bottles as long as possible(I don't know how realistic that is). Our goal is until September-October. So I will be the one waking up for all the feedings. SO is in school full time and I'll be working mostly from home and when I need to go meet clients I should only be away maximum 2 hours.

Be careful with this plan.  My sister waited until her first (my nephew) was 10 weeks before introducing bottles she went back to work at 13 weeks and for the next month, he refused to take a bottle.  he would go 8 hours at a time without eating.  Just something to be weary of. 

[pghtruelove]

dmoney that didn't even cross my mind! Thank you! Should probably talk to a ped/lact. specialist.

[veggiemo]

As with anything, you'll want to do what maximizes the amount of rest you and DH get, especially in the beginning. For the first while, you'll find it so easy to just bring baby into bed with you and nurse. It's a hell of a lot easier on both of you than if DH were to have to get up and prep a bottle, all the while the baby is fussing, so you'd probably be awake and holding the baby anyway. With breastfeeding, you just offer the boob and everyone is happy in a matter of seconds.

[Widget123]

Apr 15, 2015 12:14:40 GMT -5 dmoney said:

Apr 15, 2015 12:07:27 GMT -5 pghtruelove said:

We are attempting to use no bottles as long as possible(I don't know how realistic that is). Our goal is until September-October. So I will be the one waking up for all the feedings. SO is in school full time and I'll be working mostly from home and when I need to go meet clients I should only be away maximum 2 hours.

Be careful with this plan.  My sister waited until her first (my nephew) was 10 weeks before introducing bottles she went back to work at 13 weeks and for the next month, he refused to take a bottle.  he would go 8 hours at a time without eating.  Just something to be weary of. 

pghtruelove I have also heard many a horror story of working moms who wait too long to introduce a bottle and then the picky LO goes on a hunger strike.  Not always the case, but definitely a possibility.  Some moms then resort to driving to daycare during lunch so then their bottle refusing LO won't go hungry all day, but I don't have time for that.  We'll see how breastfeeding goes this time around but there is no way I'm going to wait any later than 5 or 6 weeks to introduce a bottle at least part time because I am not willing to take that risk.

[noeliav]

We waited until 6weeks, per the pedi and the LC suggestions, to introduce a bottle. Still dealt with bottle (really, all non-mom nipples) refusal. She would refuse to eat during the day, and then clusterfeed all. night. long.

The good thing is that she was taking a straw cup at 8m, and we didn't have any trouble transitioning to those and regular cups. We didn't even do sippies.

[mathistm]

Apr 15, 2015 12:13:08 GMT -5 dmoney said:

So I am a FTM but the plan that DH and I had in place before he lost his job was that for the first 2 weeks he would wake up with me. To keep me company and what not. Once he went back to work he would sleep through the night during the week and on the weekends he would help me out as much as he could. Now that he doesn't currently have a job we don't have a plan in place so we shall see what actually happens.

My sister had the plan of them both waking up (her DH works swing shift) and it was good for the first couple of nights of excitement and then they wanted to kill each other because they both weren't getting sleep and amended this plan!

[honeybunches101]

Apr 15, 2015 12:17:58 GMT -5 pghtruelove said:

dmoney that didn't even cross my mind! Thank you! Should probably talk to a ped/lact. specialist.

Yeah, you definitely want to introduce bottles before it's too late! Even if you don't plan to go back to work right away, you never know if there will be an emergency and baby will need to eat when you're not there. We had a big problem with battle refusal and it meant I couldn't ever leave DS even when I desperately wanted some time away. He would go through growth spurts and want to eat every hour the day I planned to get a haircut, so I had to cancel that etc.

[junch817]

So I didn't read through the other posts. But for us, I did nursing and pumping (the nurses had me doing that to help build up a supply), and DH would change the diaper and swaddle back up. We got lucky though. She was (and still is) a great sleeper, so for the first week or two, it was us waking her up because doctors/I wanted to make sure she was gaining enough because she lost a bit (more than normal) in the hospital. Once the doctor thought she was doing well, we stopped waking her. She would only wake up once or twice a night on her own, so splitting the duties was very easy. I pray to God we get another good sleeper. But in the beginning, each wake up was about an hour between a 40 minute nursing session, burping (uhhhh I hate burping!!!!) pumping, rinsing off parts so they didn't get all nasty, and diapering. I also was recovering from a CS, so DH would be the one to pick her up and bring her to me. He would just lay her on the bed and would stare at her sleeping for 10 minutes sometimes; so sweet. Then he would change her diaper, give her to me, fall back asleep. I'd wake him up, he'd swaddle her back up (he could get it tighter than me) and lay her down. He never cared. He could sleep through anything, and fall back asleep within seconds, so he was more than willing to do whatever I needed/wanted.

[junch817]

Also, now that I read through some stuff, I have to agree with some PP about not being too afraid to introduce a bottle. My SIL had a bottle refuser and it was a huge headache for her when she started back to work. And as a mom that EBF aside from maybe 1-2 bottles occasionally, and weaned her after she turned 2, I have to say there was ZERO nipple confusion. So it is very very possible to BF and give occasional bottles from the start and still be ok. I had pretty bad PPD and having her physically attached to my body half of my waking hours was really tough for me. So we introduced bottles for that reason and to also let DH have time to bond with her for feelings. It was great for both of us.

[ladysif]

A lot of what PPs said. I also had overproduction issues so I had to be up and pumping, even later on when DS would still be asleep I'd still have to get up and pump for comfort until my supply finally regulated around 5 months. During paternity leave, DH would get up most times and do the diaper change and bring him to me to nurse. We'll probably do that again at least the first days when I'm still sore and healing, but with DS1 in the picture, I'll need DH in the morning to handle him so I can get some extra sleep.

We also waited until 6 weeks to introduce a bottle. DS1 never took to it well, but I think a big part of that was that I had high lipase issues so the flavor changed quickly and he didn't like it.

DS1 was a HORRIBLE sleeper, so take the following with that grain of salt.

I am a SAHM and did EBFing so nights 100% fell to me. Some nights it is just survival mode and if I was losing it, I'd wake up DH and make him rock or bounce or whatever. When you find yourselves arguing about who got less sleep, #1, YOU ALWAYS WIN, and #2, stop fighting about it and try to just sympathize with each other because it is pointless in the end, it is just what it is.

This is a good reminder to have a refresher talk with DH about being extra sensitive regarding sleep-related comments for the next year or two. For example, "Wow, he slept through the night last night!" Um, no. He didn't, you're wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong, every single time. DH would sleep through five wakings/feedings and not realize it and be all chipper the next morning whereas I'd be a complete exhausted mess. Also complaining about how the baby crying woke him up for 30 seconds and then I woke up him again for 30 seconds getting back into bed after 45 minutes of nursing or an hour and a half of comforting never went over well.

I also readily admit I tend to be a martyr and not ask for help soon enough.

Debbie Downer out.

[Widget123]

Apr 15, 2015 13:07:37 GMT -5 noeliav said:

We waited until 6weeks, per the pedi and the LC suggestions, to introduce a bottle. Still dealt with bottle (really, all non-mom nipples) refusal. She would refuse to eat during the day, and then clusterfeed all. night. long.

The good thing is that she was taking a straw cup at 8m, and we didn't have any trouble transitioning to those and regular cups. We didn't even do sippies.

Oh yes ive heard horror stories of all night clusterfeeders. Add that to my list of working mom worst nightmares.