How much does your SO know about TTC?

[pinkcat]

My husband and I just started TTC this month, and I'm just curious how others handle TTC with their SO. Does your SO know when it's your FW? How much do they know about TTC? Are they aware you temp, know your chart, etc?

I just think it'd be interesting to hear how this works in others' relationships! For us, I'm not sure how I'll approach this yet. DH doesn't think he wants to know all of the ins and outs of my cycle yet as he's worried knowing too much about when the "right" timing is will add too much pressure and cause performance issues. I'm sure over the next few months as we TTC we'll be discussing this more and more and he'll end up knowing my FW exactly, but for now I'm OK with not telling him if it helps him feel more comfortable about the process.

So, how is TTC discussed in your relationship?

[Deleted]

He knows the general ins-and-outs (haha PUNNY) of it... But he doesn't like to get all the specifics of my temps and stuff because it stresses him out. He's a combination of carefully planning but also "Let's see what happens." It kind of depends on the day.

[rablissful]

He knows that we have to have sex to have a baby.

I will flat out tell him if it's my fertile week. He thinks it's wicked sexy if I say "Hey I'm fertile, let's go have sex" My SO is weird though.

He also knows I temp because of the beeping thermometer and the phone at 4am (moreso phone than thermometer since the therm is quiet). I tried to explain why but he doesn't really care TBH.

I think if TTC turns into a hard thing for us he'll want to know more... but since we're still early on and it's still "fun" (minus dealing with our loss). He's just happy he gets to have sex more than we usually would.

[Andrea]

Mine is very interested in the science of it all.We have had some trouble with TTC and he is now getting a better grasp of things. He is all about the OPKs and temping and all that jazz. He finds FF amazing.

[FrancesHouseman]

We don't talk about it in depth - he doesn't want the pressure and I don't want to obsess (that's what this place is for

[Lollipop]

He knows we're trying. He knows that I temp, but doesn't really get why. He also doesn't care why. He just likes the sex.

[summerdonna]

MH always knew when it was my FW but now that we've been trying for almost a year he wants to know more and will ask questions. He knows I temp and use OPKs and will ask if the OPK is positive. He also googles stuff and he knew last cycle was my first one temping and we would discuss how long my LP was. Super sexy huh?! We're at the point where we will probably need help in order to get pregnant so I'm really glad that he is supportive and interested in what's going on.

[diamondsndaisies]

DH is very into details and all the little parts that make things work, so he wants to know the entire process. He even asks me questions and inquires about my temps etc. when I'm in the TWW. So I pretty much tell him everything including all the gory details. He doesn't seem to mind.

[pbandj714]

He definitely knows more now than he did before we were TTC. He knows that I temp and chart. I don't tell him when it's my fertile window. Partially because my cycles are still wonky and partially because I don't want to put that pressure on him. He does joke though that I don't need him anymore after I've O'd. Once in a great while I'll show him my chart, but he just glances at the pattern and tells me I'm creepy for having a sex calendar. LOL It works for us. He's in the loop, but I don't divulge every little detail to him either, which he appreciates.

[kelle017]

This time around I haven't said anything to h. He doesn't know I ovulated and he doesn't know I'm in my 2ww.

He does know about temping, and opk's and charting from when we were trying for dd.

[piccyami]

He asks questions and wants to know more and more each cycle. I do wait until he asks, though.

[SheilaTheTank]

He knows the basics and that I take my temp. He's watched the great sperm race so he gets the idea. It mostly depends on how stressed or confused I am. This past cycle I was really confused towards the end so I gave him the run down and asked for a second opinion. I don't give him a play by play or anything. He does pick up on trends, such as when my FW is, so I know he's at least paying some attention.

[graysweater]

I usually just tell mine.... "This is your week!" and I let him take it from there. Then starting a week later he will start bugging me if "I know anything yet". He is pretty clueless, but doesn't want to know more. Says it puts too much pressure.

[ceejay]

At first DH didn't want to know anything. I would tell him when I was fertile, and I think it made him nervous and he had some performance anxiety a couple times.

Now that we've been trying almost 8 months, he's more interested in everything. He asks about my FF chart and how my temps are doing and I tell him when I have positive OPK's. I think we both feel less stressed about having sex on as many days as possible in my FW now, because we've done that many cycles before and we're still not KU. Now we just stick to EOD once I'm in/near my FW and then I usually tell DH once I know that I've ovulated so we can stop EOD.

After that, he tends to loose track of my cycle and will start asking me about a week later when my period is due. Then he'll ask about that every couple days until AF starts.

[LadyNymeria]

We aren't actually TTC yet, but we've already had some conversations on this. I've been temping for a while and MH knows I'm doing that. I've told him that when my temp spikes it means I ovulated, but I didn't get into more details about charting than that.

I've also told him already that it's the few days before & day of O that we need to try to aim for once we start trying. He told me that when we get there, just let him know when it's time for sex.

ETA: I also recently explained to him about only having a 20% chance each cycle with no underlying conditions. He was surprised (like a lot of people) that it's such a low chance. Seems like that alone might get him on board for starting in August instead of September.

[joy]

Apr 20, 2015 11:49:39 GMT -5 pinkcat said:

 Does your SO know when it's your FW? How much do they know about TTC? Are they aware you temp, know your chart, etc?

Does he know it's my fertile window?  No.

Does he know that I temp and chart?  Yes.

When we went over the year mark and I made an appointment with an RE, I explained to him how I knew that things were more serious than "we didn't have enough sex."  He knew that I temped and that meant something, but I fully explained it to him at this point.  He was rather fascinated!

I'm a firm believer in not letting trying to conceive take over your life.  We do not schedule sex, we do not discuss "oh, this is my fertile week so you better be on it," we actually don't discuss it much at all.  We have sex for us and if the timing works out (which it does 99% of the time) then I know when to test or expect my period.  If my husband wanted to know if it was my fertile time or asked direct questions about my cycle, then I would certainly tell him.  But, otherwise I temp and chart for me.

[ceejay]

Apr 20, 2015 11:58:03 GMT -5 pbandj714 said:

He definitely knows more now than he did before we were TTC. He knows that I temp and chart. I don't tell him when it's my fertile window. Partially because my cycles are still wonky and partially because I don't want to put that pressure on him. He does joke though that I don't need him anymore after I've O'd. Once in a great while I'll show him my chart, but he just glances at the pattern and tells me I'm creepy for having a sex calendar. LOL It works for us. He's in the loop, but I don't divulge every little detail to him either, which he appreciates.

Haha, I'm going to start referring to FF as my sex calendar.

[mrsjene]

H knows more than I think he wants to know. I make him sit there as I explain everything that's happening. If I have to think about OPKs, temping, etc. all the time, then he has to also.

[ghostmonkey]

Next to nothing. I've had to tell him to shut up a couple times when he was telling people about our fertility treatments because he was so off base with shit.

[teraiin]

MH knows that I temp and chart. He alternates between thinking it's pointless/stressful and useful. He understands roughly about temps and the correlation to ovulation but he thinks that we don't really need to do it so long as sex happens fairly regularly.

I think it's important so I can see what my cycle is doing.

As far as anything more in-depth than that MH doesn't know and doesn't really want to know. Unless we hit the year mark, then he said he's in favor of us having testing done.

[kellybenelly83]

I never tell DH when my fertile week is. I dont want to add any pressure unnecessarily. I'm sure he can guess since I tend to walk around like a cat in heat, but for the most part we dont discuss it. It came up the first time around after a few months why it hadnt happened yet and I had to inform him of the statistics, but thats about it.
on the flip side, when I got my BFP he knew exactly which time we hit it to get there. He was right too.

[pinkcat]

Apr 20, 2015 12:03:45 GMT -5 joy said:

Apr 20, 2015 11:49:39 GMT -5 pinkcat said:

 Does your SO know when it's your FW? How much do they know about TTC? Are they aware you temp, know your chart, etc?

Does he know it's my fertile window?  No.

Does he know that I temp and chart?  Yes.

When we went over the year mark and I made an appointment with an RE, I explained to him how I knew that things were more serious than "we didn't have enough sex."  He knew that I temped and that meant something, but I fully explained it to him at this point.  He was rather fascinated!

I'm a firm believer in not letting trying to conceive take over your life.  We do not schedule sex, we do not discuss "oh, this is my fertile week so you better be on it," we actually don't discuss it much at all.  We have sex for us and if the timing works out (which it does 99% of the time) then I know when to test or expect my period.  If my husband wanted to know if it was my fertile time or asked direct questions about my cycle, then I would certainly tell him.  But, otherwise I temp and chart for me.

I think you put into words exactly how I want our relationship while TTC to be.

[lemoncupcake]

He knows the basics of temping/CM/OPK/charting and how sex the few days before O give the best chances. But he's not too interested in the details from me at this point.

In general, he's very easy going and is thinking about TTC with the mentality of "humans have been getting pregnant for thousands of years without knowing all this stuff." So I try to let his outlook mellow me out rather than getting me more frustrated.

[goldenlove3]

I think he knows the general idea of how it all works. He knows that I temp. I don't tell him when I'm in my FW. I don't think he quite gets the timing of it all. When I told him this past cycle that I think I ovulated (we had sex two days before), he asked if it lasts that long (meaning his sperm). Also, after we had our first IUI, I had to tell him that it takes 2 weeks before we'll know anything.

[pbandj714]

Apr 20, 2015 12:11:19 GMT -5 kellybenelly83 said:

I never tell DH when my fertile week is. I dont want to add any pressure unnecessarily. I'm sure he can guess since I tend to walk around like a cat in heat, but for the most part we dont discuss it. It came up the first time around after a few months why it hadnt happened yet and I had to inform him of the statistics, but thats about it.
on the flip side, when I got my BFP he knew exactly which time we hit it to get there. He was right too.

Hehe, yes! This made me LOL at work. That is the perfect way to describe it!

[ruthgoose]

What an interesting question. I tell him basically when it's "game time" so he knows when it's my fertile window. He has asked if I got my temp increase to know when O happens, probably because our first month was exhausting, we switched to EOD instead of ED this time around lol. He usually knows when I am on my period. I would say he is pretty aware that things are happening, he will inquire sometimes about timing but for the most part he trusts that I will let him know what is going on. I think he does like being mostly blind in the last week of my TWW until I confirm AF with him. It seems like he gives me any space in case we get lucky so I can tell him at the right time. I bet I will appreciate that when the time comes.

[paloslee]

DH was so clueless at first. He was like let's just have sex. But once I joined you great ladies at the "other place" and I started learning more he then wanted to know more. DH suffers from OCD/Anxiety so he wants to know everyrhing because thats how his mind works. I wish he didnt know as much as he does because he gets so anxious. He knows I chart/temp. He knows I use FF and he checks it regularly. He usually knows when my FW is. We are on cycle 6 so he has seen the pattern.

[Daikoku]

At first, H didn't want to know anything at all. When I started temping and using OPK I just let him know, "hey, I'm going to start taking my basal body temperature each morning and using tests to learn when I ovulate. Just so you know."
After about a year, he started asking questions and I would tell him as much as he wanted to know. Also, some of my girlfriends ask how things are going and he listens when I tell them all the details.
After about a year and a half he told me he was sick of things not working, so wanted me to tell him when I was in my FW and when it was time to HIO.
Then, about the 2 year mark, he told me he didn't want to hear about it or think about it anymore. He will talk about it with his friends, but doesn't want me to bring up timing and stuff.

TL;DR H has gone through many phases and I do my best to respect where he is at any given time. When he wants to know about stuff, I tell him. When he needs a mental break from it all, I respect that and zip my lip.

[mamabee]

We (luckily) conceived our first cycle TTC with my daughter. I'm fairly certain not even I "really" knew what I was doing. She wasn't a surprise but I had just found TB mid-cycle and ended up getting pregnant right away. The second time, it took 10 cycles and I was much more body-aware/educated about the whole TTC process thanks to the wonderful ladies on here (well, it was The Bump then). As I learned more, I shared the info with him (to a certain extent). I don't know how much of it he actually retained/paid attention to LOL BUT I did share with him info re: positive OPKs and temp jumps. He didn't seem to be affected by the pressure to perform during certain days, but I never made a big deal about it either...knowledge is power

[wowcheezits]

MH knows when there's a flashing smiley or a smiley on my OPK it's time to HIO. He knows when my temp rises I've ovulated and when it drops a period is coming.