Post by origamimommy on May 11, 2015 17:46:35 GMT -5
This is long, sorry. On Friday H picked up Tyler from daycare. Tyler told H, "max fell off the table and I break his arm and he go to the doctor." There was no incident report or anything, so we asked questions and nothing added up.
Tyler said he was playing and max jumped off the table. We asked if he pushed the other kid, and he kept saying no and that max jumped. Tyler always tells us when he's done something wrong. He always admits to it.
So I talked to the teacher and Tyler and here's what I know: The incident happened on Wednesday and Tyler didn't mention it until Friday. They didn't file an incident report because Tyler wasn't near max so the head and assistant teacher both believe max jumped and that Tyler did not push him. Tyler also says max jumped. Max's mom is the teacher in the preschool room, where Tyler's going in a couple of months. She immediately accused Tyler of pushing her son. She also told Tyler on Friday (after it was generally decided Tyler didn't do anything to the kid) that Tyler broke his arm.
So what do I do? Tyler's going to be in her room soon. I'm planning on discussing it with the director, but I'm so embarrassed that Tyler may have pushed this kid and he broke his arm. I'm also pissed that this woman is telling my kid he broke her kids arm when everyone else said he didn't. WWJ12D?
First thought - daycare teacher doesn't want to admit that her kid was an asshole standing on a table and jumping, so has to blame someone. Also, if 2 teachers say that Tyler wasn't near the kid he probably wasn't near the kid! And no matter what the preschool teacher was out of line for basically saying "you broke my sons arm." Totally inappropriate. I would definitely go to the director and state that you want to know what happened. Tyler is upset that his friend is hurt and you have heard differing stories.
I feel bad that he will be there soon because I feel there will be a bias against Tyler. I don't know how to respond to that yet...
Post by somethingcleverer on May 11, 2015 17:55:52 GMT -5
I probably wouldn't let him go to that teachers room. I would talk to the director and have the director talk to the other mom/teacher too. She works there and knows the other teachers, Doesn't she think that they would report him hurting the other child? If anyone actually thought Tyler did it they would have filed a report immediately. If she doesn't believe that maybe it's time for a new day care.
My other question is- how did Tyler even get brought into it? Was there a problem before? Just seems weird that she would pick Tyler out and say it was him. Makes me so angry for you.
Post by origamimommy on May 11, 2015 18:00:55 GMT -5
I have no idea. His teacher told me from the angle the other kids mom was standing, it looked like Tyler was closer to him. I obviously see them both many days out of the week and have never noticed an issue. I'm just a mess. Tyler swears max jumped but then says he broke the kids arm. I just don't get it. I'm calling around to other daycares tomorrow.
I think he's saying he broke his arm bc she told him he did. That's ridiculous. Also if she saw it happen she knows if he pushed or not. Did his hand touch or not. AND if Tyler did push he wasn't doing it intentionally or the teachers would say "they were fighting" it really seems like a strange scenario.
Talk to the director. That's inappropriate for a parent never mind a teacher to accuse a kid like that. I typed out several replies about maybe giving her a second chance assuming she apologized, but I don't think I would want her around my kid regardless. If there is a second preschool class, or she has to switch out for the year because of having her kid in her class I'd stay, otherwise I would finish my contract and find a new preschool come September.
I'm sorry this happened to you and Tyler. Poor little guy prob said he did it cuz of that mom brainwashed him into thinking he really did it. I wouldn't want him with that teacher next year either.
I'm definitely with starfishy on this one too - it seems all kinds of inappropriate and also completely out of line too. If the other teachers were there and saw Tyler right around when the situation happened and there was no incident report then their word is what I would trust.
I would definitely talk to the director tomorrow and voice your concerns that she is blaming Tyler when he clearly did not do it. He's saying he broke the kids arm because he's confused. He knows he didn't push the kid, so of course he has mixed stories with her blaming him.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this - what a mess.
Post by xanthepants on May 11, 2015 20:17:46 GMT -5
I'm not sure I'd want him in her class either with the way this is playing out unless something drastically changes. As a teacher I wouldn't be accusing unless I saw something plain as day, they should know to watch what they say. I get that she is emotional, but even as a mom, I'm not sure I'd be running around blaming a 2 year old for breaking my kids arm. My frist thought would always be that it was an accident unless it was completely witnessed by people as otherwise. So I guess I'd do some digging, see what you can find out from other sources, and most likely, I'd pull and put him somewhere else explaining you feel there would be unfair treatment.
Post by bantyrooster on May 11, 2015 20:26:30 GMT -5
I wouldn't want him in her class. IMO she is completely out of line. Even if he did do it you don't say that to a 3 year old! And I bet he is saying he did it because she told him that!
I'm not sure I'd want him in her class either with the way this is playing out unless something drastically changes. As a teacher I wouldn't be accusing unless I saw something plain as day, they should know to watch what they say. I get that she is emotional, but even as a mom, I'm not sure I'd be running around blaming a 2 year old for breaking my kids arm. My frist thought would always be that it was an accident unless it was completely witnessed by people as otherwise. So I guess I'd do some digging, see what you can find out from other sources, and most likely, I'd pull and put him somewhere else explaining you feel there would be unfair treatment.
This. Even if Tyler did push the other kid for her to get in his face & tell him that he broke her kids arm is completely inappropriate. Our kids are young, they get frustrated & push or hit (or in my kids case poke them in the face) & it sucks but all kids do it. For her to force guilt and confusion on a 2yo is completely unforgivable in my book and I wouldn't trust someone like that to teach my child.
Post by origamimommy on May 11, 2015 20:55:11 GMT -5
Thanks for the support everyone. I have a list of 3 daycares in the same area for me to call tomorrow. I am definitely not cool with him going into her room. When I was talking to his teacher today, she said no one told Tyler that he broke Max's arm unless it was Max's mom so I am assuming there. But honestly, there is no other way he would have known. The teacher also told me that right when Max fell, she was outside with her class and ran over to the other playground and was in Tyler's face saying, "Did you push him?" all over him. T's teacher also said that Tyler always admits when he's done something, and if he doesn't, he just stares silently. She told me he never lies about stuff. And immediately he said, ."No I didn't push him, he jumped." It's really frustrating. I wouldn't have even known about this if Tyler hadn't told me about it, because like I said, no incident report, because no one believes that Tyler did it at all, and no one actually saw him do it. They said he wasn't even near Max. I don't understand why she is so pissed at Tyler when everyone else there said he had nothing to do with it. I am so mad. I am pissed off that she ruined his daycare and now I have to find a new one. I don't want to move him. I feel like there's no choice. I will talk to the director tomorrow and see what's going on, but I don't think it will actually change anything.
Post by mommymadness on May 11, 2015 20:57:48 GMT -5
I would also be talking to the director about the mom/ teacher acting inappropriately. That is horrible telling Tyler he broke her kids arm! Poor kid is probably so confused.
I'm not sure I'd want him in her class either with the way this is playing out unless something drastically changes. As a teacher I wouldn't be accusing unless I saw something plain as day, they should know to watch what they say. I get that she is emotional, but even as a mom, I'm not sure I'd be running around blaming a 2 year old for breaking my kids arm. My frist thought would always be that it was an accident unless it was completely witnessed by people as otherwise. So I guess I'd do some digging, see what you can find out from other sources, and most likely, I'd pull and put him somewhere else explaining you feel there would be unfair treatment.
This. Even if Tyler did push the other kid for her to get in his face & tell him that he broke her kids arm is completely inappropriate. Our kids are young, they get frustrated & push or hit (or in my kids case poke them in the face) & it sucks but all kids do it. For her to force guilt and confusion on a 2yo is completely unforgivable in my book and I wouldn't trust someone like that to teach my child.
I agree with this. Especially the "For her to force guilt and confusion on a 2yo is completely unforgivable..." This is not the kind of teacher I would want to teach my child compassion, understanding, forgiveness, or social skills in general. That alone would be enough for me to want him to have a different teacher. I am so sorry you and Tyler are dealing with this.
I'm so sorry this happened, origamimommy. It is completely inappropriate for a teacher/mother to behave that way. I do have to say that if it were me, I'd try to take a step back for a minute before automatically removing him from the daycare. I would most definitely talk to the director asap and possibly even broach a conversation w the mom herself, but if T is happy there otherwise and this is the first occasion something negative had happened I wouldn't jump the gun. Maybe there was a misunderstanding. Maybe it can be worked out.
I would meet with the director for several reasons. First to find out what really happened and second to request that my child not be in this other parent/teachers class. If Tyler's teachers said he did not push the child, then he most likely did not. However, in my opinion, even if Tyler had pushed him, the parent has no right as a teacher to say what she did. If she makes blaming comments like that to a 2 year old then that isn't the type of person I would want teaching my child anyway, even without the preconceived ideas she may have about Tyler. In my opinion, the school needs a new teacher. She doesn't sound like a very professional or loving person.
I would say to the director exactly what you said to us - that you are so upset that this is ruining the experience for Tyler. If I was the director I would be pissed that I was losing a good family. Also- her kid got hurt but she first needs to blame Tyler for pushing?
UGH I am so angry for you. How dare a teacher tell a kid he broke another kid's arm. Who does that?? Someone who shouldn't be a teacher. I would move him but would also make a complaint about how she handled the situation. Accidents happen and whether he jumped or was pushed, you don't get in a 3 year olds face and badger him. Keeping him there would make me feel so uneasy every day. I say peace out daycare. Sorry you have to deal with this.
Post by origamimommy on May 12, 2015 7:51:24 GMT -5
I just scheduled two daycare tours for when we get back. I definitely don't want him in her classroom. I asked both daycares and they said that teachers are not permitted to teach their own children (they would get moved to a different room temporarily) so I need to check the policy at his current school. Tyler and her son are the same age, so she would never teach Tyler if she couldn't teach her own son, which is good. I am so sad at the thought of moving him, but for her to accuse him twice--once before she had any information, and again after both of their teachers said Tyler wasn't near the other kid, is too much. I just don't think he would get the objective care that he should.
Post by bantyrooster on May 12, 2015 8:13:32 GMT -5
Honestly if I was the director she would be getting in trouble. Its one thing for a mom to be upset but totally inappropriate how she is acting as a teacher. She would more than likely be suspended or put on probation. Depending on future behavior maybe even fired. No one, especially a teacher, should be in a child's face.
as others have said I would start by talking to the director. I would try to resolve this without moving centers. For me resolution would include that woman not teaching my child, and her being talked to/disciplined etc. Maybe an apology to you as well.
as others have said I would start by talking to the director. I would try to resolve this without moving centers. For me resolution would include that woman not teaching my child, and her being talked to/disciplined etc. Maybe an apology to you as well.
Everything paddyb said. Add to that an apology to Tyler. Poor kid probably feels bad when he didn't even do anything!
as others have said I would start by talking to the director. I would try to resolve this without moving centers. For me resolution would include that woman not teaching my child, and her being talked to/disciplined etc. Maybe an apology to you as well.
What a terrible situation! I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this.
I agree with paddy. Something every faculty parent needs to learn is how to wear different hats. When you're at school you have your teacher hat on. When you're at home you have your mom hat on. It sounds like this woman is either unable to distinguish when her first priority is to be a teacher vs be a mom, or she doesn't have any interest to. This should be something the director should be helping her teachers with, too. I don't know what it looks like in a daycare situation, but I know the teacher's handbook for my school has very clear cut rules and guidelines for faculty parents.
I would definitely speak to the director and make it very clear that some serious lines have been crossed. I can't even begin to imagine the trouble I would get in if I ever did something like that at work. If the director isn't willing to take action to protect Tyler as well as discipline that teacher, I'd look for a new place (and make it extremely clear why you were leaving the first place.)
Post by origamimommy on May 12, 2015 13:42:15 GMT -5
So an update, I called the director (she wasn't in before) and scheduled a meeting with her for this evening. I was told by the teacher yesterday that they all gave statements and no one believed Tyler pushed the kid.
The director told me that before we could meet she needed to talk to the teachers and compile the information together for me. It's like conflicting information everywhere. I currently feel like I am going to vomit because I am literally so stressed out about this and so worried. Both other daycares I called said teachers can't teach their own kids, so I am hoping that's the case here, but who knows. I have no idea what is truth or fiction and I don't know that I have ever been this stressed out or nervous about something.
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