Middle name drama...

[mehlaknee]

Ok. a little history.

Hubby and I have been married for almost two years. Got married shot gun style because his mom was diagnosed with cancer. We were told to get our affairs in order. Engaged only a yr after dating and so I didnt get to know his mom well before the cancer diagnosis. Well - i feel terrible speaking ill of the dead but lets just say her and I did NOT get a long very well. I dont think she ever liked me and I certainly didnt like her. Had to tolerate because of the situation.

Now fast forward. She passed Aug 2014. We found out I was pregnant in Nov. Hubby has 5 brothers and sisters and one of his nephews first name is named after his father so I feel like I dont have to worry about my FIL...We are not finding out the sex of this baby so I have some time but just want some advice..

If its a girl : Emerson Eileen - middle name for my mother.

If its a boy : Finn Henry - also middl ename for my father. This one isnt a big deal since his dad already has a grandkid in his name...

My struggle here is that I dont know if I should name her Emerson Christina (doesnt flow as nicely in my opinion) for my MIL...

He would NEVER ask me to. He knew of our strained relationship..we actually dont talk much about her. He tends to keep things inside. I know that the gesture would be huge but really? I feel like there are other grandkids that can come after us from all his siblings and they could do it. Maybe im making more of a deal than it is but I just dont know how to flat out tell him that I want to name her after my mother...

[zebrapanther1311]

Well Emerson is not good to start with. It's a nice boy name, bad girl name.

As for the middle name debate, I guess it's just up to you. If you want to do a nice gesture and honor her then great but I also don't think it would be a big deal to not use your mil's name.

[mags]

Agreed your bigger problem is the name Emerson. "son" of.

[mehlaknee]

haha, well thats fine. im not under the impression that everyone will like the name and im not easily offended so it doesnt matter. Emerson goes both ways now and have met plenty of female versions. im more concerned about whether its considered rude or insensitive of me to pass up on my MIls name.

[kissandglow]

Focusing solely on the middle name, nobody should feel guilted into naming their kid after someone. So, no it will not be a big deal if you choose Eileen over Christine.

[Widget123]

Assuming that MIL and FIL were married, shared the same last name, and the baby will have your DH's last name, I would focus on that. DH brought up the idea of naming LO#2 FIL's name the 3rd if it is a boy and I know FIL will bring up the same thing again because he did with DD, but hell no, and if/when he does I am going to point out the child will have his family's last name and that is enough.

[mehlaknee]

Jan 22, 2015 7:37:24 GMT -5 Widget123 said:

Assuming that MIL and FIL were married, shared the same last name, and the baby will have your DH's last name, I would focus on that. DH brought up the idea of naming LO#2 FIL's name the 3rd if it is a boy and I know FIL will bring up the same thing again because he did with DD, but hell no, and if/when he does I am going to point out the child will have his family's last name and that is enough.

i totally feel this way as well! his name gets carried on. i think thats more than fair...

[Divefrog]

Jan 22, 2015 8:46:52 GMT -5 mehlaknee said:

Jan 22, 2015 7:37:24 GMT -5 Widget123 said:

Assuming that MIL and FIL were married, shared the same last name, and the baby will have your DH's last name, I would focus on that. DH brought up the idea of naming LO#2 FIL's name the 3rd if it is a boy and I know FIL will bring up the same thing again because he did with DD, but hell no, and if/when he does I am going to point out the child will have his family's last name and that is enough.

i totally feel this way as well! his name gets carried on. i think thats more than fair...

I approached middle names before first names with DH. I laid it out this same way to DH. The child would have his family's last name. I wanted a name from my family for the middle name, and we could together choose an original first name. 

Luckily he didn't feel that strongly about middle names. However, I did give him the choice of 2-3 girls middle names from my family so he had input. For our boy middle name we actually lucked out as both his father and mine have the same first name so we agreed to use their name for a son's middle name. 

If you haven't discussed this topic at all with your husband, I would just keep it casual. I would say you have been thinking about middle names for girls, and mention a few you like, not just your mother's name. See where the discussion goes. I will say Christina vs. Christine is a difficult name to use as a middle name. In my opinion the A ending doesn't flow well after most names. If you really feel like you would like to offer up an option to honor his mother maybe HER middle name, or variation of would be more palatable to you, or even her maiden name for a boys middle name. My brother has both of our grandmother's maiden names as middle names. 

[minervamae]

Speaking just to your question on the middle name...the flow, etc doesn't matter, in my opinion. What matters is how you and your DH feel about honoring her. I'd have to ask him straight out how he feels about it. It may be too soon for him to be comfortable with it. It may be something he'd dearly love and mean the world to him. Until you have an open conversation, you won't know for sure.

Based solely on what you have written, if I were making the decision, I'd probably look at choosing the middle name after someone besides one of the grandmothers. That way I wouldn't be naming her after a woman I couldn't hope she would emulate (MIL), but I also wouldn't be pointing that out by naming her after my mother. It just seems too fresh of a loss, to me.

Good luck!

[estrellas]

Don't feel obligated to name your kid after someone you don't like or didn't know well.

And I disagree that Emerson is accepted as a girl's name. I know a lot of people who side-eye it, since it means "son of Emer".

Emer, now, that's a fine *girl's* name historically, the wife of an Irish mythological figure... www.behindthename.com/name/emer

[ashiscute]

I do not feel that it is honoring a family member if you use the name out if obligation. But I would feel guilty using my moms name and not be willing to use his. Could you use one of your grandmothers for a middle possibly?

I have two kids and both middle names are from my family. I didn't feel guilty about that. However this one will be from DH's family because I think that feels right for us.

[chibiyui]

I really don't care for Emerson for a girl. It makes me think of Ralph Waldo Emerson, and enh. It seems a bit pretentious.

Emer like a PP suggested could be nice.

[bromios]

I like the name Christina better than the name Eileen, but I firmly believe in not honoring anyone you have mixed feelings about in your child's name.

The larger issue here is that Emerson is not a girl name and needs to go asap. It literally means "son of Emery." FTR, Emery is also a boy name and should never be used on a girl. I know that other people engage in this ill-informed behavior, but now you know better and don't have to join them in their foolish ways. So pick a different fn and use Eileen as the mn. As pp pointed out, Emer is a lovely girl name, but she was incorrect in thinking that Emerson meant "son of Emer."

[mehlaknee]

Well guys, thanks for everyones input about the middle name. I never even thought about finding another female member to name her after. I dont even know why it didnt cross my mind...will talk to him about it. thank you!

As for all the input on Emerson, that wasnt where I needed help. I guess i appreciate everyones honesty but it really doesnt matter. I am under no impression that everyone has to like or agree with a name that we choose. I think at the end of the day - unless a name is obscene- it doesnt matter who likes it, as long as the mother and father agree. And for those that feel it really cant be a girls name, Im actually quite fond of girls with masculine names - not why we chose it, but still.

And Ralph Waldo Emerson is a beautiful poet whom my husband and i both adore.

[carli]

I definitely don't think you need to name your child after someone you didn't get along with, particularly b/c you DH isn't even requesting it. I think if it was important to him he would bring it up, and at that point I would probably suggest using it as a second middle name. I just don't think you are obligated to name your child anything, and only need to consider it if it's important to your partner.

[dreadpiratebuttercup]

Emerson means SON of Emery. Emery is a boy name, and Emerson is inherently masculine.

Christina Eileen would be lovely. Or Aibhlinn Christina (pronounced ayv-LEEN, Irish form of Eileen).

[dreadpiratebuttercup]

Though I do agree that if you have mixed feelings about your late MIL, you shouldn't use her name. Maybe don't use a family name at all.

And you may like masculine names on girls ( ) but your daughter most likely won't. Give her a name that she can be proud of, that will age well and do well professionally. Emmeline or Emmanuelle would be a lovely feminine alternative.

[lexisophie55]

I agree with the PP who said to find a more neutral MN.

We have a family of Emersons around here...That's all I think about. It will probably work on a boy or girl.

[bromios]

Jan 22, 2015 11:28:11 GMT -5 mehlaknee said:

Well guys, thanks for everyones input about the middle name. I never even thought about finding another female member to name her after. I dont even know why it didnt cross my mind...will talk to him about it. thank you!

As for all the input on Emerson, that wasnt where I needed help. I guess i appreciate everyones honesty but it really doesnt matter. I am under no impression that everyone has to like or agree with a name that we choose. I think at the end of the day - unless a name is obscene- it doesnt matter who likes it, as long as the mother and father agree. And for those that feel it really cant be a girls name, Im actually quite fond of girls with masculine names - not why we chose it, but still.

And Ralph Waldo Emerson is a beautiful poet whom my husband and i both adore.

But it's not just masculine in terms of having the attributes commonly associated with masculinity, it is linguistically, grammatically masculine. It would be like naming your daughter "boy." If you like Transcendentalism, name your daughter after Margaret Fuller. You may not have thought you needed help in this area, but it is quite apparent that you do.

[mehlaknee]

Look guys. I appreciate all the help. Really. But the discussion about her first name really is pointless. Let's just drop it? I don't want to delete the thread but I think we should just move on.

There were some great suggestions on the middle name situation that I truly appreciate but let's be done with it. Not everyone will love each others decisions. It doesn't make anyone stupid or foolish because we don't agree. We are all entitled to our opinions.

[helenahhandbasket]

OP, if he hasn't brought it to the table, and you didn't get along with her, don't use your late MIL's name.

Also, the saying "shotgun wedding" means the bride is pregnant at the wedding, just FYI.

[mehlaknee]

Jan 22, 2015 15:15:07 GMT -5 helenahhandbasket said:

OP, if he hasn't brought it to the table, and you didn't get along with her, don't use your late MIL's name.

Also, the saying "shotgun wedding" means the bride is pregnant at the wedding, just FYI.

Haha true. Definitely no baby then despite all the rumors and me having to explain to everyone. I think people just thought I was lying and were waiting for the pregnancy announcement right after.

[bromios]

Jan 22, 2015 15:08:31 GMT -5 mehlaknee said:

Look guys. I appreciate all the help. Really. But the discussion about her first name really is pointless. Let's just drop it? I don't want to delete the thread but I think we should just move on.

There were some great suggestions on the middle name situation that I truly appreciate but let's be done with it. Not everyone will love each others decisions. It doesn't make anyone stupid or foolish because we don't agree. We are all entitled to our opinions.

Why would you delete a thread just because people are telling you that they think you really need to rethink the fn? If you can't handle the negative feedback (which has been pretty damn tame) then you REALLY shouldn't use the name. You're naming a human being, it's serious business, and there are a million beautiful girl names that are strong and elegant and wonderful. Is a mediocre surname that only belongs on a boy really the best you and your husband can come up with?

[mehlaknee]

Jan 22, 2015 15:30:35 GMT -5 bromios said:

Jan 22, 2015 15:08:31 GMT -5 mehlaknee said:

Look guys. I appreciate all the help. Really. But the discussion about her first name really is pointless. Let's just drop it? I don't want to delete the thread but I think we should just move on.

There were some great suggestions on the middle name situation that I truly appreciate but let's be done with it. Not everyone will love each others decisions. It doesn't make anyone stupid or foolish because we don't agree. We are all entitled to our opinions.

Why would you delete a thread just because people are telling you that they think you really need to rethink the fn? If you can't handle the negative feedback (which has been pretty damn tame) then you REALLY shouldn't use the name. You're naming a human being, it's serious business, and there are a million beautiful girl names that are strong and elegant and wonderful. Is a mediocre surname that only belongs on a boy really the best you and your husband can come up with?

I said I do not WANT to delete it. I don't want to disappear and be rude to everyone responding but you keep insisting that this is a horrible name and I just don't care. You keep pressing this issue. It is serious business naming a child but I highly doubt I'm going to do all my harm with her name - especially when we plan on calling her Emmy. Not that I need to try to appease you since I don't even know who you are but you keep saying its masculine and I shouldn't use it. Would it make you feel better if I spelled it Emersyn? Since you are all so hung up on the "son" and where it originated? It really doesn't matter to me. There have been a few very special female Emersons in my life and although she is not necessary names after any of them - it brings back very fond and sweet memories of these precious girls that I cared for. Everyone is different. I think where we live also makes a big impact. I live in a place where there are a lot of female Rileys and Parkers and other names that were once just reserved for boys. It truly doesn't bother me that you are so against it. Because like I said - I know I won't please everyone. But you just continue pushing your opinion and you're wasting your time.

Believe me. Got it. You think I'm setting her up for a world of hurt with this name. How could I do that to my daughter?!? I'll start her therapy fund then.

[Idani]

Good grief don't do Emersyn.

[mehlaknee]

Jan 22, 2015 15:40:12 GMT -5 Idani said:

Good grief don't do Emersyn.

Yea I personally hate the spelling...

[sahmommie]

Nope I don't think you should feel guilty about it. I also agree it doesn't flow well and I like your first choice. 

[carli]

For what it's worth, my teenage nephews are convinced the name Charlie is a girls name. DN2's middle name is Charles and he Hates it b/c he's convinced it's too girly. So, just my opinion, but Emerson sounds girly to me and is more popular as a girls name where I live. Personally if I were going to name a child that, it would be a girl. I do not believe it will harm a child at all, boy or girl.

I've never liked my own name but it didn't make me doubt my self worth, question who I am, or anything negative. It is what it is and I use the name anyway.

[bromios]

Jan 22, 2015 15:42:14 GMT -5 mehlaknee said:

Jan 22, 2015 15:40:12 GMT -5 Idani said:

Good grief don't do Emersyn.

Yea I personally hate the spelling...

That isn't even a real spelling... and I didn't say you're going to traumatize your child, I'm just saying you're giving them an unattractive, not sex-appropriate name and it doesn't seem like it's for a particularly good reason. One of the sweetest girls I know has a masculine ln as a fn and there's no way in hell I would even consider giving it to a daughter, even though I love this person very dearly, because I would be consciously doing the naming thing wrong. Naming is important enough to where making sure you're not doing it wrong is worthwhile. People do naming wrong out of ignorance all the time, and I roll my eyes at them, but when someone has been informed and still decides to do it wrong, that's just bizarre to me. You don't have to take my word for it, but considering I can read nine languages and have many years of experience in linguistics, my opinions tend to be pretty well informed.

[mehlaknee]

Jan 22, 2015 16:00:21 GMT -5 bromios said:

Jan 22, 2015 15:42:14 GMT -5 mehlaknee said:

Yea I personally hate the spelling...

That isn't even a real spelling... and I didn't say you're going to traumatize your child, I'm just saying you're giving them an unattractive, not sex-appropriate name and it doesn't seem like it's for a particularly good reason. One of the sweetest girls I know has a masculine ln as a fn and there's no way in hell I would even consider giving it to a daughter, even though I love this person very dearly, because I would be consciously doing the naming thing wrong. Naming is important enough to where making sure you're not doing it wrong is worthwhile. People do naming wrong out of ignorance all the time, and I roll my eyes at them, but when someone has been informed and still decides to do it wrong, that's just bizarre to me. You don't have to take my word for it, but considering I can read nine languages and have many years of experience in linguistics, my opinions tend to be pretty well informed.

Well i think this is just a classic case of two people agreeing to disagree. no use in discussing it further since we wont change each other's minds.