For moms with other children already, how did your hubby's/SO's handle the first baby? Had he ever held a newborn before? Was he horrible at changing diapers, bottle feeding, dressing baby, bathing baby etc? We're you nervous to leave baby #1 home with him to go out grocery shopping? I want to hear about some Dad experiences! First time moms- how do you think your SO is going to handle being a brand new Daddy?
Post by catladymeow on Jan 23, 2015 9:06:03 GMT -5
I'm a FTM and DH has way more experience with babies than I do, from his nephews and nieces. I'm an only child and have never been around babies, I've never held them, changed a diaper...NOTHING.
8.5 years ago when we had our daughter, my husband didn't have a ton of experience with babies. His youngest brother was born when he was 12 but it had obviously been a while since then. I was a bit of a wreck post-birth and couldn't get out of bed easily so he changed all of her meconium diapers in the hospital. It was hilarious - he was appalled. LOL. Beyond that, though, he did pretty well. He tried really hard and did whatever he could to build a relationship. He was a professional swaddler and he did the baths when he got home from work. My son wasn't a very happy baby and only wanted his mama, so their relationship was slower to warm, but it wasn't for lack of my husband trying. My son is 6.5 now and they have a great relationship. I think it really took off when my son became a toddler.
Post by gamergirl360 on Jan 23, 2015 9:17:29 GMT -5
FTM- I know DH is going to do great, but the diapers worry me. He has never ever changed a diaper. He will argue this because ONCE his 2 year old niece asked him to help her put on a new pull up after she took the wet one off herself (I do not count this as experience).
I'm a FTM but DH has a son, almost 5yrs old, from before. He has no problem with diaper changing or waking up in the middle of the night to take care of a screaming toddler (I cam into the picture when SS was almost 2), but as he has gotten older my husband has gotten more laid back and it scares me. Want to run around with a knife? No problem! Chew gum and go to the playground? Sure! Throwing balls indoors close to the glass cabinets? Go right ahead! It's like he thinks his son is some sort of boy genious who knows how not to accidentally kill himself, when history shows that he's a normal boy, who has no sense of what is dangerous and what is not. He broke his jaw at his mother's house because he was jumping on the couch and fell to the floor. I try to have house rules such as "no running with knifes" and "no jumping on couches" but DH "forgets" to enforce them.
No running with knives is hopefully a universal rule. LOL. Your DH will be more cautious with a baby, hopefully!
I don't think that DH had any experience with babies, but he was a natural. Sometimes I feel like he was/is better with DS than I am. He changed the majority of DS's diapers for the first couple of weeks until he went back to work, and was great at calming him down if he was crying.
He didn't do any of the research (reading books, blogs, ect) that I did, but somehow he just knew what to do.
Post by ladyannibal on Jan 23, 2015 9:20:37 GMT -5
DH has a son already but if this one is a girl he already let me know that he has no idea what to do with a girl lol. I'm sure he'll be a great dad once he gets use to the idea that her having a cooter doesn't make her any different from our son haha. Our son on the other hand he let's go batshit crazy and sometimes I stop him and sometimes I just let stuff happen. Yes, he is a boy, no, I don't want him playing ball in the house, jumping off of things, and doing tricks on his trike. They both like to give me mini heart attacks.
FI has a son but the mom didn't let him around much when he was born. So even though he has a little experience he's still terrified of babies. I'm a FTM but I'm pretty comfortable with babies and diapers and whatnot. It's going to be a little bit of a struggle with him I think but he'll get tired of my bitching and get over his fears. He thinks he's not changing diapers....HA!
FTM: I am SO excited to watch my hubs become a father. His own dad was a deadbeat, so he was largely involved with raising his younger brothers and is a natural dad. We also had two foster children most of last year, and he was amazing with them. I love watching him with our nieces/nephews and the children of our friends and have no doubt that he will be a very hands-on dad.
DH had some experience with babies, so he wasn't completely naive. We were both learning with diapers (cloth), and I ebf'd. By the time DD had a bottle she could hold it herself. He was terrible with wakeups because he's such a heavy sleeper. But was a matter swaddler. I was still nervous to ever leave DD for months, wasn't just with DH. But he was always amazing.
Post by chelseamp11 on Jan 23, 2015 9:39:39 GMT -5
Hubby had MINIMAL experience with babies (other than his nephew) but he was such a natural. I swear that first week after DS was born, I fell in love with H all over again watching him be a father.
DH had barely even held a baby before DS and definitely never changed a diaper or fed a baby.
I was really surprised at how quickly he caught on and bonded with DS. I was still the primary caretaker the whole first year- mostly because I was breast feeding- but he was happy to help. I felt that he still didn't fully understand the responsibility of parenting though because I was basically in charge of everything- feeding, picking out clothes, washing clothes, pick up/drop off from daycare, etc. I was frustrated that I had to ask DH for "help" (even if he was glad to give it) when I wanted him to be more responsible on a daily basis.
After 13 months, we were done breast feeding and my work schedule changed so DH had to get DS up and ready and take him to school in the morning and that made such a big difference. I think it made him feel more "ownership" even though that sounds kind of silly. And also toddlers can be silly and play and I think dads connect with that too.
I'm sure your SO will be great with your LO- they adapt better than we give then credit for sometimes!
Neither of us had a ton of experience with newborns, per-se, but with twins, we BOTH had to figure things out pretty fast. The trial by fire method worked exceptionally well for us. I knew he'd be INCREDIBLY hands on, regardless of whether we had twins or not, but having two made it beyond necessary! We also had 3 months in the NICU to get comfortable with all of that -- under the supervision of excellent nurses. It's a whole new ballgame when your first diaper change is almost too small to navigate on a tiny 2.5lb baby. We have video of DH changing DD1 with his pinkies literally in the air bc he didn't know what to do with all of his "extra" fingers doing such a delicate task. By the time they were in newborn diapers, it was a breeze!
Post by pixiepink24 on Jan 23, 2015 9:49:15 GMT -5
FTM for me but I have lots of nieces and nephews so Im good. As for SO, im a little nervous. He is great with older kids, ones that can play and interact, but has never really had any experience with babies or newborns. He is wanting to learn though which is good. He even bought a book! I think my biggest concern is if he is going to "chill out" with the wanting to go out and drinking when this baby arrives. Im also hoping he will quit or cut down on smoking. He tends to be a heavy sleeper so I have a feeling he won't be waking up in the middle of the night. I guess we shall see when the time comes!
This is our third. When DD was born neither of us had ton of baby experience. I had taken care of nephew as a baby but he was 9 when DD was born. DH had held his nieces a handful of times.
He was a natural once DD was born. He had no problems changing diapers, burping, and is still a better swaddler than I am. He was home for the first two weeks with us and he was so incredibly helpful. I think he did struggle when he went back to work a bit because babies change so quickly he wouldn't always know how to help her as easily as me since I was home more. But he really adjusted just as well as I did. I think what helped was me genuinely asking for and wanting his help and opinion. And also not acting as if I knew more just because I was the mom. I mean nothing makes you feel like you know less than having a new baby!
bshelly I am also a FTM and super excited to see my husband with our daughter. I already know it's going to be so beautiful watching him with her- I can't wait.
However, DH has never held a newborn or changed a diaper so that should be fun but I know a lot of dads (and some moms like catladymeow) who haven't had any experience but will learn and I'm sure be great at it! I know I'll be nervous to leave her with him at first since I'll be with her the most but I'm sure he'll be great when I eventually do. On my "Advise for first timers" thread on TB I remember someone saying to not get upset with DH about every little thing he does wrong or take everything into your own hands in order to get it done "correctly". If that was to happen your SO would probably not want to help with anything for fear of doing it wrong or getting yelled at. I personally think this might be an issue for me but I am already thinking about it and going to make sure I do my best to not do that to him. He's a FTD too so I know he'll be learning right along with me.
With our first I was hella scared. DH refused to even hold a baby, let alone feed or change. Plus, he's not the most sensitive or affectionate. But I swear from the second DS was born, DH blew me away. They quickly developed their own relationship and it still melts my heart to watch 2.5 years later.
I'm a FTM but DH has a son, almost 5yrs old, from before. He has no problem with diaper changing or waking up in the middle of the night to take care of a screaming toddler (I cam into the picture when SS was almost 2), but as he has gotten older my husband has gotten more laid back and it scares me. Want to run around with a knife? No problem! Chew gum and go to the playground? Sure! Throwing balls indoors close to the glass cabinets? Go right ahead! It's like he thinks his son is some sort of boy genious who knows how not to accidentally kill himself, when history shows that he's a normal boy, who has no sense of what is dangerous and what is not. He broke his jaw at his mother's house because he was jumping on the couch and fell to the floor. I try to have house rules such as "no running with knifes" and "no jumping on couches" but DH "forgets" to enforce them.
First, I'm jealous. FI is on sleeping medication so getting up in the middle of the night is definitely not happening.
Secondly, he is also a child himself. So throwing things in the house is not a rule to him either. I can barely trust him with a plastic knife.
For moms with other children already, how did your hubby's/SO's handle the first baby? Had he ever held a newborn before? Was he horrible at changing diapers, bottle feeding, dressing baby, bathing baby etc? We're you nervous to leave baby #1 home with him to go out grocery shopping? I want to hear about some Dad experiences! First time moms- how do you think your SO is going to handle being a brand new Daddy?
My DH is very reserved and shy, thus he had never really interacted much with babies. He had only ever held one newborn (his nephew) and played with my older nieces and nephews so he had zero baby experience. I was incredibly nervous. In the hospital after having her I went into mom mode and pretty much did everything just because I was a crazy new mom. Once we got home, to real life, everything changed. He became super dad. He was a diaper changing champ after the first couple mishaps, could get her to eat better than I could, got up with her most nights while I was sleeping. A lot of nights he would be up with her and I would secretly lay there awake and think "how did I get this lucky?". It was truly wonderful. I think just like FTMs our FTDs completely change and a lot of things come naturally to them as well. He will do WONDERFUL!
Neither one of us had a ton of experience with babies when our first was born. DH was really a natural. He went with his instinct while I wanted to follow a "rule" at first. I think that made him much more comfortable faster. He is fabulous with kids and works with them daily. So while he does babies pretty well- he really shines once they get older. It absolutely makes me fall in love with him all over again.
Post by errsbear11 on Jan 23, 2015 10:26:30 GMT -5
FTM - And I'm VERY nervous about DH. I know I'll be doing everything on my own he's never held a baby, and says I'll be fine "on my own" for the first few mos, because they don't do much anyhow! And in terms of the right now and planning for baby, we are both changing jobs, NEED to move 3 hrs away by March, buying our first house, and need a car. He seems to think all that +baby bills are "no big deal"! He is, however, planning his new gaming computer and oculus rift purchase, several vacations during my third trimester, and his own overnight getaways during paternity leave! <---so yeah, I'm scared for this!
I'm hoping in the coming weeks when I start to show he gets more serious, since his response to anything I ask help with is "you're BARELY pregnant!"
Post by mollykinnz on Jan 23, 2015 10:31:58 GMT -5
FTM - DH is very nervous about diapers, he isn't sure he can handle it. I keep telling him that he isn't going to let his little baby sit there uncomfortable just because he is afraid of changing a diaper (if I wasn't around). Other than that he is feeling pretty good about everything. He is going to take some time off with me at the beginning so it will be nice to have some help when we are both first learning everything.
I am loving going through pregnancy with him. It is bringing us so much closer and I am so excited to see what becoming parents will be like
Post by cgiles120812 on Jan 23, 2015 10:36:46 GMT -5
STM and dh had some experience with his niece and nephew but not much. He was fine at holding dd, feeding her, and etc. But he hates changing diapers and could not stand spit up lol (think Vince Vaughn on 4 Christmases) Honestly I preferred changing her and everything because I could do it way faster then dh could. He is awesome with dd though and is such a great help. I have left dd with him before multiple times and she was absolutely fine. The first time I was leaving her with him, I could tell he was scared.
I'm a FTM: I love this question, it got me thinking: DH is great with kids. He is great with our niece and nephews. But i have only seen him hold a newborn a few times and that was when our niece was very little. And he has fed her a few times. But I think he will pick up quickly when our twins arrive. He doesn't have a choice! I will need the help. I think the most difficult thing will be changing diapers. He has a very easy gag reflex. But I also thought he would be bad with my MS but he is doing great with that, he could sleep right through it now or he try's to help and rubs my back.. ( but he learned quickly to leave me alone and get me a glass of water)
TTC: 2/14 DX: w/PCOS:6/14 1st round of letrozole: 9/14- bust 2nd round of letrozole: 10/14- thought it was a bust BFP: 11/7/14 Discovered baby B (twins) 12/1/14
I definitely think my DH is going to be freaked out with a little baby! He has never held a newborn before, let alone changed a diaper or anything. I think he'll handle it well after adjusting but we're definitely going to have a break in period where he's pretty nervous handling baby.
ETA: we're going to take a newborn basics class. I am comfortable around babies but I want him to learn the ins and outs.
DH was completely clueless! And I'll be honest, DD is almost 17 months and DH still does not change diapers. He's a great dad though. DD loves him and she is his entire world.
DH had only held our niece before we had DD. He definitely hadn't changed diapers or bathed a baby or dressed a baby. He might've bottle fed our niece too, but I don't think so. He was great with DD and still is. My only concern with leaving DD was because she was BF and I was more worried about me need to pump or something than I was with him alone.
This time I worry more about juggling two alone than anything else. I'm very thankful DD will be 3.5 when this one comes along, because she's mostly self-sufficient. But I worry that DH (and I, for that matter) will fail with something. Ha, DH was telling me last night about a work trip he'll have to take to Finland in September. I about threw up from the anxiety of having two alone when I'm just back to work.
Post by petrichor14 on Jan 23, 2015 11:15:32 GMT -5
DH and I are both equally inexperienced with babies but he's taking off a month for paternity leave so we've got plenty of time to figure it out together. I'm not really worried about it. His sister had a baby two years ago and some friends had one a month ago, so we've both held an infant exactly twice that we can remember. Diapers, feeding, everything else? Ha! But he's really into this pregnancy and excited about being a dad (he's been wanting to do this for years- I was the one who took convincing.) We're both reading books, we're going to take the classes together, etc. We'll figure it out.
Not that it's the same, but we got a puppy a few years ago and neither of us had ever had a dog before or had much experience being around dogs. So we had to learn all that. I felt like I did a lot more reading and was a lot more prepared, whereas he would just sort of wing it. It did make me uncomfortable to leave him alone with the dog or let him take her somewhere without me, because I felt like he didn't pay enough attention to the little things and didn't have enough of a foundation to know how to tell if something was wrong and what to do about it. It caused some fights. Ok, a lot of fights. He got mad that I didn't "trust him" enough with the dog; I felt like he labeled me as overprotective and then didn't listen to me. But we eventually found compromise and came closer to each others point of view.
I don't know if this is a dynamic we will have to work through with the baby, or if going through it already is going to make it easier for us to deal with if we have similar feelings this time. But I do feel more confident in his parenting skills now, and more respectful of our different approaches. And I think he feels less threatened by my wanting to take charge and make a lot of the minor decisions myself. I feel like we learned a lot about each other and about how we work as a couple, and I'm glad we are going into this whole baby thing having had that experience and worked through some of those things already.
Post by catahoulatte on Jan 23, 2015 11:21:48 GMT -5
He held maybe one or two NBs before DS? He was not very experienced.
I am extremely lucky. DH is and has been from day one VERY involved. Diapers, wakeups, baths, everything. He took it upon himself to read up on stuff and did a lot of skin to skin in the hospital (holding him against him with both of their shirts off). He loves picking his clothes out with him in the morning, he's the one who takes him to school, they have their own secrets and daddy/son time. I've never ever been nervous to leave DS with him because he's always been eager and hands on. He's a fantastic father.
My DH has no newborn experience but he's great with older kids - not just at having fun with them, but being attentive to their needs. I have lots of nephews and a niece and lived-in nannied for my sister when she had twins from the time they were born until their first birthday, so I feel pretty comfortable. We're both going to be learning from scratch with cloth diapering and babywearing, though! DH is already really involved and really he's the sweetest most caring guy on the planet (I hit the husband lottery, seriously) and I can't wait to watch him with our son/daughter.
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