Good luck origamimommy - I know it's cliche to say but what happens is supposed to happen. I hope if you stay together it's for the best and if you don't stay together I hope that is for the best too.
origamimommy, Good luck! I'm sure you'll make whatever decision is best for you and T. At least you will know you tried. My H also thinks sex=everything is fine. But if he doesn't get it, he's pissy about everything. It's really annoying and makes me want to have sex with him less.
Post by xanthepants on Jul 2, 2015 13:52:01 GMT -5
We haven't done the actual deed in 2 months and it's been just fine. I don't know, no drive whatsoever. Eek.
Also - I hope that the daycare bday invites are just still sitting in their cubbies and at some point this summer the kids parents will eventually open them and feel bad. Because I refuse to believe that people are that lame that they won't RSVP or call when you see their kid every single day and they are little besties. come on - it's one little phone call.
origamimommy, I don't blame you for giving it one more shot. Then it will never be in your mind down the road for a what if. I hope it's what ends up kicking your H in gear. And +1 for the sex and guys thinking it's all better. I've known many Men that are like that.
I'm not sure what category this falls into, but while I completely agree with the article posted in Chat Stew about not lying on FB, I also don't want to be complaining about my life all the time on there either. I mean, what's the balance between sweet pictures and updates and complaining about my life? I guess no matter what, people will be offended/irritated by FB.
Isn't it kinda strange to know both life before social media and now--social media overload? I'll admit sometimes I take pictures to capture a moment because I want to post it on FB. Maybe this takes away from living and enjoying the moment a bit?
I don't know. I do like that our family and friends that aren't local can enjoy seeing the kids grow up. And really, that's about 95% of what I post.
I often wonder how our kids will feel about having their entire childhood chronicled online. FB, this forum (will they have access to it?). But really, they won't know any different.
We haven't done the actual deed in 2 months and it's been just fine. I don't know, no drive whatsoever. Eek.
Also - I hope that the daycare bday invites are just still sitting in their cubbies and at some point this summer the kids parents will eventually open them and feel bad. Because I refuse to believe that people are that lame that they won't RSVP or call when you see their kid every single day and they are little besties. come on - it's one little phone call.
xanthepants, that makes me so sad for you. They couldn't even RSVP? Seriously? What is wrong with people?
Sometimes I get these feelings of intense frustration and almost rage. I feel like everyone needs something from me and I just want 10 minutes by myself.
Here's an example. I'll have just put Dylan down for a nap, taken the dogs out, and bounced Paige to sleep. I do some chores because the house seems a mess to me. I'm about to do something for myself, maybe try to exercise for 10 minutes, when P wakes up crying when I'd been expecting her to sleep for much longer. While she is crying, I feel anger towards her. I have even cursed at her before (and I'm not a swearer!). I don't feel this way towards D, I think because he is so much more independent and can communicate with me. I don't feel this way often, just those moments when I think I'm getting a break and then I'm off to be mom again. I also have so much less patience for our dogs, often thinking they're in the way when really, they are just wanting attention. I'm ashamed of this little part of me.
I think having some designated me time would help me, but it seems there aren't enough hours in the day. I remember having similar feelings when D was a baby, but with time and as he has become more of a little person, they went away.
Can anyone else relate? I feel vulnerable sharing this.
Sometimes I get these feelings of intense frustration and almost rage. I feel like everyone needs something from me and I just want 10 minutes by myself.
Here's an example. I'll have just put Dylan down for a nap, taken the dogs out, and bounced Paige to sleep. I do some chores because the house seems a mess to me. I'm about to do something for myself, maybe try to exercise for 10 minutes, when P wakes up crying when I'd been expecting her to sleep for much longer. While she is crying, I feel anger towards her. I have even cursed at her before (and I'm not a swearer!). I don't feel this way towards D, I think because he is so much more independent and can communicate with me. I don't feel this way often, just those moments when I think I'm getting a break and then I'm off to be mom again. I also have so much less patience for our dogs, often thinking they're in the way when really, they are just wanting attention. I'm ashamed of this little part of me.
I think having some designated me time would help me, but it seems there aren't enough hours in the day. I remember having similar feelings when D was a baby, but with time and as he has become more of a little person, they went away.
Can anyone else relate? I feel vulnerable sharing this.
All of the time. I only have one kid right now but soon I'll have two. I rarely get any time to myself and it is tiring. MH is pretty needy too as far as attention so after I get done with bedtime and p is asleep I walk to the living room and H has our show picked out or wants to talk/have sex. I'm dreading the second kid because I know that will take away any down time I do have. I'm already feeling guilty about that and I hate myself. One benefit of the pregnancy is that I can't sleep past 4:00 so I've been using that as my alone time. Sad that I have to be sleep deprived to get any alone time but I guess I'm getting used to having no sleep. I try to remember that one day I will have too much alone time and miss my kids. Sorry if that got rambly but I understand. Not much advice since I deal with it all of the time. Hide in the bathroom, take a long shower?
mightybee,I feel that way often. I can tell when it's getting too much because I lose my patience faster than I'd like. I also still have vivd dreams or thoughts of nasty scenariosoften involving one of my kids dying.
Sometimes I get these feelings of intense frustration and almost rage. I feel like everyone needs something from me and I just want 10 minutes by myself.
Here's an example. I'll have just put Dylan down for a nap, taken the dogs out, and bounced Paige to sleep. I do some chores because the house seems a mess to me. I'm about to do something for myself, maybe try to exercise for 10 minutes, when P wakes up crying when I'd been expecting her to sleep for much longer. While she is crying, I feel anger towards her. I have even cursed at her before (and I'm not a swearer!). I don't feel this way towards D, I think because he is so much more independent and can communicate with me. I don't feel this way often, just those moments when I think I'm getting a break and then I'm off to be mom again. I also have so much less patience for our dogs, often thinking they're in the way when really, they are just wanting attention. I'm ashamed of this little part of me.
I think having some designated me time would help me, but it seems there aren't enough hours in the day. I remember having similar feelings when D was a baby, but with time and as he has become more of a little person, they went away.
Can anyone else relate? I feel vulnerable sharing this.
Yes, I can so relate to this. When I put Robin down for his nap in the afternoon the first thing I do is sit on the couch for at least 30 minutes, both because I'm huge and tired but also just to have an internal recharge. A lot of times our cat will try to sit on my lap and I'll push him away because I just need time without anything or anyone touching me.
I would get the same feelings as you when Robin was little and fussy because I would feel like he was stealing my time, especially if there was something I wanted to do while he was napping.
It's something H and I have had lots of talks about because he is so, so extroverted and I am the complete opposite. Now he understands much better that I need time alone to be able to function. Most nights after dinner he takes Robin and they play together for 30-60 minutes. I used to feel guilty that I wasn't engaging with them, that I was ignoring Robin somehow, but I've worked to let go of that feeling and remind myself that Robin needs dad time, and I'm a much better parent when I can take a break.
Sometimes I get these feelings of intense frustration and almost rage. I feel like everyone needs something from me and I just want 10 minutes by myself.
Here's an example. I'll have just put Dylan down for a nap, taken the dogs out, and bounced Paige to sleep. I do some chores because the house seems a mess to me. I'm about to do something for myself, maybe try to exercise for 10 minutes, when P wakes up crying when I'd been expecting her to sleep for much longer. While she is crying, I feel anger towards her. I have even cursed at her before (and I'm not a swearer!). I don't feel this way towards D, I think because he is so much more independent and can communicate with me. I don't feel this way often, just those moments when I think I'm getting a break and then I'm off to be mom again. I also have so much less patience for our dogs, often thinking they're in the way when really, they are just wanting attention. I'm ashamed of this little part of me.
I think having some designated me time would help me, but it seems there aren't enough hours in the day. I remember having similar feelings when D was a baby, but with time and as he has become more of a little person, they went away.
Can anyone else relate? I feel vulnerable sharing this.
Yes, yes, and oh so yes. It seems like there is always something and never any silence. We currently have 3 dogs. They're all over 10 years. I love them dearly and wouldn't trade them for anything (ok, maybe 1 of them). I am, however, going to only have 1 in the future once these have all passed away. It just gets to be too much.
Sometimes I get these feelings of intense frustration and almost rage. I feel like everyone needs something from me and I just want 10 minutes by myself.
Here's an example. I'll have just put Dylan down for a nap, taken the dogs out, and bounced Paige to sleep. I do some chores because the house seems a mess to me. I'm about to do something for myself, maybe try to exercise for 10 minutes, when P wakes up crying when I'd been expecting her to sleep for much longer. While she is crying, I feel anger towards her. I have even cursed at her before (and I'm not a swearer!). I don't feel this way towards D, I think because he is so much more independent and can communicate with me. I don't feel this way often, just those moments when I think I'm getting a break and then I'm off to be mom again. I also have so much less patience for our dogs, often thinking they're in the way when really, they are just wanting attention. I'm ashamed of this little part of me.
I think having some designated me time would help me, but it seems there aren't enough hours in the day. I remember having similar feelings when D was a baby, but with time and as he has become more of a little person, they went away.
Can anyone else relate? I feel vulnerable sharing this.
Yup my Lyfe! I posted something similar not that long ago. I can't post more as my clingy children are pulling on me!! Hang in there!
Post by xanthepants on Jul 2, 2015 15:08:20 GMT -5
Oh mightybee, Yes. I think we have all felt that way at some point or another. I have just started taking time and asking forgiveness later. I got back into my bookclub and H just has to deal. You know how much our struggle with sleep was, and it was all on my shoulders (and I thought I was doing it happily because I loved my girl) but at the end of the night I was CRABBY and angry and never had a moment to myself. When H started taking a portion of bedtime on, I veg for 20 minutes most nights. Not every night. Some nights his patience is short and I'd rather just do it myself. But most nights I get that time, and truly that is all I need. Perhaps if you swap and take the first 20 minutes of when you get them down instead of the last, that will guarantee you some peace instead.
Yes- like right now. My child is in time out. Sometimes I'm so frustrated bc he refuses to listen. I feel like I'm going to blow. I even say to him "I have to walk away from you right now" it's been better since school ended because I haven't been yelling all day, but it can still happen. H and I really discuss alone time and take it when we need it.
Post by cookiesandwine on Jul 2, 2015 16:42:30 GMT -5
mightybee, you're so not alone. If my H tells me I need a hobby one more time.... He's trying to be encouraging of me getting my own time which I appreciate, but the flip side is that I can't take one evening for dinner with my grandma without him texting me 120 times about what to eat, where is the pan I use for chicken nuggets, etc. Then I get home and it's like a tornado went through the house. It's less relaxing than if I just stayed home to begin with! Something that's helped me a ton lately is sending Sadie with H when he runs errands. He's been to his parents' house the last couple weekends borrowing tools from his dad and what not, so she rides along and I get 90+ minutes alone! Even just folding laundry while I watch whatever I want on TV without interruption is glorious.
Post by bantyrooster on Jul 2, 2015 16:49:51 GMT -5
mightybee I could have wrote that word for word. And at work I care for people. I feel like I am sick of being the one caring for everyone except myself. There are days I don't want to be a nurse anymore. And definitely days I just want to scream and hide in the closet. Especially with the 0 sleep I get. Hugs momma! I totally get it.
definitely not alone. I have a lot of patience for them until I don't, and then I NEED time to myself/away. Even if it is just 5 minutes. Thank god I usually don't reach that point when I'm alone with them and my husband knows the signs/takes over for a few minutes.
mightybee I could have wrote that word for word. And at work I care for people. I feel like I am sick of being the one caring for everyone except myself. There are days I don't want to be a nurse anymore. And definitely days I just want to scream and hide in the closet. Especially with the 0 sleep I get. Hugs momma! I totally get it.
Oh yeah, I feel the same way being the teacher. Some nights I would dread coming home because the thought of dealing with one my child--even my own--was just too much.
mightybee I could have wrote that word for word. And at work I care for people. I feel like I am sick of being the one caring for everyone except myself. There are days I don't want to be a nurse anymore. And definitely days I just want to scream and hide in the closet. Especially with the 0 sleep I get. Hugs momma! I totally get it.
Oh yeah, I feel the same way being the teacher. Some nights I would dread coming home because the thought of dealing with one my child--even my own--was just too much.
So true. Especially working with adult students with severe disabilities that are functioning at the level of my DS. All day every day at work is like dealing with my DS on a bad day, and it's exhausting when I get home. Some days I feel like I'm wishing my kids to get older and more independent, and that makes me feel like crap because I know how much I will miss these ages one day. Being a mom is hard if you are making an effort to do it right, if that makes sense. Hugs to you and feel free to vent here anytime.
Also, have you thought about talking to a counselor? Maybe it would be helpful if you are having a lot of guilt over feeling this way.
My FC - we drove overnight last night to get home from our vacation, and may have had some fun quickly in the car at a rest stop at 3 am because we were falling asleep and needed to wake ourselves up... While the kids were passed out in the back (both rear facing).
My FC - we drove overnight last night to get home from our vacation, and may have had some fun quickly in the car at a rest stop at 3 am because we were falling asleep and needed to wake ourselves up... While the kids were passed out in the back (both rear facing).
My FC - we drove overnight last night to get home from our vacation, and may have had some fun quickly in the car at a rest stop at 3 am because we were falling asleep and needed to wake ourselves up... While the kids were passed out in the back (both rear facing).
Hahaha...I like how you included this detail. Now if they were FF, I'd be side-eying you. JK :-)
1) I dislike fireworks. I'd rather sleep. They're not that fantastic and when people go on and on after 10pm, my inner Old Lady comes out. Why can't we celebrate without blowing shit up?
2) I have a friend who posts nothing but selfies all day. I mean, literally...its 8...9...10...selfies. Every. Day. Sometimes with her kids, sometimes with her Starbucks, sometimes with her husband. What kind of person takes THAT many photos of themselves and THEN POSTS THEM?!
Andplusalso, if I click her page, I'm not even seeing all the photos in my feed. There's even more on her page.
1) I dislike fireworks. I'd rather sleep. They're not that fantastic and when people go on and on after 10pm, my inner Old Lady comes out. Why can't we celebrate without blowing shit up?
2) I have a friend who posts nothing but selfies all day. I mean, literally...its 8...9...10...selfies. Every. Day. Sometimes with her kids, sometimes with her Starbucks, sometimes with her husband. What kind of person takes THAT many photos of themselves and THEN POSTS THEM?!
Andplusalso, if I click her page, I'm not even seeing all the photos in my feed. There's even more on her page.
Holy crap. I have like 3 selfies total on my phone
Also, I saw your picture on fb of a paisley shirt and the first thing I thought was it would be perfect for Harry Styles but I didn't want to out myself as 1d af.
Thanks for the support and shared feelings. There is comfort in knowing that you're not alone in these kind of moments.
tribute17 I remind myself of the same thing. I know that one day Dylan will no longer want to literally watch me go poop and I will be OK with that. Haha. The constant neediness can feel overwhelming at times, but it really is fleeting when you look at the big picture.
Woohoo for book club xanthepants! That sounds fun! I do think having a more regular "me time" activity would help me have something to look forward to. Right now, I only regularly do grocery shopping on the weekends alone. While it's better than doing it with kids, it's not my ideal way to spend me time. Honestly, I would love if H took both kids somewhere for a few hours so that I could deep clean/organize the house. That is therapy to me!
heatherbee I don't think I feel like I want to seek counseling at this time, but I will definitely pay close attention to my feelings of frustration/guilt to see if they intensify. I think it would be helpful for me to share these frustrations with my H because he is really good about making me take time alone, even when I'm reluctant to do it.
1) I dislike fireworks. I'd rather sleep. They're not that fantastic and when people go on and on after 10pm, my inner Old Lady comes out. Why can't we celebrate without blowing shit up?
2) I have a friend who posts nothing but selfies all day. I mean, literally...its 8...9...10...selfies. Every. Day. Sometimes with her kids, sometimes with her Starbucks, sometimes with her husband. What kind of person takes THAT many photos of themselves and THEN POSTS THEM?!
Andplusalso, if I click her page, I'm not even seeing all the photos in my feed. There's even more on her page.
Holy crap. I have like 3 selfies total on my phone
Also, I saw your picture on fb of a paisley shirt and the first thing I thought was it would be perfect for Harry Styles but I didn't want to out myself as 1d af.
I'd have to google him to remember what he looks like Edit: I have a bunch of selfies with my kid from today, because she wanted to take "funny face pictures". She's in the "I hate mommy" zone lately so I didn't say no! Before than, I have a photo of me and my haircut from before xmas. I don't know how this chick does it!
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