Mini rant about H. He is off today so when DD went down for a nap I did a few things and then told him he was on baby duty so I can take a shower. Well she woke up and he picked her up and brought her into the bathroom to let me know she was awake. Then continued to keep her in the room where she was fussy while I am getting ready. He just doesn't get that the 15 minutes of showering and getting ready child free is such a break. I can listen to her fuss at me any day I want.
He is such a good dad and I know that he would like me to keep her around if the roles were reversed but ugh.
Haha this made me laugh because my dh does it too and I thought I was alone! In the beginning he went through a phase where he was convinced she just wanted me and would walk outside the bathroom telling the baby how mommy takes forever and telling me to hurry up. Or he would sit on the couch, not even trying to calm her, insisting that only I could do it. He stopped that after I completely flipped out at him, but he still brings her into bed on my mornings to sleep in which drives me insane. Dude, let me sleep! If I wanted to play with her I would get out of bed.
Post by FlutterOfYoshis on Jul 10, 2015 8:47:15 GMT -5
Ok here comes a vent. TLDR: my mom drives me insane and I pray every day that I never put DD through this kind of relationship ever.
I have quite a complex about my mom. The kind of annoying things that seem to typically come from mothers-in-law seem to instead come from my own mom and it really gets to me. I'm so tired of hearing the excuses of "oh it's her first grandchild" and "she just loves you and this is how she shows it" or "maybe if you kept in touch more often then it wouldn't bother you that she tried to contact you so often because it'd be normal"...etc. These are not good excuses.
Talking to my mom is annoying because she asks a million questions and does not actually listen for the answers. If she hears an answer she doesn't like, she tries to guilt me some way into changing it (latest example: I told her the next time we're free for a visit is beginning of August. She said that's too far away and has been calling/texting me ever since about having them over for our anniversary this weekend. She's nope being ignored. Nope nope.). Being with my mom in person gives me legit anxiety because it's more of the same, except when she doesn't like something she DOES something to change it. After every visit, I need a long recovery time for my mental health, to calm DD back down from being overstimulated, and to find everything she displaced while "cleaning". For her, after every visit, she needs another dose the next hour after she's left.
DH has had to step in before. It hasn't helped. I've tried various methods suggested by my therapist. They didn't work. I've been brutally honest in hopes she'd wake up to the reality of the situation. It hurts her, works for maybe a week, then it's back to the usual. I'm doing my best to be better for my own daughter because I'm dreading that one day she could feel this way about me. I hope that day never comes.
FlutterOfYoshis I'm sorry that's the relationship you have with your mom. I'm sorry being honest with her and other coping methods haven't worked. I have full confidence you'll be better for your little girl because you realize the alternative.
FlutterOfYoshis I'm sorry that's the relationship you have with your mom. I'm sorry being honest with her and other coping methods haven't worked. I have full confidence you'll be better for your little girl because you realize the alternative.
Thanks for the vote of confidence. Holy crap I'm sorry that post is so absurdly long!
FlutterOfYoshis that absolutely sucks. I hate not being heard by others and can't imagine if it was my own mom. Hugs!
I have had an awesome immune system since pregnancy. I haven't gotten sick once other than morning sickness and then recovering from my c section, neither of which were actual "sicknesses." My husband on the other hand seems to be constantly sick. Some are legitimate and others I'm just like, wtf dude, come on. So last night I ask him what does it feel like with strep throat because my throat feels swollen and hurts to swallow. I go to bed and then when he comes a few hours later suddenly he says he started feeling a sore throat coming on too. Seriously dude? I mention something and now you suddenly have it? I can't catch a break!
Post by jensoprano82 on Jul 10, 2015 9:18:10 GMT -5
DH is an EXCELLENT father, but yesterday I woke up from a very poor nights sleep early because DS was pooping loudly. Scooped him up and walked out of the room a total zombie mess. Cleaned up DS and realized immediately that even though he usually sleeps an hour or so later, the kid was wiiiiide awake. I breeze back through my room because I'm clearly up for the day and want my phone and realize DH was awake and noodling on his phone. He goes "oh sorry, I would have taken him but I didn't think he was done pooping".
Really dude?? You were awake the whole time and let me get up and get him even though you know I'm miserably tired??? You were AWAKE?
Post by WittyLittle on Jul 10, 2015 9:36:14 GMT -5
Oh my goodness +1 for DH following me around with DS when he's on baby duty. And waking me up in the middle of the night with stupid questions he should really answer for himself. Or he'll stand in my way with DS... like in front of the sink when I need to go do makeup. Or in the kitchen when I'm trying to cook dinner. AND also copy cats me the very few times I ever get sick ( missys). RARGH! Luckily he has lots of amazing qualities to make up for it but it's a thin line for sure
Thanks for the vote of confidence. Holy crap I'm sorry that post is so absurdly long!
I have a different relationship with my mother, but mine is general annoyance and extreme frustration. I also fear that my daughters will feel the same way about me. But since we're so aware of it,we won't turn into them, right??!!
FX that's the case! DH has promised to be on the lookout for me too, just in case.
Post by FlutterOfYoshis on Jul 10, 2015 9:45:29 GMT -5
missys It seems the power of suggestion is strong with your husband. Maybe you should suggest things to him like getting ice cream for your sore throat too ;-)
missys It seems the power of suggestion is strong with your husband. Maybe you should suggest things to him like getting ice cream for your sore throat too ;-)
Oooooh yes! Consider it a social experiment!!! Great idea!
Post by cloe111479 on Jul 10, 2015 10:44:18 GMT -5
Mines a flame free one
Two of the last three nights I have had DH give dd her last bottle, brought her in her room, read a book or two and put her down for the night. She talks like 3-5 mins to herself and then she is out for the night. (The 2nd night we cried and mama soothed her and she went right to sleep) no sleep training needed.
I keep telling DH "you do realize our second is going to be hell since she is SO good"
I really was doing it as an experiment and well, it works.
Post by lilyelayne on Jul 10, 2015 10:47:17 GMT -5
FFFC: I would be a full blown attachment parent if DS weren't so independent. Sometimes I get sad that he needs so much of his own space, but I try to remind myself that I need to do what's best for him not what's best for me.
Two of the last three nights I have had DH give dd her last bottle, brought her in her room, read a book or two and put her down for the night. She talks like 3-5 mins to herself and then she is out for the night. (The 2nd night we cried and mama soothed her and she went right to sleep) no sleep training needed.
I keep telling DH "you do realize our second is going to be hell since she is SO good"
I really was doing it as an experiment and well, it works.
Our first was amazing. Always a good sleeper, etc. I was terrified that DS would be awful. While he's been harder, it's not nearly as bad as it could be. He doesn't (usually) have much problem going to sleep himself at bedtime.
Post by mrsclark731 on Jul 10, 2015 11:17:55 GMT -5
Vent--
Around 3 months old DD became very uninterested in my breast after being a rockstar breast feeder (even after a 2 day NICU stay). I tried EVERYTHING. It was so upsetting. I spent three days crying and feeling like a failure before H snapped me out of it. My mom's comments didn't help either.
I began pumping and adding what BM I could to bottles for her. This week I finally decided to stop pumping...my supply really took a hit (despite ALL my efforts) and pumping for 20+ minutes a day multiple times a day, while trying to still care for DD was not worth it for the 1-2 ounces I could get. Three days later, today, I got my period. Damn!!! At least I'm not pregnant?
Post by lilyelayne on Jul 10, 2015 12:23:14 GMT -5
I just pulled all 17 pairs of shoes out of the bottom of DH's closet. I'm lining them up down the hallway so he can pick which ones he's keeping. (These do not count the shoes he actually wears, scattered throughout the house.) He doesn't get to keep 17 pairs of shoes when he only wears 6 at most.
This is a fffc because I have around 40 pairs of shoes. All but flip flops & sneakers are in their shoe boxes sorted by season & occasion. I love shoes. My precioussssss.
Post by lilyelayne on Jul 10, 2015 14:28:48 GMT -5
Vent:
I wish someone had warned me that I would be starving all the time because of nursing. I knew pregnancy meant hungry all the time. I was prepared for that. I knew BF burns extra calories, so maybe you need a bit more. Okay. But this ALL THE TIME hungry, y'all, I just have to say, this anorexic girl is struggling, struggling hard. Sometimes I have to look at my baby to eat. He helps me remember I'm doing the right thing. I just want to not be hungry anymore. Even just for a little while.
I wish someone had warned me that I would be starving all the time because of nursing. I knew pregnancy meant hungry all the time. I was prepared for that. I knew BF burns extra calories, so maybe you need a bit more. Okay. But this ALL THE TIME hungry, y'all, I just have to say, this anorexic girl is struggling, struggling hard. Sometimes I have to look at my baby to eat. He helps me remember I'm doing the right thing. I just want to not be hungry anymore. Even just for a little while.
Thanks.
As someone whose milk never came in, I cant relate but I am so sorry. That sounds just awful. Hugs!
mumomma13 painting your nails takes practice practice practice. I assume there are YouTube videos too. I assume there are YouTube videos for just about everything. How's your mom feeling?
fffc: This is sappy. I don't mind waking up 1-2x a night to feed and rock R. I love holding him and looking at his sleeping face. I think I would actually be a little sad (secretly?) if he started STTN right now.
another fffc: I had a speech impediment at a little kid. I had to go to speech therapy. I got made fun of and all that. I didn't even think about that when I named LO and now I'm legit worried he'll introduce himself on the first day of kindergarten like this: "Hi, I'm Wussell. You can call me Wuss." Oops.
Around 3 months old DD became very uninterested in my breast after being a rockstar breast feeder (even after a 2 day NICU stay). I tried EVERYTHING. It was so upsetting. I spent three days crying and feeling like a failure before H snapped me out of it. My mom's comments didn't help either.
I began pumping and adding what BM I could to bottles for her. This week I finally decided to stop pumping...my supply really took a hit (despite ALL my efforts) and pumping for 20+ minutes a day multiple times a day, while trying to still care for DD was not worth it for the 1-2 ounces I could get. Three days later, today, I got my period. Damn!!! At least I'm not pregnant?
mrsclark731 I completely understand. I EBF for the first two months and then had to intro formula because of work and anxiety. The day before I went back to work O refused to nurse and wanted a bottle so I pumped and supplemented. His tummy was having trouble going back and forth from formula to BM so I have a pretty good stash in the freezer that it now seems won't be used. You are awesome and doing a fantastic job! A is so beautiful and her percentiles are off the chart! Amazing mommy!!
FFFC- although I'm a teacher on break O goes to the babysitter's twice a week. He gets to hang with another little boy and watch what a one year old does and is thoroughly entertained while not losing contact with my friend who will have him 5 days a week starting in August. Plus, I have me time. I feel super guilty about this but for my mental health I need the time...
I wish someone had warned me that I would be starving all the time because of nursing. I knew pregnancy meant hungry all the time. I was prepared for that. I knew BF burns extra calories, so maybe you need a bit more. Okay. But this ALL THE TIME hungry, y'all, I just have to say, this anorexic girl is struggling, struggling hard. Sometimes I have to look at my baby to eat. He helps me remember I'm doing the right thing. I just want to not be hungry anymore. Even just for a little while.
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