I adore my MIL, fortunately, but I still have plenty of issues with her. The hardest one for me is that anything I say in conversation with her, sometimes the most throw away comment, will be remembered and repeated to other family members and her friends. Often with her added commentary. Then she'll even come back to me and tell me that she told X person I said Y and that they said Z and blah blah blah. Sometimes they are really personal things. Other times it's clear judginess or overstepped boundaries when it comes to how I live my life. Sometimes it's just completely random stuff that I don't even remember saying!
Also, she tells me her thoughts about how my SILs raise their children and keep their homes. I'm under no delusion that I'm the only one exempt from such scrutiny. I do my best not to engage her with that. I don't want to gossip about family, and I think they are all doing awesome in the way that works for them. (Which I have said).
Hardest of all, it all really does come from a place of the deepest love and caring.
Anyway, I've learned not to confide in her, which is a real shame.
toadandbuggie it sounds like we have the same exact mom! I purposely didn't tell her I was pregnant right away because I knew she would tell everyone. We have some serious trust issues and she seems to live on another planet. She thinks we are bffs and gets so offended when I don't confide in her. I keep her at arms length.
SO much this, omg. I finally had the guts to tell her off about accumulated baby-related things via an email recently and the next time she came to visit, she was like "Were you mad at me when you sent that email? Did you know it would hurt?" If old vs young souls are a thing, I'd swear my mom has the soul of a middle schooler.
Eta: The "bff" thing is the problem since she assumes she can do what she wants when visiting DD. The email was to more firmly establish boundaries (again).
FlutterOfYoshis I also sent an email to my mom regarding some issues I was having with her (long story) after all attempts at rational conversation failed. Never again! She wrote me back, no joke, an 11 paragraph email of all these things I had apparently done over the years. Also has the mentality of a middle schooler. Moms can be so tough! I wish I had the type of mom to have a BFF relationship with. My sil is bffs with mil and sometimes I struggle with jealousy.
I adore my MIL, fortunately, but I still have plenty of issues with her. The hardest one for me is that anything I say in conversation with her, sometimes the most throw away comment, will be remembered and repeated to other family members and her friends. Often with her added commentary. Then she'll even come back to me and tell me that she told X person I said Y and that they said Z and blah blah blah. Sometimes they are really personal things. Other times it's clear judginess or overstepped boundaries when it comes to how I live my life. Sometimes it's just completely random stuff that I don't even remember saying!
Also, she tells me her thoughts about how my SILs raise their children and keep their homes. I'm under no delusion that I'm the only one exempt from such scrutiny. I do my best not to engage her with that. I don't want to gossip about family, and I think they are all doing awesome in the way that works for them. (Which I have said).
Hardest of all, it all really does come from a place of the deepest love and caring.
Anyway, I've learned not to confide in her, which is a real shame.
^^^^. I could just repeat all you said. Dh is the middle child and only boy. I think she is much harder on the girls and always talks about the girls with me as she would dh.
I have also learned to watch what and I how I say things bc they will get repeated.
I have found a good balance of letting her in on things that seems huge but really aren't. Also, I have found common ground for her and I in half marathons etc. any of that discussion is things I don't care what people hear or say so it is a good topic for us. (I also stay more aware of her race schedule so it seems like I care more than I do when I check in on how she did, how was the race rtc?)
Eh. My MIL isn't bad, but it's obvious that DH is the least of all the kids and SIL and nephew are the darlings. DH is third of 4 and the third boy. The hardest for me is that everything is about SIL. I'll share that G started doing something and the first thing out of her mouth is 'nephew's been doing that since x'. And it's been like that since SIL announced last Easter (DH and I were visiting and were treated like chopped liver for the rest of the visit and after I got pregnant, all conversations went back to SIL within 10 seconds).
But DH reminds me that his mom is awful for self confidence and she says good things to him; so I will own being hypersensitive.
My MIL is a jerk and often says things that make you want to punch her... So I did. I'm not proud of it, but I haven't had too many problems out of her since. Matter fact, she doesn't even come around anymore. SorryNotSorry
My MIL is a jerk and often says things that make you want to punch her... So I did. I'm not proud of it, but I haven't had too many problems out of her since. Matter fact, she doesn't even come around anymore. SorryNotSorry
My MIL is a jerk and often says things that make you want to punch her... So I did. I'm not proud of it, but I haven't had too many problems out of her since. Matter fact, she doesn't even come around anymore. SorryNotSorry
I recall some of your stories from the bump...just crazy.
Has your MIL met LO or was the failing out while you were pregnant?
My MIL is a jerk and often says things that make you want to punch her... So I did. I'm not proud of it, but I haven't had too many problems out of her since. Matter fact, she doesn't even come around anymore. SorryNotSorry
My MIL is a jerk and often says things that make you want to punch her... So I did. I'm not proud of it, but I haven't had too many problems out of her since. Matter fact, she doesn't even come around anymore. SorryNotSorry
I recall some of your stories from the bump...just crazy.
Has your MIL met LO or was the failing out while you were pregnant?
She has seen him 2x total. It hurts DH a lot that she is being so nonchalant about her only grand.
psychobutthead, you MIL sounds like a biatch anyway you cut it. I don't know how you manage to not bitch slap her anytime she opens her mouth. My MIL is annoying as hell but thankfully I don't see her more than once a year.
Are you guys going to participate in this separate Christmas again this year? Is boycotting an option?
I refuse to spend anymore holidays with my children miserable. I have told she exactly that and that I will be spending holidays I my own home with my kids and I won't be spending g my holidays alone by allowing the kids to leave. He can leave and go see his parents but we won't.
dh is on board with my choice and his only concern was that I would be cooking our own thanksgiving. I told him I would and would cook all his favorites as long as it meant he watched the kids.
I am also not letting my kids go to family birthday parties that I'm not allowed to attend and that dh is t allowed to attend.
And if his parents want to spend time with our kids on Christmas ten they can come visit them at our ow home. I won't be getting everyone up and rushed through Christmas at our house to get ready and make it on time to his parents anymore. It just really hurts to see how upset dh gets over the exclusion.
I'm sure we won't be hearing from her anytime soon unless they. Want something or my fil makes her go out of her way to be nice to us since we are goin around.
PikoPiko your MIL sounds like a real gem. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all that.
+1. She sounds very confrontational/ antagonistic. Also, to me, she seems like the kind of person who plays innocent and pretends not to realize that she's being mean so she can keep doing it.
One time I said to my mom, in a joking way (but still serious).... Well it's my baby and I'm doing it this way. If you want to do X then you should have another.
One time I said to my mom, in a joking way (but still serious).... Well it's my baby and I'm doing it this way. If you want to do X then you should have another.
My DH actually said something along those lines to his mom once. It may have been my favorite thing ever.
Dear Lord. I don't have issues with my mother or father at all. They know to zip or or get a throat punch. My MIL has specific instructions from DH to not communicate with me directly, ever. This is in part due to the fact that before our wedding she had the nerve to talk about DHs prior wedding to the wart hog and how it was at a country club and how she had two dresses and blah, blah, blah. It really pissed me off. So inappropriate. She was pretty much cut out of anything personal after that. Really lady?
I told DH I'll pass him the proceedings and throw in $20 myself if he does it. He turned me down flat. Spoiled sport.
This morning DH and I both woke up with a sore throat. DH told me he heard MIL coughing this morning. He asked her if she's sick, she hesitated, he asked her a few more times and she finally admitted she has a sore throat since she arrived. Now DH is pissed at her for not telling us, she's infected both of us and maybe LO too. DH told her to wear a mask if she wishes to spend time with the baby, she said no. I've never seen DH this mad before. He pretty much just told her off for being selfish and not having the best interest for LO. I'm working from home today, was totally grinning at my computer screen while this all went down.
PikoPiko you must be fuming even more now. Ugh. I can't believe she hid that she was sick from you and DH. that is extremely inconsiderate.
This is my biggest pet peeve too. Especially at my office, granted we have over 100+ on my floor. One day someone will start coughing and the next day it multiplies to 5 people and keeps going. If you are contagious stay home. I have enough Lysol and hand sanitizer at my desk to last me three years.
MIL: your dishes and silverware are too heavy, you need to use paper plates like me. Set table with magazines so you can just throw away when done. I am so smart. I designed this method to save time, no need to clean anything.
Me: and this is how DH and I live, with real furniture, real plates and silverware, real table cloths.
MIL: waste so much time to clean, you're so stupid.
I cracked. On her final night here.
Me: But at least I got class.
MIL: I'm high class, just ask blah blah blah
I walked away at that point. Not worth it. She wins. I don't need to have the last word when dealing with cray cray. I told DH she's never to be invited here again and over my dead body that she ever gets alone time with my baby.
MIL: your dishes and silverware are too heavy, you need to use paper plates like me. Set table with magazines so you can just throw away when done. I am so smart. I designed this method to save time, no need to clean anything.
Me: and this is how DH and I live, with real furniture, real plates and silverware, real table cloths.
MIL: waste so much time to clean, you're so stupid.
I cracked. On her final night here.
Me: But at least I got class.
MIL: I'm high class, just ask blah blah blah
I walked away at that point. Not worth it. She wins. I don't need to have the last word when dealing with cray cray. I told DH she's never to be invited here again and over my dead body that she ever gets alone time with my baby.
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