Hi ladies...could use some advice
Oct 1, 2015 20:16:47 GMT -5
Post by bonzo2012 on Oct 1, 2015 20:16:47 GMT -5
msugirl, I get it for sure, it's much 'easier' in a lot of ways to be raised with the dominant religion, particularly if his family is bigger than yours.
Basically the issue we run into is that since it's my religion and I'm the one who pushed for this, it's become entirely my responsibility to keep up on it. If we want to light candles for holidays, that's fine, but it's not like my husband will remember to buy them or light them. He'll listen to anything I do, but he's not going to sing along or join in on anything. (Saying this in a loving way, he's a wonderful man, but an atheist Catholic isn't going to be enthusiastic about praying in Hebrew!).
So I guess what I'm saying is that if you're willing to 'fight' for a Jewish child, you will probably end up with the responsibility of creating a Jewish household, particularly if you're already arguing about it.
That said, we have a Jewish child and we celebrate Christmas (in the presents / tree way) and I don't have any conflicts about that. I draw the line at Santa, but the rest is fair game so she'll get all the fun of the holidays plus added fun of Chanukah, etc. I don't think most kids are going to sit around talking about religion when they're little, so it's not like he'll miss out on any huge philosophical debates with his cousins - they'll all run around hyped up on sugar together no matter what religion he is, y'know?
We actually won't be celebrating any Christian holidays in our home, but I have no qualms about her celebrating those holidays at relatives' houses.
When we still lived near both sets of parents, we would go to my IL's house for Christmas and Easter but we didn't celebrate the Christian holidays at home. I make an exception for certain kinds of Christmas decor, since over the years it's become clear that the festive house and the family time are what DH cares about for Christmas. So, since Chanukah is the Festival of Lights, we put up blue lights outside in addition to our electric menorah in the window. We also have a tabletop silver ornament hanger thing to display a few sentimental ornaments, but we don't plan to ever get a full tree.
It takes a lot of repetition with my ILs to get them to understand what we do. They're supportive of our choice, but since they grew up in a Christian bubble, they don't really "get" everything. Especially now that we don't live near them, so Christmas is spent eating Chinese food and watching Doctor Who instead of doing anything "Christmasy."
Also, our approach to the holidays and how we handle the religion question didn't just happen overnight. It's been evolving since we first moved in together, even before we were engaged!