Anatomy Scans/GTKY

[Flair Underwood]

graciest719 , I was falling in love with the idea of having "my girls" too.

Thank you, mladerri , sandandsea and @twobananas . Bananas - you hit it on the head. I've never enjoyed little boys, so it's so hard for me to wrap my head around how I will feel about my own. I know it'll be okay... I am really starting to panic though about selling all of the pink stuff and how to start finding CUTE boy things. (i don't want clothes with trucks and baseballs on them!).

[nitecheese]

Jan 26, 2016 9:11:10 GMT -5 Flair Underwood said:

graciest719 , I was falling in love with the idea of having "my girls" too.

Thank you, mladerri , sandandsea and @twobananas . Bananas - you hit it on the head. I've never enjoyed little boys, so it's so hard for me to wrap my head around how I will feel about my own. I know it'll be okay... I am really starting to panic though about selling all of the pink stuff and how to start finding CUTE boy things. (i don't want clothes with trucks and baseballs on them!).

No worries about finding cute boy stuff. A lot of the GN clothes are adorable. We liked a lot of stripes and animals for DS. Excuse the aw below, but this was one of my favorite outfits of his.

[Flair Underwood]

That is a cute baby, nitecheese!

[graciest719]

Flair Underwood I'm not selling my pink stuff! I found a lady on etsy who will take your baby clothes and make a quilt. Such a great way to preserve those memories!

[nitecheese]

Flair Underwood, thank you! We think he's a pretty cute dude - even at two when everything is, "No, mama." and "Mama, no seep. I want pay". We're working on our "l" sound.

[twobananas]

Flair Underwood, look at H&M, mini boden and tucker + tate for adorable boy clothes.

[sandandsea]

Old Navy, Osh Kosh, and Childrens Place have really cute boys things too. We do lots of stripes and fun colors. Of course, now that he's 4, he wants the trucks/characters/sports so I have less control over the cuteness of the outfits!

[frecklesnbrains]

I've been having fun looking at boy clothes! Thanks to some lovely ladies here who pointed out how much fun it could be. I've actually seen very little with trucks and baseballs on it. The nice thing about the newborn period is that there are so many gender-neutral things out there. Those are actually the clothes I like best. Green, yellow, brown, gray - I love them all! And then when they get older there are all the "little men" clothes, like mini button-down shirts, jeans, and hoodies. Soooo cute!

That being said, my MIL sent a box full of baby boy clothes that are nearly ALL sports-related (covered in bats and balls, mini football jerseys, etc). It's ironic because my DH (her son) actively DISLIKES all sports and I'm no better. I've been joking that this boy will grow up to be a jock and DH and I will have NO clue how to parent him. But if genes predict temperament he's more likely to be a bookish nerd.

[cattuccino]

Flair Underwood and graciest719 I can relate to both of you and having the idea of your girls and a perfect girl name picked out - I was the same.

We've known were having a boy for 3 weeks now and I'm in a completely different head space. I'm super excited about nursery ideas and finally a name is just growing and i love it more every day. So give yourselves some time to really process. I never thought I'd feel how I did as growing up I always wanted "one of each".
I'm also really nervous honestly because I have a horrible relationship with one of my brothers, so that weighs on my mind a lot - but I just need to remind myself genitalia means nothing in terms of sibling relationships and sisters and brothers don't necessarily have a better relationship.

It's a lot to process. I also like to think I've figured this little girl thing out (probably delusional thinking).

My DH pointed out to me that babies are babies and they're probably not going to be as different as I think/worry about.
He said maybe we should get some peepee teepees, but otherwise we're probably okay haha.

Hugs to you, and everyone with all the emotions. It's hard.

[manybellsdown]

When are you due? June 12

If you found out, what are you having? I will update this later! The tech wrote down the sex, and it's in an envelope for us to open at dinner tonight. DH and I each bring our name lists and open it together. And the food will be so good.

What's your name strategy? Do you have a name set in stone? Taking a couple to the hospital? Not ready to pick yet? We took a couple to the hospital last time, and I'd be surprised if we didn't again. I'm having a hard time finding ones I love, and then we have to agree.

Any AWs/comments/questions? They said the baby is great. I am so happy. Thank you all so much for your support in the randoms thread. My heart swelled.

Share a U/S picture if you please. We got some photos, but it's not exactly clear to me what I'm looking at.

[nitecheese]

Jan 26, 2016 13:14:51 GMT -5 manybellsdown said:

If you found out, what are you having? I will update this later! The tech wrote down the sex, and it's in an envelope for us to open at dinner tonight. DH and I each bring our name lists and open it together. And the food will be so good.


I AM STILL STUCK IN A BOX


That is such a great idea!  I am hoping I can get DH on board with that for Wednesday. Maybe my ILs will watch DS so we can do something similar. 

[nitecheese]

Jan 26, 2016 12:46:25 GMT -5 cattuccino said:

He said maybe we should get some peepee teepees, but otherwise we're probably okay haha.

Ours became cat toys (the unused ones). Don't waste your money.

[manybellsdown]

Jan 26, 2016 13:34:11 GMT -5 nitecheese said:

Jan 26, 2016 13:14:51 GMT -5 manybellsdown said:

If you found out, what are you having? I will update this later! The tech wrote down the sex, and it's in an envelope for us to open at dinner tonight. DH and I each bring our name lists and open it together. And the food will be so good.


I AM STILL STUCK IN A BOX


That is such a great idea!  I am hoping I can get DH on board with that for Wednesday. Maybe my ILs will watch DS so we can do something similar. 

Yes! Do it! I'm a fan. It was fun last time, at least. We are going to the same fancy restaurant and calling it "tradition." Either way, it's actually been quite some time since we've been on a date, so it's a great excuse. MIL is watching DD here too.

[sandandsea]

Jan 26, 2016 13:38:36 GMT -5 nitecheese said:

Jan 26, 2016 12:46:25 GMT -5 cattuccino said:

He said maybe we should get some peepee teepees, but otherwise we're probably okay haha.

Ours became cat toys (the unused ones). Don't waste your money.

We actually got these paper towel things that worked much better.  And absorbed everything when it got sprayed.  DH used them a lot whereas I just went fast and used the diaper!  We still have hundreds of them left and will use them again.


www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0022077CK?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s00

[soultrane]

Jan 26, 2016 13:44:37 GMT -5 sandandsea said:

Jan 26, 2016 13:38:36 GMT -5 nitecheese said:

Ours became cat toys (the unused ones). Don't waste your money.

We actually got these paper towel things that worked much better.  And absorbed everything when it got sprayed.  DH used them a lot whereas I just went fast and used the diaper!  We still have hundreds of them left and will use them again.


www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0022077CK?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s00

We just used baby wash cloths. We had a ton and they covered what they needed to cover. 

The time he projectile pooped on the wall was a different story, but I'll save that tale for another day... 

[soultrane]

Yay! I can finally post my own a/s answers here!!

1) When are you due?
June 14th

2) If you found out, what are you having?
A boy!!

3) If you found out, did you have any sex disappointment? (This is a "safe space" it's totally normal to feel a range of emotions when it comes to joining a team)
No! I'm excited to have two boys. I've had a feeling it was a boy all along, so I'm not surprised, and I'm really looking forward to DS having a little brother. My only disappointment is that since this is 99.9% likely to be our last child, I won't get to use my girl name which I love.

4) What's your name strategy? Do you have a name set in stone? Taking a couple to the hospital? Not ready to pick yet?
We have a front-runner (Calvin) and have a few others we've tossed around. Now that we know for sure, we'll talk more about names but we'll still probably end up taking a few options to the hospital and trying them on for size first once he's born.

5) Any AWs/comments/questions?
I'm just so relieved that everything looked good today.

[microworm]

Jan 25, 2016 20:15:44 GMT -5 Flair Underwood said:

1) When are you due? June 12

2) If you found out, what are you having? A boy (what is it with J16 and boys?!!)

3) If you found out, did you have any sex disappointment? I'm not sure... I think yes. I know I'm already feeling emotional about getting rid of all of DD's clothes/shoes/everything we've kept. I was also ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE with the girl name we had picked out (Evangeline Claire)... and I can't find a single boys name I love.

Also - if we're being honest: I'm not sure I know how to emotionally handle a boy. For example - with DD, when she's clingy or crazy about her stuffed animals or ridiculously emotional I am fine with it because she's a girl. When she says little darling things, I think it's so cute because she's SO GIRLY. If all of these attributes were on a little boy, I'm worried I'll be like - grossed out. I don't know. Will i feel like, "You are a boy. Boys don't act like that. Stop it."

Also - If my daughter wants to be Batman, i'm 1000% cool with that. if my boy tells me he wants to be Elsa - I'm gonna have to have some honest discussions with myself.

that's a lot of feelings. I'm not sure how I feel yet. Gimme 24 hours to adjust.

4) What's your name strategy? I have no idea. We have some "maybes" but nothing I really love. I'm pretty crushed about our girl name TBH.

I realize you are processing your feelings. I was there too. I had some disappointment when I found out I'm having another boy. Mostly just bummed because I won't ever have a daughter and I always thought I would.

Everyone else is focusing on cute boy clothes but as a mother of a boy, some of your comments kind of rubbed me the wrong way, TBH. I think part of it is maybe you just haven't been around little boys, and I get that. But to say that you might not afford your son the same amount of understanding that you would your daughter is kind of shitty (re. Batman/Elsa). You will find that your son will act emotional and clingy and might just love stuffed animals. I don't see any of that as "girly" and I hope that you won't berate him for that, as you mentioned you think you might. He will be a baby/toddler/young boy who wants his mama or dada or stuffed animal and that is OK.  When it comes down to it, there is no difference between baby boys and girls. My son will be 2 in May and I still don't think raising him is any different than raising a girl, at this point. I think once your little boy is here, you will realize that.

Again, I realize you wrote this when you were processing your very new emotions so you may have already moved past those thoughts. Gender disappointment is one thing but this seems more about your fundamental views on what a boy should be and I guarantee you that they are not all trucks and sports for a very long time. My DS is super affectionate and maybe a little clingy but I wouldn't have it any other way!

[soultrane]

Jan 26, 2016 14:42:16 GMT -5 microworm said:

Jan 25, 2016 20:15:44 GMT -5 Flair Underwood said:

1) When are you due? June 12

2) If you found out, what are you having? A boy (what is it with J16 and boys?!!)

3) If you found out, did you have any sex disappointment? I'm not sure... I think yes. I know I'm already feeling emotional about getting rid of all of DD's clothes/shoes/everything we've kept. I was also ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE with the girl name we had picked out (Evangeline Claire)... and I can't find a single boys name I love.

Also - if we're being honest: I'm not sure I know how to emotionally handle a boy. For example - with DD, when she's clingy or crazy about her stuffed animals or ridiculously emotional I am fine with it because she's a girl. When she says little darling things, I think it's so cute because she's SO GIRLY. If all of these attributes were on a little boy, I'm worried I'll be like - grossed out. I don't know. Will i feel like, "You are a boy. Boys don't act like that. Stop it."

Also - If my daughter wants to be Batman, i'm 1000% cool with that. if my boy tells me he wants to be Elsa - I'm gonna have to have some honest discussions with myself.

that's a lot of feelings. I'm not sure how I feel yet. Gimme 24 hours to adjust.

4) What's your name strategy? I have no idea. We have some "maybes" but nothing I really love. I'm pretty crushed about our girl name TBH.

I realize you are processing your feelings. I was there too. I had some disappointment when I found out I'm having another boy. Mostly just bummed because I won't ever have a daughter and I always thought I would.

Everyone else is focusing on cute boy clothes but as a mother of a boy, some of your comments kind of rubbed me the wrong way, TBH. I think part of it is maybe you just haven't been around little boys, and I get that. But to say that you might not afford your son the same amount of understanding that you would your daughter is kind of shitty (re. Batman/Elsa). You will find that your son will act emotional and clingy and might just love stuffed animals. I don't see any of that as "girly" and I hope that you won't berate him for that, as you mentioned you think you might. He will be a baby/toddler/young boy who wants his mama or dada or stuffed animal and that is OK.  When it comes down to it, there is no difference between baby boys and girls. My son will be 2 in May and I still don't think raising him is any different than raising a girl, at this point. I think once your little boy is here, you will realize that.

Again, I realize you wrote this when you were processing your very new emotions so you may have already moved past those thoughts. Gender disappointment is one thing but this seems more about your fundamental views on what a boy should be and I guarantee you that they are not all trucks and sports for a very long time. My DS is super affectionate and maybe a little clingy but I wouldn't have it any other way!

Whoa, I missed this. Flair Underwood , I think it's perfectly normal to wonder about how you'll react to  raising a boy. None of us here were ever little boys so it's foreign territory. There were absolutely things that I deferred to DH on because I had no context to make a decision or form an opinion. That said, I do think that you should have an honest discussion with yourself about why you are so worried about your reaction, before he's here. 

I don't bat an eye when DS comes to me and wants to snuggle, or when he says adorable things, because he's a little boy and I don't expect him to act like a grown man (whatever that even means). When I compare him to my nieces there are definitely differences in behavior between him and all the girls, but I honestly think it's due more to personality than gender. Anyway, what my rambling post is really trying to say is that I think you'll be surprised when you're looking at your own son and seeing just how wonderful a sensitive, caring, funny, rambunctious little boy can be.

You've always struck me as a rational, caring parent and poster here and while your word choice here is a little eyebrow-raising, I'm pretty certain that once you see your little guy, these thoughts won't even register.

[frecklesnbrains]

I think we all carry both conscious and unconscious biases about gender (and lots of other things for that matter). When we choose to become parents we ALL want to give our children the highest level of love and support possible, but sometimes that forces us to deal face-on with those biases and that can be really intimidating at first. Inevitably, I think we will all end up in that position at some time or another, regardless of where we fall on the spectrum of socially traditional vs. progressive. That's how I interpreted Flair's comments.

[Andrea]

Jan 26, 2016 15:10:27 GMT -5 soultrane said:

Jan 26, 2016 14:42:16 GMT -5 microworm said:

I realize you are processing your feelings. I was there too. I had some disappointment when I found out I'm having another boy. Mostly just bummed because I won't ever have a daughter and I always thought I would.

Everyone else is focusing on cute boy clothes but as a mother of a boy, some of your comments kind of rubbed me the wrong way, TBH. I think part of it is maybe you just haven't been around little boys, and I get that. But to say that you might not afford your son the same amount of understanding that you would your daughter is kind of shitty (re. Batman/Elsa). You will find that your son will act emotional and clingy and might just love stuffed animals. I don't see any of that as "girly" and I hope that you won't berate him for that, as you mentioned you think you might. He will be a baby/toddler/young boy who wants his mama or dada or stuffed animal and that is OK.  When it comes down to it, there is no difference between baby boys and girls. My son will be 2 in May and I still don't think raising him is any different than raising a girl, at this point. I think once your little boy is here, you will realize that.

Again, I realize you wrote this when you were processing your very new emotions so you may have already moved past those thoughts. Gender disappointment is one thing but this seems more about your fundamental views on what a boy should be and I guarantee you that they are not all trucks and sports for a very long time. My DS is super affectionate and maybe a little clingy but I wouldn't have it any other way!

Whoa, I missed this. Flair Underwood , I think it's perfectly normal to wonder about how you'll react to  raising a boy. None of us here were ever little boys so it's foreign territory. There were absolutely things that I deferred to DH on because I had no context to make a decision or form an opinion. That said, I do think that you should have an honest discussion with yourself about why you are so worried about your reaction, before he's here. 

I don't bat an eye when DS comes to me and wants to snuggle, or when he says adorable things, because he's a little boy and I don't expect him to act like a grown man (whatever that even means). When I compare him to my nieces there are definitely differences in behavior between him and all the girls, but I honestly think it's due more to personality than gender. Anyway, what my rambling post is really trying to say is that I think you'll be surprised when you're looking at your own son and seeing just how wonderful a sensitive, caring, funny, rambunctious little boy can be.

You've always struck me as a rational, caring parent and poster here and while your word choice here is a little eyebrow-raising, I'm pretty certain that once you see your little guy, these thoughts won't even register.

+10000 on the bolded.

I am 100% on board with microworm, and you on this one. I work with babies and toddlers on a daily basis and am lucky to see the HUGE realm of personalities and preferences children tend to have. Most of them are not based on their sex, but their temperament and interests. Kids are magical; and boy or girl we want to allow them to have a full human range of emotions and interests so they can develop into adults who can empathize and be full rounded individuals.

[Flair Underwood]

I ADORE parenting a little girl. We have had such an amazing time these past years. I was sure with another girl we'd have the same kind of fun and it would be amazing and I was hoping for that in my heart, even though I didn't really know that I was.

Before DD, I didn't have dreams of being a "Mommy". It just never crossed my mind before wanting to GKU one day. I didn't know how much I would love it or how much I would love her. I know having a little boy will be the same kind of wonderful surprise.

I have never, in my head or heart, pictured myself with a son. I just never even entertained the thought - dumb I know.  I haven't been around a ton of boys in my life, but the couple I have been around I didn't like being around. That's not a judgment on all little boys (just those 2, really). It really was from a place of shock when I posted my feelings last night. I have no intention of berating my son for his feelings or desires. With having an older sister, I KNOW he'll want to play princesses and unicorns or whatever she's doing. I'm fine with that.... 

I don't mean to offend any mothers of little boys, microworm . I know they are wonderful... and I know when mine is here, i'll be in love it will all be okay. After almost 24 hours to work through things, I know that I am okay with all of DD's emotions/tantrums/etc... because she is MY child, not because she's a girl.

And frecklesnbrains - you're right regarding biases and I'm just staring mine in the face and starting the process of working through them.

This turned into a nonsensical rambling post with some tears on my end and some thinking through things - so I apologize it doesn't make much sense.

[ArgyleEnigma]

I think it's true and totally legit that society is more ready to let girls do "boy" things than boys do "girl" things, and that constantly being pummeled by society's mindset on this is almost certain to seep into our minds somehow, even if explicitly we don't sign onto strict gender divisions.

There are lots of implicit racial biases--for example, if you are shown images of black people, you are then likely to recognize an image of a gun more quickly than if you'd been primed with images of white people. This happens across races. It happens to people who would never consciously do anything racist. It can be a shocker to realize that implicit bias is still there. The big key to combating it is realizing it exists. If you're "not racist" and never question any thought or reaction, that whatever biases you have go unchecked. Much better to always assume you do have biases, staying alert to the possibility, so that you can consciously make choices to combat it.

That was how I saw Flair Underwood's comment. She is, wisely, recognizing her biases and dealing with them. I frankly thought it was brave. We can't control whether we have a start when our boys ask for rainbow tutus, and not when our girls ask for Batman--all we can do is recognize the reaction and consciously overrule it. Which I'd bet my pants gets easier with practice, until the bias really is way reduced (huzzah--they get tutus and acceptance, we get personal growth). Stay alive to the possibility of bias, like Flair Underwood, and reject it. Best we can do as parents (who are also humans).

That is my long-ass opinion.

[Flair Underwood]

ArgyleEnigma, you're awesome and right. I appreciate your ability to think through things rationally and write such an thought-out response. Thank you for that.

[frecklesnbrains]

ArgyleEnigma that was exactly my point, though you explained it far more eloquently.

[microworm]

Flair Underwood you didn't offend me. This was never about me or my son. I was taken aback by your original comments and wanted to say something and include some personal anecdotes that I thought might make you think and reconsider. I think it is great that you are recognizing your own biases regarding gender and working through them. I agree with ArgyleEnigma that society is more likely to let girls do "boy" things than the reverse. But it is up to us moms to challenge that. In a society that is shoving violence down our boys' throats (video games, toy weapons), we need to encourage them to be caring, affectionate, and maybe a little "girly."

[nitecheese]

Jan 27, 2016 8:49:34 GMT -5 microworm said:

Flair Underwood you didn't offend me. This was never about me or my son. I was taken aback by your original comments and wanted to say something and include some personal anecdotes that I thought might make you think and reconsider. I think it is great that you are recognizing your own biases regarding gender and working through them. I agree with ArgyleEnigma that society is more likely to let girls do "boy" things than the reverse. But it is up to us moms to challenge that. In a society that is shoving violence down our boys' throats (video games, toy weapons), we need to encourage them to be caring, affectionate, and maybe a little "girly."

I am not sure how I missed this yesterday. My multi-tasking skills are on the decline. As a boy mom, I have never once given second thought to my son expressing sadness, empathy, fear, neediness, etc (or any other "girly" emotion) because, well, he's a baby/toddler. Like PPs have said, those biases go out the window once your baby is in your arms, and it is our job as parents to make sure we support our kids regardless of our own preconceptions. 

DH and I often talk about how sweet DS is, not just with us, but to everyone. He loves to give hugs and reassurance - that's just his personality. We know it will be hard to get him to keep that sweetness, since it can be hard to be "the nice guy". However, I don't think that emasculates him - it just makes him a kind soul.

At this point I feel like I'm rambling.

EDITED BECAUSE WORDS ARE HARD.

[frecklesnbrains]

This topic is reminding me of a conversation I recently had with my DH, who initially expressed some concern about having a boy because he didn't think he'd be able to "teach him to be manly", to be outgoing, toss around a football, etc. You must first understand that my husband is a very quiet and gentle soul. He's always been shy, bookish, never into stereotypical "guy" things like sports. He was teased as a kid and says most of his family assumed he was gay. But he's the most generous, empathetic and unassuming person I've ever met. So my immediate response to him was that this type of role model is EXACTLY what our son needs. As nitecheese says the whole world will put pressure on him to be a stereotypical "guy's guy" but from what he sees at home he'll know that he can maintain his soft edge and still become a confident and successful adult man.

[soultrane]

frecklesnbrains, I want to like your post more than once because that's my wish for DS (and now for baby brother). DH was raised as an athlete and a lot of people who don't know him very well would classify him as a guy's guy, but he's also the most sensitive and caring male that I know and those attributes are so much more important for my sons to learn and model after than how athletic they are or how much they know about sports.

I want them to know that they can pursue their interests, whatever they may be, and still maintain the sensitive and caring nature that they are born with. I just really want my children to know that they can grow up to be caring individuals who can comfortably express their emotions and show empathy toward others, because there are going to be a lot of people telling them that that's not ok.

[nitecheese]

Jan 27, 2016 9:43:21 GMT -5 soultrane said:

frecklesnbrains , I want to like your post more than once because that's my wish for DS (and now for baby brother). DH was raised as an athlete and a lot of people who don't know him very well would classify him as a guy's guy, but he's also the most sensitive and caring male that I know and those attributes are so much more important for my sons to learn and model after than how athletic they are or how much they know about sports.

I could have written this word for word. My DH often talks about how hard it is to balance those personas, and how he hopes it is easier for DS.

[shoogars]

Wow! ThIs got really long, sorry!!

This is such a great discussion. For me, as a mother of soon to be 3 girls, I am constantly fighting gender stereotypes. I am not and have never been a "girly girl" or "princess" sort of girl. However, much to my surprise my first born came out of the womb a princess. We are constantly fighting her own statements (at 4) that "that's for boys" or "girls can't do that" and not everything needs to be pink. I really don't think she has learned this from us. We have asked that family (MIL) refrain from giving her all princess/character toys and gifts, no pretend make up etc. We ask for toys to encourage learning and interests in science, ecology, building, investigating (not that anyone follows what we ask).

I have a hard time shopping for clothes for my girls because I don't want everything covered in princesses, sparkles, and ruffles. There isn't much left. I want my girls to look cute, but don't see the need for the extreme.

I think one of the best things my parent did for me (and my brother) was to give us each a real tool for Christmas each year. Then we learned to use it. By the time we left home we were equipped with what we needed (tools and skills) to take care of our own homes. I am the one around here who gets the tools out and fixes things. By the time I got married I had everything from hammers and screwdrivers to soldering irons and a table saw.