WM Questions

[dashofreality]

We are about to do some ASD testing for my DD. While I fully realize that it is not my fault, I do wonder if I am slacking as a parent/could do more to help my kids. I would love to know what is normal for other working moms. I guess I want to know if anyone is pinteresty in real life, and either guilt me into doing more or assuage my minor guilt.

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency?

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas.

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)?

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child?

[dashofreality]

To answer my own questions:


1. Do you do play dates? Frequency?

No. Between frequent moves, an odd schedule, and general pain of organizing, I have done play dates a handful of times. We do go to open gyms and other places with kids at least once a week, but I do feel the need to find DD a friend.

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas.

I do basic learning activities occasionally but nothing formal and it is probably 1-2x a week. Most of the time my kids are playing together or with their toys. They love hide and seek and tag. We do color/paint/cut/glue but no elaborate crafts. I occasionally do some pinterest things - make flubber, shaving cream paint, but it is not a regular thing. Any attempt by me to teach or help my DD usually results in resistance and her abandoning the activity.

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)?

I am slacking here, especially since having #2. Most mornings I probably do 90% of the dressing so we can get out the door. I also need to be better about clean up and chores.

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child?

This may sound bad, but the Leap Frog Letter Factory DVD taught my kids their alphabet/letter sounds. DD is in the beginning stages of learning to read and I think this had a lot to do with it.

[ericalee27]

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency?
We usually do at least one play date on the weekends, sometimes two -- usually with families who have two kids, and their kids are the same age as my 2 kiddos. It's just seemed to work out that way with our friends naturally. My boys need to be very active, so we try to keep really busy on the weekends.

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas.
Nope, and DS1 seems to be doing just fine.


3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)?
Yes, especially DS1 (my 4 yr old)

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child?
Not really.

[welly01]

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency? Nope. The only kids that DS plays with outside of daycare are cousins once a month at family get togethers.

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas. I hate Pinterest. It makes me feel like such a failure as a mom, lol. I've done a few things like homemade playdoh and the strainer with pipe cleaners. Everything I've tried has been an epic failure. I'm not practicing any particular skills. Last night I tried to get him to hold up 1 finger, 2 fingers, etc. (another failure). When DH puts him to bed, they do a little session of "what's that?". DH asks where's the chair, the bed, the window, etc.

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)? I'm not 100% sure what exactly you're asking here but we've started asking DS to take off his shoes when we come inside. We ask him to pull his high chair to the table when we eat. We've always tried to encourage him to pick up his toys.

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child? Honestly, no.

[greenmonkey1]

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency?
Not counting getting together with my sister and her kids, we probably have a play date once or twice a month. Maybe more in the nicer months, but that is more just a "hey, we'll be at the park at xyz time"

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas.
We read books and are specific about having DS count, name colors, etc. But we don't do flashcards and I have no time (or skills really) for anything on pinterest.

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)?
Most of the time, but I sometimes have to remind myself with the dressing concept. It's more that DS wants to do everything so if I don't let him try it gets hairy.

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child?
Reading is probably the only thing that we have done regularly since birth. I like to think this has an impact on DS' development. Other than that, picking a good daycare!

[k3am]

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency?
 Not specifically. Most of our friends have kids around DD's age. At least once a week we get together with a friend, and our kids are forced into play dates.


2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas.
We read books before bed. Most of the things we "actively" work on are in the car, when I ask her to say something, etc. Last night I was SHOCKED to find she can count to 8 with help. 


3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)?
She forces us to allow her to. Which is why she looks like a homeless toddler at daycare so often. Right now, DD loves helping. She helps me push the laundry bin to the garage, helps load it into the washer, helps move it to the dryer, empty the dryer, pushing it back to the bedroom, and with the sorting/folding. It's pretty much the opposite of help, but the kid gets a kick out of it, to the point that we end up doing a lot more laundry. (Yes, CA is in a drought. But it makes my kid happy, so ptth)


4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child? Nope.


FWIW, I think any parent of a kid with (or potentially with) special needs ends up thinking that they may be partially to blame. When DD first started having seizures, I went back to question everything that we could have done to mess her up. I started jogging with her at 10 weeks vs the suggested 6 months, more than a few occasions where her head was whacked against something, eating a lot of processed foods while I was pregnant, not forcing her to eat purees as an infant, not making the healthiest meals once she decided solids were cool, having construction on our kitchen, etc. It's a really, really slippery slope, and at the end of the day, there aren't any solid answers. 

I assume your kid is getting love, nurture, a safe environment, and all of her basic needs met - both at home and from your DCP. Just the fact that you're asking this kind of question makes it pretty obvious that you're a great mom and doing the best you can. 

Hopefully the testing gives you some answers one way or another and you can start making a game plan from there.

[dashofreality]

Feb 5, 2015 10:37:23 GMT -5 k3am said:

FWIW, I think any parent of a kid with (or potentially with) special needs ends up thinking that they may be partially to blame. When DD first started having seizures, I went back to question everything that we could have done to mess her up. I started jogging with her at 10 weeks vs the suggested 6 months, more than a few occasions where her head was whacked against something, eating a lot of processed foods while I was pregnant, not forcing her to eat purees as an infant, not making the healthiest meals once she decided solids were cool, having construction on our kitchen, etc. It's a really, really slippery slope, and at the end of the day, there aren't any solid answers. 

I assume your kid is getting love, nurture, a safe environment, and all of her basic needs met - both at home and from your DCP. Just the fact that you're asking this kind of question makes it pretty obvious that you're a great mom and doing the best you can. 

Hopefully the testing gives you some answers one way or another and you can start making a game plan from there.

Thanks k3am Generally I don't fall into the comparing parenting game, but I do think I need to make more of an effort in a few areas, while I can't say it will help, it surely won't hurt. It is interesting, when my DD was having her seizures I never even thought that I might've contributed. I know your DD is more serious, but blame wouldn't cross my mind in your situation. And I will say that if head whacking was a cause of seizures then we would've had issues with my DS not my DD, that kid is constantly scaring the crap out of me with his head bashes.

[k3am]

When we first brought DD home from the hospital, DH was constantly worried that we were going to be bad parents and somehow mess her up. I finally told him that if crackheads and Floridians (no offense if anyone's from Florida.. but he reads Fark, so it got through) can occasionally raise successful kids, we're already leaps and bounds ahead and will be find.

[queenbabee]

Feb 5, 2015 11:01:45 GMT -5 k3am said:

When we first brought DD home from the hospital, DH was constantly worried that we were going to be bad parents and somehow mess her up. I finally told him that if crackheads and Floridians (no offense if anyone's from Florida.. but he reads Fark, so it got through) can occasionally raise successful kids, we're already leaps and bounds ahead and will be find.

Born & raised in FL,not offended. Between the news & COPS...PRETTY COMMON PERCEPTION!

[sugarcraze]

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency?
We used to, but we are currently living with my parents and have been there for just under 2 years. Since moving in, it's been harder.

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas.
Absolutely not. My son is in K, and his teacher sends homework home and some of the options he can pick are writing his letters in shaving cream, or salt/sugar. All things that are probably from Pintrest. I don't even give him those options, because as much fun as it might be for him, I don't have the energy to clean up the mess after

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)?
This one is a big yes for us. I'm all about the kids being independent, and we've done things like getting dressed, using spoon/forks, cleaning up after themselves right from the beginning.

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child?
This may get me flamed, but really watching TV has definitely helped. Shows like Mickey Mouse Clubhouse have definitely taught both of my kids their colors/shapes/letters/numbers and then we just continue that outside of the show. While in the car, or just doing mundane tasks, I'll ask random things depending on age/development like how many cars are parked over there, or what color is that ball, etc. We don't go crazy though!

[twinmomma]

Feb 5, 2015 9:42:45 GMT -5 dashofreality said:

We are about to do some ASD testing for my DD. While I fully realize that it is not my fault, I do wonder if I am slacking as a parent/could do more to help my kids. I would love to know what is normal for other working moms. I guess I want to know if anyone is pinteresty in real life, and either guilt me into doing more or assuage my minor guilt.

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency? Basically never. We don't go to daycare and don't really have friends with kids. Once a week they go to gymnastics class and once a week they play with our nanny's kid for a couple hours. 

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas. Not really. I bought some flashcards and puzzles and things, so those get worked into our weekend play time, but it's not like a major thing I think of. Sensory bins, not really. I filled a bin with pom poms per pinterest, and they love it, but then I'm cleaning up pom poms for a week. When they're coloring we help them do letters with hand over hand writing, especially their names. They love seeing their names written out and discussing the letters. 

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)? Yup, most of the time they just do their own thing. They love being independent. I think the fact that there's two of them helps though, lots of independent play with each other or helping each other with tasks. 

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child? We read A LOT with them. Like, no exaggeration, they probably get between 10-20 books a day over the course of any given day. They love books, love discussing the stories, we talk about all the pictures and what is happening, etc. We don't just blow through the stories. I think that's really had an impact on how advanced they are with language and speaking. Most people are shocked with how much and how well they speak for their age. We also don't sugar coat things with them. They ask a question, we answer with as accurate an answer as we can. They love learning about the world around them and are fascinated when we take the time to explain science things or elaborate on questions they have. We've never talked to them like babies or little kids. We really help them learn and explore in our daily conversations. We look things up online with them and show them videos when possible. I think that has a bigger impact on kids than just flashcards or pinterest games. 

[leap08]

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency? Rarely. DD1 has been going to a lot of birthday parties lately, does that count? Our weekends are busy and most of the time I just don't want to squeeze in play dates. We do tend to do more in the summer when we can meet at a park.

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas. DD1 really loves to do art projects, so we try to do fun art activities from time to time. They also spend a lot of time painting, coloring, playing with stamps, and making things with playdough. DD1 has some workbooks that we'll do from time to time, but really only because she likes to do them.

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)? Absolutely yes. Both of them get dressed by themselves every day. We also implement age appropriate "chores". For almost 2 years DD1 has been responsible for feeding the dog every evening. I now think DD2 is old enough to do this so she's going to start feeding the dog and DD1 is going to start setting the table for dinner.

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child? Both of my kids are pretty independent (their teachers have actually commented on it) and I think it's because we do expect them to do things for themselves. We read and talk a lot and that may have helped increase their vocabularies and language skills, but I couldn't say for sure.

[alioop1028]

Feb 5, 2015 11:05:18 GMT -5 queenbabee said:

Feb 5, 2015 11:01:45 GMT -5 k3am said:

When we first brought DD home from the hospital, DH was constantly worried that we were going to be bad parents and somehow mess her up. I finally told him that if crackheads and Floridians (no offense if anyone's from Florida.. but he reads Fark, so it got through) can occasionally raise successful kids, we're already leaps and bounds ahead and will be find.

Born & raised in FL,not offended. Between the news & COPS...PRETTY COMMON PERCEPTION!

k3am Born and partly raised in Florida too and sometimes I'm even like:

[2chatter]

1. Depends on age - the older the more frequently they see friends (maybe three times/week outside of activities) because they plan it. For the youngest, weekly is the goal but some weeks does not happen.


2. I have an education.com subscription so I can supplement where the school age kids need help and give DS basic things to do. We do a couple pinterest projects a year, lots of science experiments (ranging from easy ones like Ivory soap to growing mold and things that take time), the kids handmake things like invitations, Valentine's, Christmas cards. We bake a lot and that turns into math lessons (different for the different ages - I have the oldest double the recipe, the middle measure and estimate, the youngest plays with the cups and we talk about parts of a whole). Most of the things we do just integrate into normal like - like walk them through concepts on the sheets I print while I make dinner....

3. I don't with the youngest all the time. I try to push where we can - dressing, open cups, etc. but sometimes it's just too much from a time perspective.

4. Workbooks suggested by teachers to target specific skills, lots of time spent reading books, cooking, projects so they can work things through to completion (like leaf collections, building with keva planks, etc). And I second the Letter Factory DVD - DS watches it while he does breathing treatments and it's really helped. I used it for both girls as well.

[callmeKD]

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency?
No, not yet. She sees her cousins every couple of months. Several of our friends have kids, so we will get together as a family.

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas.

No. We quiz her a lot - ie where's your nose, ears, eyes etc. I ask her to repeat new words to me.

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)?

Yes. She helps me. ie go grab a diaper. put your PJs in the hamper. pick out what socks you want to wear.

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child?

We read ALL THE TIME. like 10 books easily every night. when the TV is on, she curls up with me (or her dad) with a pile of books to have us read to her instead of watching TV.

[jlaok]

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency? - pretty much no. occasionally with the kids of my friends

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas. - Nothing Pinteresty but we did number/letter flash cards and work with DS with reading, writing, and math. DS is also really into art so we have started to do art projects with him.

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)? - Yes. DS has a list of "chores" which includes things like: getting dressed, making bed, setting table.

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child?[/b] - Not really. We just try to work on whatever they are doing at daycare, but just basic stuff like reading/writing for DS or learning body parts for DD

Good luck with the testing. I hope you get some answers.

[aylafsu1881]

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency? On the weekends only. I would say 2X a month.

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas. It depends. We read a lot of books and draw. I work with letters, shapes, concepts during that time. However, it is random and just depends on what we are reading.

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)? Yes. I wish LO was better about it but I do let her "do" some things on her own.

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child? Not really. DC is really good about working with her on stuff. I just try to keep up/go over what they cover to help it sink it.

[tas1883]

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency?
About once a month. I have a girlfriend and our daughters are 5 days apart so we try and do a dinner at home play date once a month or so.
2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas.
DD has flashcards that she loves to do with DH as he likes them. We also have a lot of learning two piece puzzles think matching number to quantity. DD also loves to do art. But this is all on the weekends as weeknights DD is just done. Just in the last couple weeks we have been working more on writing with DD as she has really regressed since moving to the 3 year old room.
3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)?
Week day mornings nothing. Weeknights DD gets undressed and into pjs on her own. Weekends we let DD pick out her clothes and get dressed on her own as we have the extra time. She also is in charge of cleaning her room, picking up her stuff. She loves helping us cook and has been helping me cut simple things and stir pots, etc. She also helps set and clean the table and unload the dishwasher.
4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child
DD gets very little TV/screen time, like we don't even turn it on when she is up. I think this has helped her play on her own. She also is great at going out to eat probably because we have taken her out to eat since she was a couple days old and have had the same expectations from early on so going out is normal for her now as a preschooler.

[Divefrog]

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency?

Since my parents watch DD and we don't really have friends with kids her age we don't do play dates. I do have her enrolled in 3 classes a week with other kids so she gets some socialization. I am hoping when she starts preschool in the fall she will start to make her first firend(s)

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas.

I wouldn't say I intentionally set aside time. I just integrate it into what we are doing. When reading we talk about letters, we count lots of things, talk about more and less. Personally, I feel kids learb better organically when they are little not by flash cards and drills. 

I generally wil do some simple holiday craft(s) with her around each holiday. Making a hand turkey with finger paint, making a simple holiday ornament, or valentine's day card. Nothing too crazy, time consuming or super messy. 

DD loves to help cook so I do try and find as many ways as possible to let her help me in the kitchen. Washing fruit/veggies, measuring, pouring, stirring etc. 

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)?

Things would not go well in our house if DD was not allowed to do things for herself. She is 2.5 and will dress herself with only minor help, she does her entire evening bathroom routine wsahing hands and brusing teeth. She wants to wash herself including hair during her bath, she always does her own shoes or boots and coat (except getting the zipper started she still needs hep there) and lots more things....Things would take much longer and we would have a hundred meltdowns a day if I didnt' allow her to do these things.

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child?

Reading and Music. DD is basicaly obsessed with books. I would say 75% of our evening time with her is spent reading with her.. It gives her the physical closeness and connection she wants with us and it has just made a huge impact on her vocabulary and comprehension of language.  And music is her other love, she dances and sings and it is just a part of what makes her happy. We often use music to diffuse meltdowns and as a motivator to cooperate.

[Ruca]

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency?
DD goes to a home daycare and she is with a variety of aged children 3 days a week. We also do play dates with her cousins which are more spaced out.

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas.
DD does alot of those things at her daycare, the woman is so amazing with the kids. At home she'll do puzzles.

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)?
DD is very independent so within reason we let her do most things on her own. My mom says she's too independent but she's a strong willed person at heart and I want that to thrive in her because I'm the opposite.

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child?
Her speech is really good for her age and we've always talked to her as a person rather than a baby. Of course I can't help to give her some baby talk but I feel that has had a positive impact on her. I also cook with her alot.

[sandandsea]

Feb 5, 2015 9:42:45 GMT -5 dashofreality said:

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency? Rarely - he's with other kids all day M-F and we have busy schedules

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas. - not really, we point out colors and counting and use natural opportunities (baking, cooking) to introduce math skills and we read a lot

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)? - yes, the more he can do for himself, the less I have to do

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child? -  We use some educational CDs and DVDs, but I wouldn't say it really does anything, it's more just for entertainment that I feel less guilty about.  He has circle time at daycare everyday and they work on letters/numbers/printing with him at a 3 year old level, so I don't worry about it too much.

[mommyatty]

1. If my kids were in day care, no way would we prioritize this. But since they stay with grandparents, we make opportunities. DD does preschool 3 days a week. She does dance one day a week, and the fifth day there is a playgroup Grandma goes out on a weekly adventure with. It's made up of 4 kids total, two grandmas and a SAHM. They have an awesome time and do really cool stuff my MIL would never discover on her own. Nature trails, a park made up entirely of log cabins to play in, a toddler heaven at our parks and rec activity center. I'm grateful to that group.

2. No, and you shouldn't. Two studies have recently come out that show direct instruction at the preschool age and earlier actually harms kids' ability to learn. Great Slate article about the studies a couple of weeks ago.

3. Yes, we work hard on letting her do age-appropriate things. She enjoys it, it's good developmentally, and it isn't a huge time suck.

4. I cook with the 2 year old every Saturday morning. Mostly muffins. Sometimes on a weeknight I will let her help. She likes to pour and stir. We talk about numbers (can you push the 3 on the microwave, can you count out two eggs), we talk about chemical reactions (the baking soda will make bubbles so our muffins will be tall and fluffy!), and we bond in a fun activity. It's probably the best part of my week and she loves it. Also, preschool has been huge for her. And frankly she learns a lot from television, which came as an utter shock to me. She learns vocabulary (last night she told me she needed more water so she could be well-hydrated), numbers, letters, opposites. All kinds of good stuff.

[doodler]

Before I answer the questions, I just want to say that it is great that you are getting tested and you obviously are working hard to make sure your kids are doing the best they can. Whether or not ASD is a consideration after the testing, hopefully the person doing the testing compiles a report and puts suggestions in for ways that you can help your DD on a daily basis. You can integrate some of the suggestions into home life and daycare/preschool, etc...


1. Do you do play dates? Frequency?
Most of our friends and family have kids so every weekend ends up being a playdate.

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas.
At this point, no. DS goes to bed really early so we mainly just eat dinner and then play. We do read books but he generally doesn't sit through an entire one unless it has flaps or some other attention grabbing feature. My mother watches him during the day though and she does more learning type things with him.

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)?
He is only 15 months so that's not so applicable yet.

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child?
I think keeping regular routines has helped him. Most kids seem to thrive on routine, especially kids on the spectrum. That's usually one of the first things I suggest to parents that are struggling.

[seadragon2013]

Feb 5, 2015 9:42:45 GMT -5 dashofreality said:

We are about to do some ASD testing for my DD. While I fully realize that it is not my fault, I do wonder if I am slacking as a parent/could do more to help my kids. I would love to know what is normal for other working moms. I guess I want to know if anyone is pinteresty in real life, and either guilt me into doing more or assuage my minor guilt.

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency?

No, none of our close friends around here have kids. If we did playdates, it would be with the kiddos he sees at daycare everyday, which seems unnecessary.

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas.

He's not quite two, so flashcards would be pretty silly at this point. Honestly, I'd only do them before grade school if my kids requested it. We do spend a lot of time doing art at home and he's slowly learning to differentiate the colors. We also try to give him lots of sensory experiences at home, but seldom do anything particularly Pinterest-y. We try to spend a lot of time outside in nature and at zoos/aquariums on the weekend. I'm a biologist and naturalist, so I feel like reading and introducing DS to nature are my two major early ed goals.

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)?

Not enough, especially on weekdays. 

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child?

Reading him ALL the books. We do this to compensate for letting him watch too much TV, but he definitely loves reading.

I also want to add, from what you post on this forum, it sounds like you are a great mom. I hope you get some answers from your DD's evaluations!

[traveltheworld]

1. We get together every weekend with our friends who have similar-aged kids. DS also only goes to daycare 2 days a week so I feel the extra socialization is important.

2. I'm the most "non-arts and crafts" mom there is. DS loves puzzles so we do lots of that, and DS loves to read so we read a LOT. But we don't do flashcards - I think learning should be a fluid process.

3. That's probably where we are very deficient. I'm very impatient so end up helping DS more often than I should.

4. I think our efforts in getting DS to be more social has really helped. He was a very grumpy baby and really didn't show any interest in being with other children for the first 2 years of his life. We had him enrolled in classes (music, gymnastics, etc.) and he was always the kid who played in a corner by himself. When we took him to soccer, out of 10 classes, he spent the first 8 sitting on the grass refusing to get up to play with the ball. When we got together for playdates, he was the kid that would sit and play trains by himself for 2 hours straight. We just kept at it - we kept taking him to different activities and gave him chances to play with other kids, but never pushed him. If he wanted to just sit there and watch, we let him. Eventually little by little he came out of his shell. Now he is a lot more social and would engage with other children. Perhaps it would have happened with age anyhow, but I felt that this was the one area that DH and I made a real conscious effort on.

[rubberchicken]

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency? Nope.  We sometimes get together with friends of ours who also have kids, but we don't do playdates with preschool kids or playgroups or anything like that.  I see my kid for 2 hours on weekdays - weekends are FAMILY time. 

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas.  We don't actively work on skills.  I'm one of those hippy wanna-be-scandanavian parents who thinks kids learn best through free play.  DD gets read to every night before bed, and on weekends we usually visit one museum, zoo, wildlife/forest/trail etc.  We also do a dance class and a swim class, but I think we're going to ditch the dance class.  It's just too much.  Once she can swim, I think we'll go back to dance, or maybe gymnastics.

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)? Its hard during the weekdays cuz we're so rushed, but I try at bedtime.  On weekends she helps me cook -- stirs the eggs etc.  And she CAN get dressed by herself, it just takes FOREVER.

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child?  I talked to her All.Day.Long.  And now SHE talks All.Day.Long.  She's incredibly verbal.  We're still working on her motor skills, but when we're at the park, I've tried to step back and not preemptively rescue her or "help" too much.  She'll figure it out eventually, you know?

[mustardseed2007]

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency?

Probably quarterly. I feel like this is our biggest area of slack. We never say no when someone else organizes it, but we rarely organize anything like that.

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas.

We read to DS and DD every night, but that's about it.

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)?

 Each morning DS makes his own breakfast (toast with cream cheese or some such). He also likes to help make coffee. We try to encourage dressing, but on weekday mornings I'm flipping the TV on to get DS to allow me to dress him myself. DD is still learning to crawl.

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child?

I really don't. I'm sure some things have, but it seems like he learns most things from school, TBH.

I want to add that for DD, I feel like sometimes she's growing up without us really noticing it, which makes me feel super guilty. Before her wellness appointments I feel like I need to do an inventory so that when the doctor asks me if she's doing "X", I'll have some idea whether or not it's happening. She is in PT for torticollis, and I definitely feel like we aren't helping her enough. We just increased her therapy to twice per week and I definitely feel like if we were doing our part better and with more regularity we wouldn't have had to do that.

Also, pinterest sucks. The only time I pay attention to that crap is right before a birthday party when I use it to drive myself crazy.

ETA: Sorry something weird happened to that post.

EATA: We actually had a play date with a friend of mine whose DS is about a month older than DD this weekend at the local Children's Museum. It was really striking how differently we play with our kids. She seemed to have a very structured plan in mind as to how to play with her kid (mine too actually) and kept moving them around to different centers every 10 minutes or so. Stuff it wouldn't have occurred to me to do. I would have hung out in one or two places as long as DD was happy!

On the one hand I think she may have a better approach than me. On the other hand I just wonder if she gets bored and so has worked out this "circuit training" to keep herself engaged. She's a friend of mine who was an attorney but quit to stay home with her kid. I don't know if that has anything to do with it or not.

 

[culper355]

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency? Yes, we have a family that has 2 kids that are in our kids DC classes, we also are around family a lot and my nephews are around the same age-that kind of counts. Family we see once a week, our friends twice a month.

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas. We read before bed every night, with DS (5 in pre-k)we do at least one of the easy-reader books and get him to read/sound it out.  His DC sends home some of the phonics stuff they work on that we do.  With DD (2) not really much. I generally do artsy/craft stuff with the kids on the weekends, but that's because I like that kind of stuff myself.  

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)? If we have the time, I try to let them do things on their own first.  When DS procrastinates getting dressed in the morning we set a timer, he knows we will do it for him (which he doesn't want) if the timer goes off and he isn't ready yet.

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child? not really

[harperandco]

1. Do you do play dates? Frequency?
We go to the park once a week with a friend.

2. Outside of preschool/DCP/reading to your kids/engaging them do you actively work on skills? Read are you doing flashcards/sensory bins/other fabulous pinterest ideas.
We have a sensory basket, but that's it.

3. Do you regularly allow the time for your kids to do things for themselves (age appropriate dressing etc.)?
No, but she's just under a year so there isn't anything I allow her to do independently except eat and play.

4. Is there anything that you have done at home that you felt has had a noticeable impact on your child?
DD isn't happy unless I'm on the floor playing with her after work. I try and devote my complete attention to her and wait to clean/do chores until after bed. I noticed that before I started doing this, she was grumpy gills the entire night. Probably because I only see her 2-3 hours a day, if that.

[CurlieWhirlie]

The subject of play dates is close to my heart, dashofreality. I feel like it's so hard to do those after-school playdates when we both work, and it so often feels like I'm getting left out and DS is getting left out of friendships that are forming between kids and parents in his class. He's in K and thankfully my parents are our care providers, or we'd be totally out of the loop with this. They do all the walk-to-school-walk-home-from-school. They hang out at the park after school with some of the other parents (the WFH or the SAH). They have DSs friends over to their house occasionally. They talk with other parents at drop-off about whose house he will go to for an hour after school to play. So they are making sure he's not getting left out, but I sure feel left out!

I don't have answers for you, I'm just raising a hand in solidarity. We are doomed to always feel like we're either half-assing parenting or half-assing work, right? UGH.