TTCAL 4/4

[kariann12]

Apr 5, 2017 18:11:45 GMT -5 Rama said:

Apr 5, 2017 18:04:34 GMT -5 @sparky85 said:

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one

This is something that I grew up knowing happened from my mom and her sisters, so I was surprised to learn that losses weren't really talked about.

That's another reason I do it.  I really isn't talked about much at all and so many of my friends have held their tongues for a variety of reasons; many of them felt so alone.

So I'm the "asshole" that makes it a normal topic.  I talk about it with my friends, to strangers, it's just another thing to talk about.  I make myself open so that those people that don't talk (for whatever reason -- I know not everyone can be balls-out like I am) have someone to feel safe with.  I don't want to contribute to an invisible rule where you don't talk about loss, because it's SO common and SO many people already make it awkward. 

It's a personal mission to normalize loss conversation because no one should ever feel alone.

I started telling a few people at work cuz they could tell I've been down lately. It feels so much better telling someone. I can't keep it bottled up. I really feel like it's helping me heal.

[Rama]

Apr 5, 2017 20:55:11 GMT -5 kariann12 said:

Apr 5, 2017 18:11:45 GMT -5 Rama said:

That's another reason I do it.  I really isn't talked about much at all and so many of my friends have held their tongues for a variety of reasons; many of them felt so alone.

So I'm the "asshole" that makes it a normal topic.  I talk about it with my friends, to strangers, it's just another thing to talk about.  I make myself open so that those people that don't talk (for whatever reason -- I know not everyone can be balls-out like I am) have someone to feel safe with.  I don't want to contribute to an invisible rule where you don't talk about loss, because it's SO common and SO many people already make it awkward. 

It's a personal mission to normalize loss conversation because no one should ever feel alone.

I started telling a few people at work cuz they could tell I've been down lately. It feels so much better telling someone. I can't keep it bottled up. I really feel like it's helping me heal.

This makes me so happy to hear. I've always felt better sharing and I love hearing it works the same way when other people do it, too.

Let's make this topic normal. Let's blow holes in its perceived taboo-ness. I love you all so much. <3

[ajetter]

Apr 5, 2017 20:55:11 GMT -5 kariann12 said:

Apr 5, 2017 18:11:45 GMT -5 Rama said:

That's another reason I do it.  I really isn't talked about much at all and so many of my friends have held their tongues for a variety of reasons; many of them felt so alone.

So I'm the "asshole" that makes it a normal topic.  I talk about it with my friends, to strangers, it's just another thing to talk about.  I make myself open so that those people that don't talk (for whatever reason -- I know not everyone can be balls-out like I am) have someone to feel safe with.  I don't want to contribute to an invisible rule where you don't talk about loss, because it's SO common and SO many people already make it awkward. 

It's a personal mission to normalize loss conversation because no one should ever feel alone.

I started telling a few people at work cuz they could tell I've been down lately. It feels so much better telling someone. I can't keep it bottled up. I really feel like it's helping me heal.

So glad there are more and more people who are opening up.  I posted on instagram about a week after my loss, and I had over 100 people comment.  Some offering their condolences, some sharing their stories, and some thanking me for being brave enough to share.  I'm so close to finished with my blog post about our loss.  I hope it can help at least one person feel like they are not alone.

[smores]

Apr 5, 2017 20:22:02 GMT -5 mflowers929 said:

smores I'm calling you out lady! I've been staring at the delicious melty marshmallow in your profile pic for way too long, and so I wound up going out and getting myself a bag of marshmallows to toast up on my stove. But I did't make a s'mores, oh no, I'm way too Martha Stewart for that. I put peanut butter on that shit, and then covered it in chocolate. I just finished eating it and it was sooo good, but my stomach is already hating me for all the sugar. This is all your fault!

Well, that sounds delicious! I am both glad and sorry for being your inspiration, haha! Now I'm craving them! I really need to buy smores supplies next grocery shop so I can be prepared.

[smores]

I love that so many of you are so open in talking about loss. I'm definitely team-normalize. I feel like, personally, I need some more distance from it before I can tell the people I see everyday, but am not really friends with, like coworkers. Like, I can't talk about it without being emotional still. Which is totally fine with friends and people I don't mind being vulnerable with, but no thanks to ugly crying while I make small talk in the break room.

Eventually though, I do want to get to the point where I feel comfortable enough that I can talk to anyone about it. I'm sure I'll get there in time. I'll for sure be posting something in October on social media since its pregnancy and infant loss awareness month AND it's also the month I should have been due.

[esgrunner]

Anyone else deal with migraines post-loss? Ugh I have one, starting yesterday afternoon and continuing today. My migraines are usually linked to both hormones AND hydration but right now I am hydrated fine so it must just be hormonal. I took some OTC meds which seem to be helping and also this huge coffee (caffeine is usually a good remedy) but I seriously thought I would puke earlier. Bleh.

[aprilz81]

I'm so sorry everyone is having such a shitty week. Giant hugs for everyone.

AFM:

CD 14 with my monitoring appointment yesterday. I've got 5 follies growing (16, 14, 14, 13, 13) and my RE seems to think that only 2-3 are going to be mature. We are doing TI with Femara.

I bounce back and forth between optimism and pessimism. We got pregnant with Ava when I had 6 follicles but obviously that didn't work out for us. We have also gotten pregnant twice in 7 medicated cycles so when I look at that statistic things look promising, but then I also know 'healthy couples' only have a 20% chance each cycle. Ugh, I wish I could just skip the next two weeks.

[esgrunner]

Another question....we have our initial consultation with the RE on 4/17. I am guessing I will ovulate right around or before then (possibly, or it could be delayed). Would you guys TTA or TTC this month if you were me? Just curious.

[Rama]

Apr 6, 2017 9:46:17 GMT -5 esgrunner said:

Another question....we have our initial consultation with the RE on 4/17. I am guessing I will ovulate right around or before then (possibly, or it could be delayed). Would you guys TTA or TTC this month if you were me? Just curious.

I have so little chance of success, I "TTC" full time. Now, since my cycles are basically non-existent, I need treatment to have a chance anyway. So TTA, except for after a loss, just doesn't happen.

[aprilz81]

Apr 6, 2017 9:46:17 GMT -5 esgrunner said:

Another question....we have our initial consultation with the RE on 4/17. I am guessing I will ovulate right around or before then (possibly, or it could be delayed). Would you guys TTA or TTC this month if you were me? Just curious.

Unless there is a reason (medical or otherwise) to TTA I would go for it.  

[mflowers929]

I never really had a choice about telling people, at least not with my first loss, because I work in such a small close environment in a care home, so of course I was so excited when I found out and told everyone, and then when I had the loss, I wound up having to miss work for the ER visits, so everyone knew. It was the first time that my boss hugged me, and the first time ANY boss had hugged me, which was super odd at the time

[ldubhawksfan]

Apr 6, 2017 9:46:17 GMT -5 esgrunner said:

Another question....we have our initial consultation with the RE on 4/17. I am guessing I will ovulate right around or before then (possibly, or it could be delayed). Would you guys TTA or TTC this month if you were me? Just curious.

I would ttc. It's your initial meeting where they will order your testing. If you temp, then you could get all the bw, including progesterone done this cycle, then schedule the HSG onCD3 if this cycle isn't successful. I don't like taking cycles off unless there is good reason to. I mean, I suppose you could try to order the hsg this cycle if you TTA, but some REs may not even take the chance of believing you really have absolutely prevented any chance of pregnancy, so tta might be for not.

[esgrunner]

Thanks ladies.
TW: LO: Part of me is super hopeful because we conceived our DS right after a short, failed pregnancy and I'm hoping for a repeat this time. That said, I don't know when I might O, but I've been pretty consistent in the past after my losses with pretty normal cycles. ("normal" for me at least)

[notelsie]

*TW Possible Pregnancy*
--------


I am 8dpo, and as of yesterday I have incredibly super squinters on wondfos and maybe on a frer. They are so light that I had been questioning myself until I saw the lines after the time limit. My friends can see it too, just barely.

I had a bad wondfo batch last cycle a few days before my period started. I have a new batch with a different lot number, and my period isn't due for another week or so. I also had a false positive on a Walmart brand test and curved frer last cycle.

So I'm just feeling all the feels. I'm stressed being in limbo. Things have been better the last few days between H and I. I can tell we are both putting the work in, but we have a ways to go.. I don't want to tell him until I'm sure. I'm ready to know one way or the other.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. I am just exhausted with feels.

[aprilz81]

notelsie, I understand the mixed feelings given your situation. Hang in there and I hope it works out for you!

[scoutradley]

**TW possible BFP** notelsie I too have been getting barely there squinters (see TWW thread) but I am 11dpo. I also am having a lot of feels about the situation. Am I emotionally ready for this, are H and I ready for this. We've been dealing with some temper issues lately and had a talk last night about how to change the situation but all day yesterday I was concerned that maybe we needed to give up TTC for awhile to work on some issues and then I was worried I was actually pregnant and it was bad timing. Then I'd switch to scared that I wasn't pregnant and I'd face disappointment. H and I aren't having the level of problems you and your H are, but I can *sort* of understand the insane back and forth.

[ldubhawksfan]

:::TW bfp::::


notelsie I get it. I got a squinter this morning (see 2ww). I'm happy but very skeptical. I don't believe it's real and I've never had a squinter so I'm worried it's going to just fade away. Dh and I barely hugged this morning. We are both kind of in a heisman pose holding ourselves away from excitement. It's normal. MC takes away a lot of naive bliss from future pregnancies. The fear doesn't go away. (((Hugs)))



I know your situation is extra difficult given the uncertainty with your relationship. I'll be thinking of you.

[notelsie]

Thanks ladies ❤❤

Hugs to both of you, and FX that everything works out! It's so exciting and terrifying to get squinters.

I'm on mobile so it's a little hard to respond. I hope I'm remembering everything.

scoutradley I hope you and H get to a better place soon. I know it's so stressful and emotional.

[notelsie]

**TW BFP/LC mentioned**

ldubhawksfan That's how H and I were when we got pregnant with our son after years of IF. I can't imagine what his reaction will be tonight when I tell him as I'm getting blood work tomorrow to see if I need progesterone. They also want to keep an eye on my betas.

I'm really hoping this is real.

[Rama]

All the hugs for the emotional yo-yos. But can I just say that these are my favorite triggers to see? I'm crossing my fingers for all of you. <3

[notelsie]

*TW Possible BFP*

My OB has me going to get labs drawn tomorrow for progesterone and hcg. She is planning to do betas every 2-3 days. I'm so glad they take me seriously.

It feels like not too long ago where people didn't care about my charts or pre existing issues.

[ajetter]

scoutradley, notelsie, ldubhawksfan hoping for the best for all of you!! And now I'm really wanting to test. I don't have anything to indicate that I might be KU. I'm maybe 7-8 DPO. I need to hold out till Monday!!

[mflowers929]

I randomly POAS to make sure my IUD hasn't failed, so I'm not one to say don't do it lol

[smores]

Apr 7, 2017 12:19:42 GMT -5 ajetter said:

scoutradley, notelsie, ldubhawksfan hoping for the best for all of you!! *snip*

+1 and I'll add you to that list as well ajetter!

[ajetter]

smores thank you!!

[smores]

misspatty - ((Hugs)) You're right, your sister is young and her implications that you are somehow being dishonest are wrong. You are not being dishonest. You do not have a responsibility or obligation to tell your mother, or anyone, about your loss if you don't want to. While it is common for people to ask that question, that doesn't negate it's insensitivity. Saying you don't want to talk about it is a perfectly acceptable and honest answer. Don't feel even a little bit bad or guilty about answering that way. Honestly, in your situation, if your mom asked again on your upcoming trip, I would just answer the same exact way. You don't want to talk about it, end of conversation. I will also add that when I was 22 I'm SURE I said a lot of dumb, insensitive things and did not even realize how insensitive they were. I can recall one specific instance before we were were even thinking about TTC and a distant family member was opening up about how they had been trying for over 2 years and were dealing with IF, and to this day I cringe at some of the (what I thought were) "reassuring" words that I said to her. I know it doesn't excuse anything, but I bet one day your sister will look back on her comments to you with the same cringe.

I hope your upcoming trip goes smoothly and your mom doesn't bring it up.

[notelsie]

Apr 7, 2017 14:16:04 GMT -5 smores said:

misspatty - ((Hugs)) You're right, your sister is young and her implications that you are somehow being dishonest are wrong. You are not being dishonest. You do not have a responsibility or obligation to tell your mother, or anyone, about your loss if you don't want to. While it is common for people to ask that question, that doesn't negate it's insensitivity. Saying you don't want to talk about it is a perfectly acceptable and honest answer. Don't feel even a little bit bad or guilty about answering that way. Honestly, in your situation, if your mom asked again on your upcoming trip, I would just answer the same exact way. You don't want to talk about it, end of conversation. I will also add that when I was 22 I'm SURE I said a lot of dumb, insensitive things and did not even realize how insensitive they were. I can recall one specific instance before we were were even thinking about TTC and a distant family member was opening up about how they had been trying for over 2 years and were dealing with IF, and to this day I cringe at some of the (what I thought were) "reassuring" words that I said to her. I know it doesn't excuse anything, but I bet one day your sister will look back on her comments to you with the same cringe.

I hope your upcoming trip goes smoothly and your mom doesn't bring it up.

All of this. So many hugs ❤

[Rama]

Apr 7, 2017 13:45:07 GMT -5 misspatty said:

I need to vent/ ramble for a second. I haven't told my parents about our loss. My mom and I are not close. In January, four weeks after my loss, my Mom asked me why we hadn't had kids. In a public place. We had just come from meeting my best friend's baby and she said she thought she would beat best friend's mom to being a grandma because we got married first. I told her I didn't want to talk about it and she acted pissed off about that response.

Fast forward to today, I'm going on a weekend trip alone with my mom. I texted my sister telling her I was nervous about a repeat situation. She basically told me that she doesn't understand why I wouldn't just tell her and she would just answer the question honestly. She brought up honesty several times which basically made it seem like I was being dishonest when I didn't answer the question. She also said it was a perfectly natural question for people to ask and that I was being ridiculous for thinking it was rude. She knows about our loss, but she is only 22. I know she's just young and naive, but it hurt me and I needed to put it somewhere. If you made it this far, thanks for listening to my crazy.

I'm so sorry, friend.  You are not crazy whatsoever.  It's natural to not want to discuss your sex life with someone you're not close to and that doesn't make you dishonest.

Your loss is probably your sisters's only experience with miscarriages, so while her words don't sting any less, she might not know any better.  I hope she learns to be more sympathetic and supportive in the future.  And your mom seems to be a piece of fucking work.  I'm the petty and vindictive kind of person that would shove my situation in her face, just to see her uncomfortable and squirm.  But I know that's not a rational or mature reaction, nor is it for everyone (or even most anyone).

I hope your weekend trip goes well with your mom.  Do you have a back-up plan if she pulls some kind of stunt like this on you?  Are you able to leave early or not spend time with her if she continues to push the issue?  Take care of yourself first.  Mom and Sister can sorrynotsorry dealwithit if your feelings inconvenience or frustrate them.

[Rama]

Apr 7, 2017 14:41:31 GMT -5 misspatty said:

Apr 7, 2017 14:31:51 GMT -5 Rama said:

I'm so sorry, friend.  You are not crazy whatsoever.  It's natural to not want to discuss your sex life with someone you're not close to and that doesn't make you dishonest.

Your loss is probably your sisters's only experience with miscarriages, so while her words don't sting any less, she might not know any better.  I hope she learns to be more sympathetic and supportive in the future.  And your mom seems to be a piece of fucking work.  I'm the petty and vindictive kind of person that would shove my situation in her face, just to see her uncomfortable and squirm.  But I know that's not a rational or mature reaction, nor is it for everyone (or even most anyone).

I hope your weekend trip goes well with your mom.  Do you have a back-up plan if she pulls some kind of stunt like this on you?  Are you able to leave early or not spend time with her if she continues to push the issue?  Take care of yourself first.  Mom and Sister can sorrynotsorry dealwithit if your feelings inconvenience or frustrate them.

She is driving me down and back, so I have no way out. I guess MH could come and get me if he really needed to, but it's a 4 hour round trip. I am bringing a Neil Degrasse Tyson book (which will bug her) and headphones, and I'll employ them if I need to. Honestly, the bold is my exact plan if she pushes it lol. We have such a complicated relationship and I don't really care at all about being petty and vindictive about it. Thanks for listening to my rambling <3

Oh, man it is my favorite.  I'm also super morbid and blunt, so if you piss me off, I'll start saying some REALLY uncomfortable things.

***morbid phrases tw, I guess?***

SPOILER: Click to show

"dead baby/ies", "liquidated flesh", and for those using their so-called omniscient God as a scapegoat, "baby killing God" seem to shut people up realdamnquick

[scoutradley]

misspatty people can be so insensitive. My MIL told me "you can't have another baby" and other things along those lines. I just told her "I don't want another baby, I wanted this one" and handed H my phone. And I've already been asked a few times about having another. Depending on my mood (and whose asking) I brush it off or I explain the situation or I blurt out whatever first comes to mind, socially acceptable or not.