TTC #1 starting July 2013, RE last 2014 First Angel baby lost July 11, 2014 IUI #1 with injections successful: EDD 11/24/15 Rainbow baby DD born 11/14/15 TTC#2 October 2016 Second Angel baby lost Jan 5, 2017
Post by wanderingheart on Mar 12, 2015 14:59:44 GMT -5
All the hugs to you, Whitney. I don't have any advice, but couldn't read this without stepping in to give you hugs. I just lost my grandma last week, so if you need to talk, I'm here. I'm sorry everything seems to be piling up at once.
No experience from me. I know a couple who only lived together on weekends early on in their marriage due to school and it was really tough on their marriage. I'm sorry you have to make such a hard decision ((hugs))
Post by samanthasays on Mar 12, 2015 15:03:42 GMT -5
I am so sorry Whitney! That is a lot to handle. I have not lived apart from H, but when we moved to OH from CA we did discuss that if I needed to I could go "home" for extended periods of time. I wish you nothing but the best whatever you decide.
July 2013 started TTC 7/20/2014=BFP; CP confirmed 8/1/2014 Dec 2014: Diagnosis = Unexplained IF 12/24/2014 Medicated TI (clomid)=BFN 1/22/2015: IUI #1 cancelled due to cyst 02/17/2015: IUI #2 cancelled due to another cyst 3/31/2015: IUI with Femera, 1 good follie, great sperm count = CP, my December Rainbow became an Angel
Post by easilyunamused on Mar 12, 2015 15:03:54 GMT -5
So sorry W! It's so hard to have all of these things happen at once. Last year, MH and I were living in different states for 6 months. It was hard, really hard, but do-able. Keeping up with consistent communication was huge, and making sure that we made time to hear about each others day helped make us feel more connected.
If you know you need to be home, I say do it. I have definitely moved to places where I just couldn't feel comfortable no matter how much I tried.
Hi W Im sending you lots of hugs. I lived apart from MH for several months when he got a job 3 hours away. I really struggled with relocating for him. He had to call the landlord to tell him we were moving because I refused. In the end, the distance actually helped our relationship because we hated the time spent apart.
The best advice that I can give is to do what you feel is best for you. If DH is in support of your decision, then I would go for it. Don't second guess your gut feelings.
Post by longhornwino0907 on Mar 12, 2015 15:05:09 GMT -5
I have no advice, but I wanted to give you huge, creepy internet ((hugs)). This has to be a tough decision to make, and I wish you all the luck in the world.
Post by kellybenelly83 on Mar 12, 2015 15:08:29 GMT -5
I'm so sorry Whitney, what a tough decision to face, but we'll support you in whatever you do. I cant offer any practical advice but I wish you all the best.
Married 10/10/10! TTC Baby #1 since April 2014 BFP Oct 16 - EP terminated Nov 6 2014 Off the Bench January 2015! BFP #2 June 1 2015 - EDD Feb 12 2016! Baby Boy born 15th February 2016!
No advice here, but lots of hugs - I'm so sorry you're going through so much stress, but I think it sounds like you are approaching this in the right way and I'm glad to hear that your husband is supportive of you if you choose to move back to Ohio.
Post by ghostmonkey on Mar 12, 2015 15:10:54 GMT -5
It can be what you make of it. MN to OH isn't a horribly far distance, so visits are an option.
Come up with a set time that you will talk to each other at a minimum. It's so easy to push it off and then things come up and it doesn't happen. Other communication is always open, but have a set time. If it needs to change because of work schedules, then work with it, but have one planned phone date a week.
It can be what you make of it. MN to OH isn't a horribly far distance, so visits are an option.
Come up with a set time that you will talk to each other at a minimum. It's so easy to push it off and then things come up and it doesn't happen. Other communication is always open, but have a set time. If it needs to change because of work schedules, then work with it, but have one planned phone date a week.
That's a great idea. I'm definitely someone that lives off of plans and timelines, so this would be a good way to ensure we keep our relationship fresh.
Facetiming or skype will be a huge help too. I loved being able to see MH while we talked.
Post by LadyNymeria on Mar 12, 2015 15:16:35 GMT -5
W - I can't give you any advice, but I just wanted to send (hugs) your way. That's a lot to handle, especially all at once and I'm sorry you've had to deal with any of those situations, especially all at once.
No experience or advice, but sending you lots and lots of hugs. You need to do what is best for you, and it sounds like YH is supportive, which is wonderful. Wishing you both the best.
Post by thelittleredm on Mar 12, 2015 15:19:23 GMT -5
DH and I met the month before I left NM for college and were married about halfway through college. He joined the Army but I still had school left out of state so I was in MT while he was in GA. The summer he was first at his post, I had an internship in NM and couldn't join him. We didn't really live together until I graduated from college and even then, we were separated when he had training out of state and so I moved back to NM until it was completed. Then, about five months later, he was deployed (beginning of 2013). This is the first year we will be together for the entire 365 days since we met. It's hard and it can be awful sometimes, but it wasn't the end of the world even if it sometimes felt like it.
Post by SheilaTheTank on Mar 12, 2015 15:19:44 GMT -5
I'm so sorry your going through all this. I'm glad your husband is being supportive of your decision. You need to do what's best for you, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
I do have some experience with this, though H and I were not married at the time but had been dating and living together for 4 years. I took a job in FL because H had said he always wanted to move down there. I went fully expecting him to join me when he graduated grad school in a year. I knew noone when I moved and my job required a lot of travel with the closest office being in the next state. It was lonely and I hated the heat. Four months in he told me over the phone he no longer wanted to move down there. We ended up taking a break for while which solidified our relationship once we got back together and I moved back home.
During those first four months we made it a point to talk every day and to share something everyday. Skype also helps immensely and we would send each other video messages. We would also send each other care packages of silly little things we found or stuff we had around the house. The separation, though hard, may be necessary to clear you head and get you into a better state of mind mentally. If you ever need to talk PM me. *hugs*
Post by anonymouseliza on Mar 12, 2015 15:20:06 GMT -5
I have not, but my brother and his wife have and currently are. They were both active duty army and now she's left and is doing an MS in OT at NYU and he is doing an MA in something like public policy at Georgetown as part of his new assignment. Last year, they were separated for 8 months for different trainings.
Basically, they make the most of their time together, and work as many weekends in as possible. They take turns traveling back and forth between NY and DC. Spend a lot of time texting/FTimg/Skyping. But they also take advantage to see their friends and pursue their separate interests. It's an interesting balance they maintain, but it seems to be working well for them atm.
Post by mustloveerica on Mar 12, 2015 15:30:02 GMT -5
I have never lived away from DH. I like my time apart from him when I travel but that's only a day or so at a time. I don't really have any advice to offer you but...
I only lived away from DH when we were in college, before we were married. We talked on the phone several times a week and made weekend trips when I could take the time off (I worked and took classes in the summer, he worked retail). It was tough, but it was good for us in the end.
So sorry to hear all this, W. Creepy internet hugs to you and I'll give you what advice I have.
For a while, I was known as the long-distance queen. My ex and I were dating all throughout college going to separate colleges 6 hours away. We didn't make it, but not because of distance. Then, when DH and I started dating, we were again 6 hours away by car and then I moved to Scotland. I did my masters degree there, so we were 6 hours away by plane at best. I lived there for a year before returning back to finally move-in with him. Thus, the first two years of our relationship were long-stance by far. We had just started dating, but we were best friends before that, so we were pretty serious pretty fast.
As PPs suggested, just keeping an open line of communication is pivotal. Everytime I've done distance, I pretty much made my SO the first person I texted in the morning and the last person. However, we had a set time every day to talk/have a lengthier conversation. Even if it only lasted 20 mins, hearing his voice was so important. When I was in Scotland, my MIL was sweet and bought us both web-cams. Skype became a critical part of our day. We had the time change to worry about so I'd Skype him before bed my time, which was before he went out for the evening his time. First thing in the morning for me was often when he was going to bed (he was in undergrad-- DH is younger than me). Seeing him and being able to see body language and facial expressions made me feel so much more connected to him.
Don't forget to use snail mail. Getting something in the mail never gets old and it became a sort of excitement to get a letter once in a while. It kept things alive and sexy even when we couldn't be near each other.
We never left each other physically without knowing when the next time we would see each other would be. That countdown was important for both of us. The one time we "didn't know" I broke down right before he left and we booked a flight that day.
We tried to read a book or watch a show-- so we kept up hobbies and did things "together" still even if we didn't do them at the same time.
I had and always will have one rule.... fights will happen-- distance doesn't change that. However, what keeps the relationship going is communication. We tried to never leave a conversation angry. It wasn't always possible, but we made a super huge effort to not sever the line of communication regarding issues. Sometimes we'd need to let each other cool off, but if the other called back, we didn't just avoid or ignore. When you don't have the physical proximity and reassurance, acknowledging and recognizing each other's desire to reach out becomes so much more important.
In reality, distance makes you closer. It's not because you miss them, but because you learn how to communicate that much better. Sometimes I feel like we've regressed since we were long distance-- we take our close proximity for granted and forget to communicate. So, my advice is to breathe. Make a plan on when to talk and when to see each other, and enjoy the benefits of distance (however few). It was nice to go where I wanted and do what I wanted-- make what I wanted for dinner and watch the movie I wanted. Obviously I would have rather been WITH him, but you make the best of it.
Just remember, this too shall pass. My hunch is you'll be stronger for it. Luck and hugs.
Met 06/27/2004. Fell in love 09/30/2005. Adopted our pups 7/08 & 2/10. Bought a house 12/29/10. Married 10/8/11. TTC Baby #1 December 2014. BFP 4/16/2015 EDD 12/25/2015 DD Born 12/28/2015
Post by blueteamcaboose on Mar 12, 2015 15:45:02 GMT -5
I don't go here often so I don't really know anyone, but I digress. Sorry to hear about all the difficulties you're facing! DH and I lived apart for a year while we were dating, starting about 6 months into the relationship. We did lots of Skype dates, wrote lots of letters, and flew to visit each other as often as we could. Hope everything works out for you, good luck and positive vibes your way.
First of all, all the super creepy internet stranger (((hugs))) to you W. I'm so sorry you are going through all of this at once.
MH & I were long distance for about 7 months when we were dating. This was early in our relationship, so it's really not the same thing, but I do think it's doable. He did also travel quite a bit for work in 2013-14 and would only be home for a day or two at a time before going back out on the road, so it was almost like we were living apart. It always helped me to know there was an end in sight, whether it was a scheduled visit or especially having the final date as to when the distance thing would be over. When he was working on the road, not knowing when he would go out, for how long, or how long he was going to be stay with job was just really hard on us (that is ultimately why he left it). I will echo what PP said about having a set time to communicate, whether it be phone, text, skype, facetime, etc. Reschedule if need be for work or other plans, but make sure you are making up for it some other way that day. The facetime type calls are the best, because you kind of feel like you "saw" each other. We didn't do that as much the time he was traveling for work as we did when dating, and I noticed a difference in how I felt. It's really important.
Anyway, I'm kind of rambling, but again big (((hugs))) to you. I'm sorry you have to make this tough decision, along with everything else on your plate. I know you'll do what's right for you and your husband, though.
Post by diamondsndaisies on Mar 12, 2015 15:47:28 GMT -5
Oh W, I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I don't have any solid advice for you other than that you are an intelligent, strong woman and you will figure this out. My BIL is full-time national guard and has been gone for months at a time from my sister and their 3 kids. Its hard, and she definitely has needed my family as a support system to help out and vent and cry to. So, moving home close to family will be good for that. Also, making sure to keep in touch with DH on a daily basis is important to keeping your relationship close while you are so far apart. Please just know that this is all 2nd-hand knowledge from my sister, so I can only relate on a limited basis.
Would it be financially possible for you to see each other at least once a month? I know with DH and my schedule being opposite there are some weeks that we see each other only to sleep. This is nothing compared to being hundreds of miles away but we have to use some of the same techniques just on a smaller scale. I just know that we have to make a point to make each other a priority when possible.
I will be thinking about you and I know I may not be on top of the list of people you can confide in, but know Im always here to talk if you need it. (I hope that didn't come across too creepy, but I hope you understand my intentions)
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have personal experience living away from my husband but a close friend of mine has several times and she always said that staying close to her family during those times was crucial. That's unfortunately all the advice I have to offer but I really hope that you are doing OK through this process and I'm sending hugs.
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