Hugs Whitney! I loved away from H for 6 months and it was super hard. We were lucky and still saw each other frequently but it is hard to live away from your SO. Good luck and sending all the hugs to you.
We were not married, but my husband and I were long distance dating for... ever? Something like four years, I think
What we did:
- every other or every three weekends one person would visit. We traded off on who traveled. I don't know far you'd be, but we were four hours mostly (at times seven hours).
- call every night after 9pm. No pressure to answer, but one of us would call. Sometimes we talked awhile, sometimes it was brief, sometimes I was asleep.
Many have noticed I've been absent. It started with my increasing panic attacks (mostly from my OCD), then DH dropped the bomb that he wasn't sure about TTC anymore, then my grandfather died, and now I've lost my job.
Just as the title suggest, I'm thinking of moving back home to Ohio while DH finishes his contract here in MN (18 months left). This would require us to postpone TTC for a minimum of 18 months. After 20 months at it already, I've just about given up at this point anyway.
As many know, my boss was let go from Target, therefore I am no longer needed as a nanny. I have a job until March 27th. The weird part about all of this is that I had actually just begun talking to DH about how I would like to move back home in August, when my work contract was up, to live with my grandma and help her since my grandfather passed. She is legally blind and has dialysis 3x a week.
I shouldn't have moved to MN. I know DH needed the support, but as much as I try to lie to myself and others - I haven't enjoyed it as a whole. I have tried to convince myself this is where I should be, but it isn't. MN in beautiful and I have definitely grown as a person, but I know in my gut that this was the wrong decision. I want to be with my family and I want to teach in Ohio.
Now that this is all out there, I'm feeling a bit vulnerable. Only DH truly knows my hate for moving away. He is being 100% supportive in my decision to move home.
Now for my question after rambling on about my shitty situation - has anyone ever lived away from their DH? (Obviously military included)
So glad to hear YH is supportive! I lived about 3 hrs away from DH for a year from when we got engaged to about 2 weeks before we got married. It was a challenge but doable - we saw each other every 3 weeks or so. DH also spent 9 months in Afghanistan which was stressful for obviously reasons but oddly easier at the same time. I found the biggest thing was to communicate but not through constant all day texting. We'd send each other the odd miss you, or love you and good night texts but would call every other day or so and have a real conversation. We really made an effort to drive and see each other as often as possible with work/life schedules. Re: intimacy - sexy skyping
Post by mtnmomma13 on Mar 12, 2015 21:08:32 GMT -5
Totally lurking but I wanted to a say DH and I did the long distance thing for 6 years. From aug to May he would be in Europe and I was here. Did it suck? Yes. But I really think we are stronger for it.
W, I just want to tell you how sorry I am that things didn't work out the way we all hoped they would for you. I know that doesn't make it better, but you and your husband are a strong couple that can face this challenge and help each other through. You made such a brave decision to move to MN with him and now to move back to OH without him, and there is no doubt in my mind that you will continue to be resilient. It won't always be easy, of course, but a year and a half will pass by before you know it.
I lived apart from my fiancé for 2 months back in college and away from my current husband for about 6 months total. It will be even worse if he gets this new job, which he probably will, because he will be gone to God knows where for 75% of the year. I honestly will not know where he is. During the other circumstances, we skyped a few times a week, sent dirty pictures and texts, emailed updates, and talked on the phone before bed every night. We would switch off visiting each other every 2 weeks, by plane. How far of a drive is MN to OH? Would it be more expensive to drive or fly? I haven't read the other responses yet, so please forgive me if this is redundant. I don't think you absolutely need to put TTC on hold completely, but if that is what you both want, then that's fine too. I am just saying that maybe you can squeeze in a visit during FW either in MN or OH. Again, that is a totally personal decision.
I really feel for you, Whitney, and I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could do anything to make this all go away. ((HUGS))
Post by akraus2015 on Mar 12, 2015 21:34:00 GMT -5
W, I took a bit of a break for the last week or so, so I'm a little bit out of the loop, but I wanted to send some hugs your way.
I lived away from my fiancé for a year while we decided whether or not we were going to get married, and I found it to be a liberating, wonderful experience that helped me figure out who I was as a person.
I don't know what is best for you in your situation, and I didn't read all the PP and don't have a ton of background knowledge on your situation, but I work in educational leadership and have several connections in Ohio, both in Cincinnati and Cleveland. Feel free to send a PM if that's the direction that you decide to go.
Hey Whitney! Huge hugs, I haven't been around much lately and I'm sorry all this happened! DH and I were apart for a long time, more than a year and it sucked. Now, people tell us we are weird but we talked at least 3-4 times/ day, just checking in when he would wake up, usually around lunch, evening, and then before bedtime. We used Skype/FaceTime a lot, but we would often plan our skype dates. We saw each other about once a month and we were a plane ride away. Hopefully, with you feeling more settled back at home will ease the transition. Bonus is more time for drinking threads on TCF!
The longest I've been apart from my H was 6 weeks, so I don't have a lot of advice. But huge, huge hugs for all you're going through right now. I'm so sorry about this rough time and I hope things get easier soon.
First off, very sorry your going through all of this. <Hugs>
When I met my husband I also met my best friend. My husband has been friends with this couple since college. They got married a couple of years ago. They have never lived together. Lots of family drama keeps them from moving into a house they built. (well partially built) They are still married, never lived together. They get together often, and spend the night at either her house, his parents house or her deceased grandparents house that she helps take care of. My point is it is a different situation, but it works for them. Sorry I rambled. Not everyone lives with their spouses. It is what ever works for you. If your family needs you know hopefully he will understand that.
Married DH 09/21/13 BCP 08/08-02/12, 01/13-08/14 Paragard 02/16-? TTC#1 August '14 1st BFP 3/9/15! EDD: 11/17/15 Emma Rose born 11/26/15 (Thanksgiving!)
Big hugs, Whitney. I know I haven't been around here much lately, but I hate that you're going through so much right now. If you need me, you know how to find me (especially if you do end up back in Ohio).
No advice, here, but I hope you guys can figure out something that works for you both.
I don't have any advice, but wanted to send you all the hugs and good thoughts from one Ohio girl to another. That's a tough situation, but you just have to do what you think is best for you, your relationship with your DH, and your future. Good luck!
I am so sorry you are going through this. I have done the distance thing with my husband, and it is very hard. My husband also broke his phone the first time he left for a month, so talking to him for the 3 weeks was non-existent. It does get easier, but it is still incredibly hard.
I hate hearing about people going through things like this. I really hope everything works out for you both.
::Hugs::
P.s- We are always here if you need to vent, bitch, or cry.
I'm a lurker, but I have some experience here, so I wanted to comment.
First, I'm sorry about all the stress. That's a lot to take in over a short period of time.
Let me preface this by saying I have no idea about the strength or dynamics of your relationship. But if it were me, I wouldn't move away from my husband for 18 months.
I was married (what I consider) very young at 22. About 2 years into our marriage, my then husband got a great job offer about 3 hours away. I was in grad school, so didn't want to relocate. He took the job and we saw each other on weekends.
In retrospect, we were so young and clueless about our relationship and didn't even recognize the problems, issues and red flags (or didn't have the maturity to confront them) in our marriage. These problems were quickly exacerbated by the distance and we divorced within a year. Now, 10 years later, part of me wonders if I subconsciously knew all this and that was why I encouraged him to take the job.
I know enough about myself now to know I'd never function well without physically sharing a space and life with my husband, especially during a time of high stress. I tend to withdraw and turn inward. Long distance for 18 months would be terrible for my relationship.
I don't know your whole story, but it sounds like a lot of changes and stress over a short period of time. And I don't know you, but I'd really encourage you to question whether you are running away from it? It sounds cheesy, but I'd consider turning to your relationship during this time (is your husband is capable of that kind of support?), rather than returning home.
Anyway, that's my two cents. Clearly, many people are capable of making long-distance work. If you do go that route, I'd encourage you to have clear expectations and communication.
I wish you lots of luck.
Ps- I'm in Minneapolis - sad week with the Target layoffs!
DH and I were looking at living in different states due to work for awhile. It ended up not happening, but I know how stressful the decision is.
When my dad was sick the last few months of his life, I was back home for about 8 weeks and DH was at our house with our animals. It's stressful, but doable. I know how important family is, and it's just a temporary absence.
5 years TTC 2 c/p's 2 failed IUIs/1 cancelled IVF 1 failed IVF 1 failed FET BFP 12/1/15. We said goodbye to Tiny 1/4/16 Fresh cycle #3 2/16 8R/7M/5F BFP 5/12/16 We said goodbye to flutter on 5/27 and poprock on 5/28 BFP 8/30/16 We said goodbye to Samuel 10/3 (Trisomy 16) Moving on to Donor Embryos BFP 12/20/16 We said goodbye to Turtle 12/30
Post by ashleyinva on Mar 13, 2015 10:16:45 GMT -5
Here to offer hugs. The thing that kept us going was knowing there was an end, and we would be together. The separation has an expiration. Communicate, and don't be afraid to get help if you need it.
I'm so very sorry that you haven't been happy where you are. Good for you for taking charge and making such a hard decision. I'm glad your H is supportive. I'm sure your grandmother will be very thankful for your help. When my H and I were in college, he was held hostage in his house by a robber with a gun for several hours then his car was stolen. He terminated the lease with that house then decided to move in with his grandmother and commute to school every day. He says that was the best decision he's ever made. She passed away almost two years after and he has the best memories from living with her. It was an awful situation that put him there but he is so happy that it turned out the way he did. I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make. Hugs to you.
Then Comes Family, LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising
program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.