Post by squeakyduck on Mar 12, 2015 15:55:18 GMT -5
My H and I were long distance before we got married, which is different, but our two big rules were that we'd talk on the phone every day, even if it was just to say hi, I love you, bye. And another one was that we never drank with just one member of the opposite sex. We drank in groups if we were drinking with anyone of the opposite sex. We trusted each other, but knew too many people who's relationships had been ruined by alcohol and gossip. No point inviting trouble, and it wasn't a difficult thing to do, since we both mostly just drank with our roommates.
Sorry Whit, this has got a tough decision. But I love that your husband is supporting you in this. You two can work it out to where it's not so bad. We're always here when you need us.
Post by housecarder on Mar 12, 2015 16:16:13 GMT -5
I've had long distance work and not work. It definitely is what you make it. Make time for each other and keep communication open. Having your family for support will help too. Sending hugs and hoping it all works out in your favor and that you are stronger for it.
Post by ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ on Mar 12, 2015 16:21:35 GMT -5
W, this makes my heart hurt. You've been dealt an awful hand lately, and we're going to be here for you while you figure this shit out!
I have minor experience in that while we were engaged, MH and I lived apart for 6 months (~8 hrs away). I think we visited each other 3 or 4 times. Things that I learned:
1. He and I don't necessarily value the same exact things when it comes to being apart, so it was an important conversation to have about a month in. I had to tell him that it was important for me to have meaningful conversation at least once a week. We had quick convos every day, but I wanted there to be some conversations where it wasn't just about what we ate, who we saw, etc. Sometimes this was just reminiscing the past or fantasizing about the future - something that could put a big smile on our faces.
2. I didn't always want to Skype/Gchat. Sometimes I just wanted to text or call. However, a couple times we watched a movie together while Gchatting to catch each others' reactions. It was fun.
3. Something we enjoyed doing was coming up with fun things to do together when the other visited. Concerts, new restaurants, games, etc. It kept us preoccupied, if necessary.
4. He valued choosing a time to call and sticking with it. I was a little more "go with the flow," so that was something I had to work on.
5. Random pictures or letters or texts were always so fun to give and receive!
You can do this. It sounds like your gut has been right all along, and now it's time to act. The fact that he is 100% supportive is such a huge first step. Imagine if he wasn't.
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
We've thought about this before, and I feel lucky we haven't had to do distance as a couple... But, I think that sometimes it is definitely the right answer, even if it is hard. I'm confident you can make it work, if you decide it is what you need to do.
TTC #1 since August 2013 DX: Endo November 2014: Hysteroscopy, D&C June - September 2015: Clomid + Novarel + IUI #1-3 January 2017: Laparoscopy - endo removed
I have no good advice. MH and I lived apart about a year, but only a couple hours, so weekend visits were options. I just want to give you a big hug and say I'm sorry life has been dealing you some shitty hands lately. Know that we're all here for you. I hope you and your H can come to a plan that you're both ok with.
Engaged May 2003 Married June 2005 TTC #1 since October 2014 H-1% morph, low motility, low count Me-.1 AMH levels, low AFC, DOR/POI, perimenopause Foster Care journey begins March 2016-licensed 11/7/16 Foster parents to A & J 1/31/17 www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5525ef
Whit, I'm so so sorry for all that you've been through. I'm military, and my husband has 1 9 month deployment under his belt and is getting ready for another in November. All the while, we're struggling with TTC and looking toward IF testing. I get where you're coming from, at least on the struggling with TTC and living apart front.
Work at it as hard as you can, being apart is so difficult, its easy to lose sight of "we" things when you're really just worrying about being an "I". Work every day at staying close. It will not be easy, but you can totally make it through this!
IUI 1-3 BFN IVF #1 - Oct '15 - 10R, 3M, 0F IVF #2 - August 16 - 12R, 11M, 5F. 1 to transfer and 2 to freeze - BFP!! - MMC caught at 7w5d FET #1 - 1/26 - BFP, due 10/14
Just here to give you so many hugs. I'm sorry that things are so hard right now. That is a whole lot to be dealing with, but I'm glad that your H is being supportive, and that you will be with your family and have a good support system in OH. And of course, we are all here for you while you get this worked out.
Post by ttcminicofer on Mar 12, 2015 17:42:19 GMT -5
I am so sorry things have been crazy for you. I currently am living away from my SO while I'm getting treatments for a year. He visits as much as he can, but I have found FaceTime and phone calls to really help with missing each other. I hope things start settling down for you and getting easier. ((Hugs))
Post by PiradicalMaid on Mar 12, 2015 18:29:21 GMT -5
I don't have advice, but also wanted to offer support. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this, but I am impressed and happy that you are working to do what feels right and best for you, even when it's not easy. I think it's great that you can take care of yourself and listen to your gut. Wishing you all the best in this new chapter
Post by GoBigOrGoGnome on Mar 12, 2015 18:34:54 GMT -5
Huge hugs W. I lived apart from my husband for 5 months last year while he was still trying to find a job in the location I'd relocated to. It can definitely take a toll on "closeness" if you don't prioritize communication, but there are so many ways to make it work these days. I'm a talker so we talked on the phone pretty much once a day and did Skype or FaceTime maybe once a week. The hardest part for me was not having the whole bed to myself when we started living together again.
I'm sorry for all the things you've been going through the stress you've been under. Hopefully, moving back to OH will help to alleviate some of that. I'm sure you and your H will find a new routine that works for you. Good luck!
I've been trying to think of what to say and not coming up with the right words, but I wanted to express my support for you guys.
While I haven't lived apart from my husband for any time, my parents were often apart because of the military when I was younger. They...didn't do well with it. They didn't communicate well and being essentially a single mother took a huge toll on my mom during the years we didn't live with my dad. When he did visit, they would get snippy with each other and easily frustrated/irritated. They went through a huge rough patch that nearly resulted in a divorce; luckily, they fought tooth and nail to save their marriage and our family -- I'm immensely proud and inspired by them to similarly fight for my relationships.
That all said, I wanted to echo PPs and put yet another emphasis on communication. I know that a lot of the reason my parents had trouble was because they didn't feel like they were being heard by the other person and were isolated from their support systems (we've never lived near either of my parents' families). You've gone through a lot already this year and making the difficult choice to move home without your husband is nothing to sneeze at. I wish you both the best and know you'll both do what is best for the two of you. <3
Post by BurritosAtEveryMeal on Mar 12, 2015 18:54:20 GMT -5
Goodness, that sounds like quite a lot of big life changes to deal with at once. I don't have advice on living away since I have never been apart from DH, but I wish you the best of luck. Family is so important and so is honest communication. I'm sure you'll find your new rhythm.
Post by juliayadda on Mar 12, 2015 19:02:21 GMT -5
Big Hugs Whitney... That is a big decision. I hope moving home gives you some peace, and give you more hugs for having to live away from your H for so long.
I have nothing to add in terms of advice, but I just want to offer some support/Internet hugs. I'm so sorry for all of these huge changes to be happening all at once. I hope being close to the rest of your family will be a comfort to you while you sort out all of these feelings.
O Whitney, so much has happened for you in such a short time. I am sending you such huge hugs right now.
I definitely think if your husband is supportive of it and you can find a way to make it work moving back to be with family right now is probably a good decision. I don't have much more advice than that but I think all of the ladies in this thread have pretty well covered it. I'll be thinking of you
No advice, just here to offer support! Good for you for doing what is something you need to do for yourself and I'm glad your husband supports your decision. Best of luck!
MrsRC-33, MrRC-37. TTC#1 since 2/13. DX: T2 diet controlled diabetic, removed multiple fibroids blocking tubes, via robotic myomectomy, hysteroscopy and D&C on 5/15. CD3 b/w normal. HSG normal after surgery. On the bench April-June 2015. NTNP indefinitely. Loss mentioned.
Post by swivelchair5 on Mar 12, 2015 19:39:19 GMT -5
My friends who were living apart for a while would leave skype on for a few hours on the weekend while they just did chores around their apartments or cooked dinner.
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