The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.
Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.
How are you doing?
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched)
Diagnosis (if applicable)
Updates/questions
Debbie downer (a place to vent)
GTKY: What is one nice thing you have done for yourself recently?
**Since this is our first check-in, if you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!
Loss history: I've had one natural miscarriage in February at 10 weeks. My midwife thinks the baby died around 8 weeks. I had a second loss about a month ago, this time a CP.
How are you doing? Meh. Usually I'm ok, but with my EDD coming up next month and this second pregnancy being a cp I'm all over the place.
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTA for emotional reasons.
Diagnosis (if applicable) None
Updates/questions: I need to get my ass to a doctor for RPL testing. I really don't want to though. I feel like when I do it will be the last nail in the coffin for accepting all of this really happened.
Debbie downer (a place to vent): **other people's children mentioned**
My ex's girlfriend just had their baby, 5 weeks early. Was not expecting that to be on my Instagram yesterday, so that sucks. My sister is also probably going to pop any day now. And my first EDD is next month. I'm a whole bag of emotions.
I also haven't found a job and I'm getting nervous. It is certainly not helping my stress levels. Thank god for new kitten.
GTKY: What is one nice thing you have done for yourself recently? I had a girls weekend with some ladies from GKU and got a kitten. It really has helped. Kitten snuggles are the best.
Diagnosis (if applicable): I had a PMP (partial molar pregnancy) this spring, so I'm still dealing with the aftermath of that. Supposedly my chances of a repeat are higher than those who haven't had one.
{Other peoples babies mentioned} SO MANY BABIES are in my life right now. All my friends/family with babies have been visiting this month. Outwardly I'm fine but I think somewhere on a subconscious level it's getting to me because I've just felt off and kind of down all of the time :/
GTKY: What is one nice thing you have done for yourself recently? I bought 3 new shirts at Target They are loose and forgiving of the extra weight I gained over the summer. The last thing I want is to go back to school in the fall and have students think "oh, she's pregnant again!"
My story: I was TTC for 8 cycles before I got my first bfp. 10 week ultrasound was normal. 15 week doppler we heard a healthy heartbeat so we figured we were out of the woods. I told my work, students, family that we were expecting. 20 week appointment there was no heartbeat and doctor suspected a PMP due to the large cystic placenta. D&C the following day and have been monitoring my hCG levels ever since. PMPs and molar pregnancies carry the rare risk of developing into cancer. The placenta is cystic/tumorous and produces a lot of hCG. The best way to make sure the cells are gone is to monitor the hCG down to 0. If it plateaus or goes up then they know the tissue is growing again and a follow-up d&c and/or chemo (methotrexate) is required. Once your levels hit 0 you have to wait anywhere from 3-12 months to TTC again in order to make sure the tissue is gone for good. The risk is if you conceive too quickly they will not know for some time if your rising hCG levels are due to a new pregnancy or cancerous tissue churning out hCG. It depends on your situation and your doctor's recommendation.
Diagnosis (if applicable) MTHFR, PCOS, still no known reason for the losses, though.
Updates/questions Last week I had an appointment with my doctor and we got a general plan in place for next time I get pregnant. So hopefully that will help.
Debbie downer (a place to vent) **Trigger warning, pregnancies**
{lots of whining}I woke up to a text from my sister that she's headed to the hospital because she's in labor (with her second). Then another that nope, not yet. I don't particularly get along with her and I'm just bitter and not really that happy for her. Yeah, I know that's bad or whatever, but I really don't feel like I should have to be happy for everyone that gets pregnant. The last time I talked to her, she called me on my birthday to bitch about being pregnant and how she was really hoping it would take her longer to get pregnant because it's just so inconvenient for her right now and oh yeah, happy birthday. But to make it that much better, my SIL B is also due (with her second) in a week or so and SIL E is due (with her first) in about a month. I'm just bitter. I've been trying to have a baby since before any of them even met their spouses. And here I am empty handed. It's going to be a long couple of months.
GTKY: What is one nice thing you have done for yourself recently? I got drunk? I don't know. I'm terrible at doing nice things for myself.
rablissful, my EDD is the end of this month. I'm so sorry for all of the emotions that come up as you approach the EDD. It is hard not to compare where you are now with where you thought you'd be by now. It sucks. ((hugs))
danib so many hugs lady. Everything is crossed for you that you will get another miracle baby like DS. I definitely prescribe you going out to do something for yourself, even if it's just some retail therapy or a pedicure!
mosdub I can't imagine how hard it is to have to wait so. freaking. long before you can start trying again. Nevermind all the tall of possible chemo. You are so strong! Facing EDDs are the worst, why do you think I got a kitten?
Hi ladies. I'm glad we have this checkin (obviously wish we didn't have to have it at all). I have hardly anyone IRL to talk to about TTC with and especially not my loss. I had a CP in March. While we were on vacation for a friend's wedding. I swept it under the rug while we were there and did the best I could to "cheer up" since no one but H knew what was going on, and then I came back was ok and then about a month later got so, so sad. We've been trying for about a year and I'm AMA so it's all a ball of stress. And that feeling of being *so close* haunts me. I had no idea how much it would affect me, even though I barely even got used to the idea that I was KU in the first place.
How are you doing? I'm very relaxed for some reason this month, though we plan to move to IUI and that stresses me out (scheduling everything and timing mostly).
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched) TTC
Diagnosis (if applicable) none, tho MH had initial SA and it was abysmal. He needs to re-do before we try IUI, but he's not dealing well.
Updates/questions
Debbie downer (a place to vent) ***trigger warning***
One of my bffs has two kids, including a 10mo, who is still BF, she and her H were not sure about more kids and she's a little overwhelmed as the primary caregiver (he travels a LOT for work). She's been feeling sick and has a massive fibroid. She went to doc a couple months ago, they did u/s, no baby, said fibroid was issue. She went for pre-op consult to take care of fibroid. She's 11weeks pregnant. I love her and she's been the one person who I can talk to in real life, she's very supportive and really I'd have lost my mind already without her. But...ouch.
GTKY: What is one nice thing you have done for yourself lately? Spending more time at the barn. Sometimes it's the only thing that gets me out of a funk. I'm also taking Friday off this week be a friend is in town and has a free hotel room with rooftop pool so I'm just gonna be a bum with her and eat a ridiculously awesome meal or two and enjoy some girl time.
TTC since July 2014. CP March 2015. IVF #1 March 2016, 5R, 3M, 2F with ICSI. Transferred 2 on day 3. CP. Surprise BFP and then CP August 2016 (prep cycle for IVF). IVF #2: zero eggs retrieved IVF #3: 6R, 5M, 5F, 3 (2 8A and 1 11A) transferred, one "B" graded embryo frozen on day 5. BFP (at home 7dp3dt, confirmed 14dp3dt with 1552 beta) and U/S at 5w5d, 2 sacs and 2 yolks!
My Story: I'm 25 and DH is 26. We started TTC #1 just after Thanksgiving 2014. I got my BFP on Memorial Day. At my first US at 6w6d, I found out that I would likely miscarry. The doctor said that I looked like I was only about 4 weeks, so the baby never really grew. I had a natural MC 2 days later. My doctor said we didn't have to wait at all to try again, so we began actively TTC again right away.
How are you doing? Eh. Some days I think I'm okay, but other days I know I'm not. It's hard to be genuinely happy in this situation.
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched) TTC
Diagnosis (if applicable) None
Updates/questions I finally got my first post-MC AF last week. So we're just going to keep on keeping on!
Debbie downer (a place to vent) **trigger**other people's pregnancies mentioned
{Spoiler-Whining}My BFF is due 2.5 weeks after my EDD. It's so freaking hard to deal with that. Not only did I lose my baby, which is painful enough, but I also lost out on being pregnant with my best friend, having our babies so close, and everything that goes along with it. I haven't texted her much since she told me, and I feel like a terrible friend. It's just hard to deal. And I feel bad for her because she doesn't want to rub it in my face, so she hasn't contacted me much either. Ugh.
GTKY: What is one nice thing you have done for yourself recently? I got my first ever pedicure a couple weeks ago. And I bought myself some new clothes this weekend.
pbandj714 my cousin who I am really close with was due only 3 months before my EDD and one of my coworkers was due the same month as my EDD. It sucks. I'm sorry.
Post by notagoddess on Aug 11, 2015 8:44:16 GMT -5
rablissful, thanks for organizing this. I really appreciate it. I am super busy at work today, but I am looking forward to participating more in future weeks.
Into: I am 30, H is 32. After several months of preparation (doctor's appointments, medication adjustments, reading TCOYF, starting fertility charting), I got my IUD removed 1 year ago today.
I got pregnant on my second cycle trying. The first few weeks of my pregnancy were uneventful. I had the usual nausea and exhaustion, but I didn't mind because I was so thankful to be carrying a child. I couldn't believe how lucky I was.
At 9 weeks, I experienced some heavy bleeding with clots. I went to the ER, where they said that even with the bleeding, things were looking good. I got to see my baby and the heartbeat was strong. They said it was a low risk situation, all things considered.
The next few days I continued to experience bleeding on and off. I had the follow up appointment a week later. This time, there was no heartbeat. I got this news at 10 weeks and 1 day. It seems the baby had stopped growing a few days before.
I had a D&C a day later. During the D&C, the doctor saw that my uterus had some abnormalities. Over the next few cycles, I had a bunch of testing done. Ultimately, they diagnosed a uterine septum, which I had removed in February.
They tested the fetus. It was a girl with no chromosomal abnormalities. I constantly imagine my life with a baby girl in it. I think about her every day.
How are you doing? I'm functioning fine. Emotionally, I am somewhat stuck in the pain of the loss, and in the fear that I will never become a mother.
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched) TTC. 5th cycle AL now.
Diagnosis (if applicable) Uterine septum which has been resected.
Updates/questions: See above.
Debbie downer (a place to vent): See above
GTKY: What is one nice thing you have done for yourself recently? I've been getting massages once a month through a membership program. I'm quitting, though, because I'm leaving work soon.
Post by LadyNymeria on Aug 11, 2015 8:57:04 GMT -5
**current active loss mentioned** (not sure if that was necessary, just thought I'd err on the side of caution)
How are you doing?: I'm getting really frustrated. 2 failed rounds of misoprostol over the weekend and while I finally started cramping on my own late yesterday afternoon a 3rd round of misoprostol also failed. The fact that I can't get this over with is making everything feel worse because I can tell the best thing for me right now would be to get back to trying ASAP and the longer it takes for my body to do what it needs to, the longer away trying again will be. At this point every day I'm waiting for the m/c to complete feels like an eternity.
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched until my m/c completes plus one full cycle.
Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a
Updates/questions: For those that unfortunately had a D&C, how long did your dr make you wait before trying again? I'm starting to worry that I'll end up with one anyway since the misoprostol isn't working too well and I'd hate to have to wait even more than the one full cycle.
Debbie downer (a place to vent): Nothing more than what I already put under "how are you doing".
GTKY: What is one nice thing you have done for yourself recently? I'm booking a trip to Aruba. It will be nice to get away for a week. Especially after this.
Since this is week 1 for this thread...this is my first loss. I got my BFP early July and started spotting a couple weeks later. My dr brought me in for an early ultrasound at 7weeks and baby was only measuring 6 with a very slow and irregular heartbeat. At my follow-up ultrasound a week later, baby measured at 6+1 and no longer had a heartbeat.
TTC since July 2014. CP March 2015. IVF #1 March 2016, 5R, 3M, 2F with ICSI. Transferred 2 on day 3. CP. Surprise BFP and then CP August 2016 (prep cycle for IVF). IVF #2: zero eggs retrieved IVF #3: 6R, 5M, 5F, 3 (2 8A and 1 11A) transferred, one "B" graded embryo frozen on day 5. BFP (at home 7dp3dt, confirmed 14dp3dt with 1552 beta) and U/S at 5w5d, 2 sacs and 2 yolks!
Post by notagoddess on Aug 11, 2015 9:04:39 GMT -5
LadyNymeria, I'm sorry you are experiencing the pain of losing your baby along with the frustration that it just won't be over. If you do end up needing a D&C, my doctor benched me for 2 cycles afterward, which I think is pretty standard. I hope you pass everything on your own so that you can get back to TTC sooner.
Post by LadyNymeria on Aug 11, 2015 9:22:11 GMT -5
rablissful - Good luck on the job hunt! Hope the kitten is helping you feel better. It's amazing what cuddles with cute animals can do. mosdub - I'm so sorry you're still dealing with the aftermath of the PMP. I hope your hCG hits zero soon and that you're not benched for too long after that. rablissful and mosdub - I wish you both strength and send lots of hugs for those approaching EDDs.
danib - I really hope you get another surprise BFP that results in your rainbow THB.
@led - Hugs. I'm so sorry your sister is being insensitive. It's possible to be happy for yourself while still being aware and sensitive to what those around you have been through. Definitely time to do something for yourself.
wannabmama - Sorry to hear about the SA results. And I can't imagine having to handle a loss while away for an event like that. It's horrible that any losses happen, but to have to put on a smile immediately has to be rough. Hugs.
pbandj714 - This feels weird to say, but congrats on the post-loss AF. Right now all I can think of is getting to that point. Good luck resuming TTC.
notagoddess - Massages sound like a good way to try to relax. Any way you can keep them up even though your leaving your job? My in-laws sent me a nice check for my b-day last week and I've been thinking of using the money to get a massage. Even if it's just temporary, I imagine it has to be relaxing while you're in there at least.
--snip-- pbandj714, I'm sorry for your loss. Did your doctor recommend waiting a cycle or two, or are you jumping right back in? --snip--
Much to my surprise, my doctor said that we didn't have to wait at all. So we jumped right back into TTC the first cycle after my loss because I knew I'd regret it if we didn't.
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