Well I have to be honest...there are times in my FW that we just can NOT get it going to sex. We're exhausted or just plain not feeling it. Well, mother nature dictates that certain things have to happen at that time if we even want a shot at getting KU...so....we bust out the pr0n to help things along.
Yep, we have done this as well. SO is on a medication for his PTSD that kills his sex drive some nights and is hard for him to stay motivated, which causes problems during the FW, so there has been one night where he started watching porn and continued watching while getting things started and was able to finish without the porn. Porn helps us in the case sometimes. I know he is sexually and physically attracted to me and I don't take offense because I know it is his medication that causes the issues sometimes
I have PTSD as well. I'm usually the one who needs help. The stuff I am on makes achieving orgasm VERY difficult, so I need all the help I can get. And my husband has a hard and fast rule that if he gets off, I need to as well. I like this rule so I'm not about to challenge it!
I agree with most of the previous posters. I think it is wrong and completely disrespectful to forbid your husband to do something. It really pisses me off when women get all pissy about their SO watching porn or going to strip clubs. Personally, I think I'm more into porn then my DH but most of the time we watch it together. It makes for some fun sometimes hilarious sex after/during.
On another note, my sister in law is one of those prude/selfish women that doesn't allow porn in her house and will also withhold sex as a punishment and I know her H has been cheating on her for 4 of the 5 years they have been married. I think they are both wrong but I also think there are some deeper issues going on when a woman feels like she has to forbid something.
I was like that with my first boyfriend. I was fine with porn when he was deployed for obvious reason but when he was home I was the one who said, "no you can't!" And he cheated on me and constantly watched porn. I'm not staying that every man who "isn't allowed" to watch porn will cheat and watch it, but I think when someone is "forbidden" it is more exciting and more of an urge to do that very thing. When I grew up and am now with SO, I could care less and he hardly watches porn. I watch more than him.
Yep, we have done this as well. SO is on a medication for his PTSD that kills his sex drive some nights and is hard for him to stay motivated, which causes problems during the FW, so there has been one night where he started watching porn and continued watching while getting things started and was able to finish without the porn. Porn helps us in the case sometimes. I know he is sexually and physically attracted to me and I don't take offense because I know it is his medication that causes the issues sometimes
I have PTSD as well. I'm usually the one who needs help. The stuff I am on makes achieving orgasm VERY difficult, so I need all the help I can get. And my husband has a hard and fast rule that if he gets off, I need to as well. I like this rule so I'm not about to challenge it!
It's very difficult for him, and I know he gets frustrated with it, but I don't. I would rather he be on his medication and be able to feel good everyday, than to have sex.
Post by beckynsean11 on Jan 27, 2015 10:53:52 GMT -5
Fappy's coming here!!! Think schools would object to random childless adults showing up for the event?
I think it's completely ridiculous for either partner to "forbid" or "ban" any kind of behavior. We're adults. I like porn & masturbation too. I married this man because I trust him implicitly. The only time we've had issues with porn was (a long time ago during a rough patch) when I was in the bedroom waiting for him & I went to see what was keeping him & he was sitting on the computer watching porn & beating off. Don't use it as a replacement for me. If I'm unavailable or he's on the road or needs to jack in a cup for medical reasons, porn it up my friend. We always end up having a good laugh about the porn selection at the RE's office.
TTC since 11/2012, IR-PCOS, weak ovulation, Incompetent Cervix
BFP #1, EDD 3/30/14, M/C on 8/19/13 at 8w D&E 8/21/13 -"Tad"
BFP #2, EDD 9/16/14, IC loss on 4/12/14 at 17w4d-Rowan
BFP #3, EDD 6/20/14, preventative TVC placed 12/19/12, IC loss on 1/6/15 at 16w3d-Carson
TAC'd w/ Dr Haney on 4/20/15, Bionic cervix is in place with 2 bands!!!
I completely agree with you on porn not being a replacement for you. That is one thing I think as well. If my SO was watching porn and masturbating and never wanting to have sex with me, yes, that would be a huge problem.
This. ^ I've lived this and it's not fun. H was more into his porn and himself than me. I stumbled upon one of his videos and watched part of it. Everything in the video was total opposite of me, which led to a horrible self esteem issue. Needless to say, it really hurt my feelings that H would rather have his hand and a video than me. We had a few fights about it but we worked through it. So now, I don't know about his porn but I know I'm not feeling neglected and that was my issue with porn. I'd much prefer we watch it together though.
Yea I have seen cases where porn does become an addiction and can be very harmful to a relationship/marriage, but not all cases. And I think there are times when the person doesn't realize this is what they are Doug, and like in your case, when approached, they are able to change that behavior. And some can't. And the ones that cannot, have a problem with porn.
Post by heatherj9603 on Jan 27, 2015 10:58:23 GMT -5
We are not pro porn. What other people do is their business. But it's an agreement we have mutually made together. Neither of us "demanded" each other.
I do believe it can be turned into an addiction though. When it starts to replace sex, or its something you turn to when stressed, or you hide it from your partner becsuse you dont want them to know how much you look.
bcp free since 2009~*~ttc since 2012~*~fibroid diagnosed 1/8/15, myomectomy 3/17/15~*~golf ball sized fibroid at the front of uterus removed, no blocked tubes. ~*~benched Til September 2015 for recovery ~*~
3T April siggy challenge. Animal hybrids. The Pugorilla!
I think it is ridiculous to "forbid" a grown man from watching porn. DH rarely does it, but sometimes we'll watch it together if we're in the mood for it. I've even had a friend go as far as saying she wasn't going to watch Magic Mike because she respected and loved her husband too much to do that to him and in a sense it was like watching porn and cheating on him.
We are not pro porn. What other people do is their business. But it's an agreement we have mutually made together. Neither of us "demanded" each other.
I do believe it can be turned into an addiction though. When it starts to replace sex, or its something you turn to when stressed, or you hide it from your partner becsuse you dont want them to know how much you look.
I agree up until the hiding point. If they were hiding it and watching everyday and never being sexually involved with their partner, yes, that's a problem. But I know guys who hide watching porn every so often from their spouse because they would rather not fight. But I think it would be a little unrealistic in some cases to think a guy or even girl won't be curious and watch porn. There are many reasons a person would hide that they are watching porn. Does that create a problem? Eh, I don't think so in every case.
I think it is ridiculous to "forbid" a grown man from watching porn. DH rarely does it, but sometimes we'll watch it together if we're in the mood for it. I've even had a friend go as far as saying she wasn't going to watch Magic Mike because she respected and loved her husband too much to do that to him and in a sense it was like watching porn and cheating on him.
See, this is why I can't be against SO looking. I watch too lol. And I have watched magic mike, just like he has watched monsters ball for the great sex scene. He has a calendar in his workshop of sexy girls in bikinis, I get on GBCB and enjoy the pictures of sexy men on here that get posted lol.
Post by awkwardturtle on Jan 27, 2015 11:06:27 GMT -5
I do agree that you shouldn't "forbid" your partner from doing certain things. However, I do find it hard to completely be super cool about porn. I guess because I grew up super conservatively? Ex: my mom literally wouldn't tell me what "that's BS" actually meant. My logical mind says that it's completely normal to use it to get off, etc. but a little part of me is still uncomfortable. Feel free to enliten me anyone!
Post by anonymouseliza on Jan 27, 2015 11:08:59 GMT -5
Only sort of related. We owned a couple of porns by accident, from back in our college days when our group of friends would occassionally get drunk and watch porn. It was always super-cheesy stuff with bad plot lines, because the point was to make fun of it. (Throbbin' Hood anyone? No? Hilarious) Well we bought one and one was left at our apartment. Since we're not big porn people, they got shoved away and forgotten about. At one point, DH put them in a drawer with his clothes and forgot about them.
When I was pregnant, my mom came to help with getting the nursery ready because I was on a lot of physical restrictions. DH and I went to pick up lunch for all of us and my mom stayed at our house to line the shelves in the dresser we were transitioning from DH to baby. You see where this is going, right? After she left, I went into the drawers to pull out the clothes and move them to the space I'd cleared out for them, and there, right on top of the newly lined shelf were those old dvd's. My mom found them, lined the shelf, replaced them and never let on she saw them. I know she had to be mortified though. I found it hilarious, but my husband was bright red and couldn't look my mom in the face for a couple of months.
I personally am not a fan of porn and have gotten really upset on numerous occasions when DH has mentioned that he watched/watches it. I do not go as far as telling him he absolutely CANNOT watch it, but my preference is for him to stay away from it. However, I realize he is a grown man and responsible for his own actions and I don't want to be a controlling wife. I know this has everything to do with my own insecurities and thoughts of "I must not be good enough" for him. I also feel that if he can have me 24/7, why go that other route? I think our sex life is great and not boring to the point where DH has to find something else to get him off.
DH is also trying to avoid porn for his own personal reasons, but there are definitely times when he gives in and was visibly feeling guilty when he told me. He used to do it a lot more, probably daily, when he wasn't dating anyone, but his mindset is a little different now that we are married. He also shares my feelings about saving sex for the bedroom instead of online. While I definitely don't judge men or women who watch porn for masturbation purposes or together as a couple, it does make our own relationship suffer.
I do agree that you shouldn't "forbid" your partner from doing certain things. However, I do find it hard to completely be super cool about porn. I guess because I grew up super conservatively? Ex: my mom literally wouldn't tell me what "that's BS" actually meant. My logical mind says that it's completely normal to use it to get off, etc. but a little part of me is still uncomfortable. Feel free to enliten me anyone!
Porn is really awkward at first because you feel like you are watching something that should be between two people behind a closed door. But when you get over the uncomfortable and awkward stage of porn, it actually, for some, can get you in the mood.
Our only "rule" is that it shouldn't interfere with our sex life. The only time it bothers me is if I try to initiate sex and then find out MH already masturbated. That hasn't happened in a loooong time though. I do not care that he watches porn. I watch porn occasionally. We like to watch porn together sometimes.
OMG this pisses me off so much but I can't blame MH. My sex drive is all over the place so there have been some days where H will go shower/bathe after work, I'll put the moves on after, and he's like...'oh, my bad'. So now I definitely try to let him know he's getting some so he doesn't take care of himself first.
Post by thechickencoop on Jan 27, 2015 11:13:36 GMT -5
I can't imagine forbidding H to watch porn though. We both watch it, together and alone. ::shrug:: The only problem I have is H has an extensive DVD collection which I want gone because it takes up space and now that we have DS I try to cut down on the amount of crap like that that our kid can find. I don't think either of us have watched a DVD in years...hello internet!! But yea, it's all still in a box on the highest shelf because god forbid I get rid of the porn collection. ::eyeroll::
Only sort of related. We owned a couple of porns by accident, from back in our college days when our group of friends would occassionally get drunk and watch porn. It was always super-cheesy stuff with bad plot lines, because the point was to make fun of it. (Throbbin' Hood anyone? No? Hilarious) Well we bought one and one was left at our apartment. Since we're not big porn people, they got shoved away and forgotten about. At one point, DH put them in a drawer with his clothes and forgot about them.
When I was pregnant, my mom came to help with getting the nursery ready because I was on a lot of physical restrictions. DH and I went to pick up lunch for all of us and my mom stayed at our house to line the shelves in the dresser we were transitioning from DH to baby. You see where this is going, right? After she left, I went into the drawers to pull out the clothes and move them to the space I'd cleared out for them, and there, right on top of the newly lined shelf were those old dvd's. My mom found them, lined the shelf, replaced them and never let on she saw them. I know she had to be mortified though. I found it hilarious, but my husband was bright red and couldn't look my mom in the face for a couple of months.
Omg! That's hilarious! That's ok though, I had an incident of parent/daughter porn findings. Except it was me who found my fathers porn video and I, being a typical 17 high school girl, was MORTIFIED. I avoided him for a few weeks
Post by shadesofgold on Jan 27, 2015 11:14:43 GMT -5
I agree with the majority here - we do not practice or preach that human sexuality is sinful or shameful. Porn and self-pleasure fall within normal human sexuality. We agree that there are some helpful rules and boundaries, like be monogamous, be respectful, your partner is not your property, etc.
I will say that there are certain genres of porn I would be disturbed to find on DH's computer, but he seems to like pretty feminist-friendly porn (or at least has lead me to believe so).
Both myself and DH had a porn addiction before getting married. We abstained from anything sexual before marriage, and I think we both got hooked on porn to fill that void. Because of our pasts, we both have to refrain form watching porn...just a personal decision! Sex is still good!! We recently bought some sex furniture from Liberator, and that has been awesome in mixing things up!!
I agree with the majority here - we do not practice or preach the ideology that human sexuality is inherently sinful and shameful. Porn and self-pleasure fall within normal human sexuality. We agree that there are some helpful rules and boundaries, like be monogamous, be respectful, your partner is not your property, etc.
I will say that there are certain genres of porn I would be disturbed to find on DH's computer, but he seems to like pretty feminist-friendly porn (or at least has lead me to believe so).
Agreed! There are some genres that are just not ok or acceptable, I.e. Underage, non consenting, even some fetishes that are just a little too disturbing
***ETA: Possible trigger warning - sorry this warning isn't in posts quoting this!***
I prosecute a number of child pornography cases, so that's understandably kind of ruined all pornography for me (I try to forget the evidence I have to review (like anyone would!), so I basically avoid anything that could trigger a recollection - they actually train us on things like that, and many people who handle these cases lose interest in porn entirely). And DH was apparently never into it and also understands why I wouldn't want it to be something we viewed together. But so long as everyone involved is 18 I have no problem with porn and I think addiction is the exception rather than the rule. I certainly wouldn't tell DH what he can do in his own time.
I prosecute a number of child pornography cases, so that's understandably kind of ruined all pornography for me (I try to forget the evidence I have to review (like anyone would!), so I basically avoid anything that could trigger a recollection - they actually train us on things like that, and many people who handle these cases lose interest in porn entirely). And DH was apparently never into it and also understands why I wouldn't want it to be something we viewed together. But so long as everyone involved is 18 I have no problem with porn and I think addiction is the exception rather than the rule. I certainly wouldn't tell DH what he can do in his own time.
Yea I can understand your situation. Like I said, I don't agree with all porn. Adults in porn and adults watching adult porn is fine by me. But the underage porn I am not at all fine with
I prosecute a number of child pornography cases, so that's understandably kind of ruined all pornography for me (I try to forget the evidence I have to review (like anyone would!), so I basically avoid anything that could trigger a recollection - they actually train us on things like that, and many people who handle these cases lose interest in porn entirely). And DH was apparently never into it and also understands why I wouldn't want it to be something we viewed together. But so long as everyone involved is 18 I have no problem with porn and I think addiction is the exception rather than the rule. I certainly wouldn't tell DH what he can do in his own time.
That is how I am. I used to watch porn more before my XH's case. It is more of a rare occurrence for me now.
I prosecute a number of child pornography cases, so that's understandably kind of ruined all pornography for me (I try to forget the evidence I have to review (like anyone would!), so I basically avoid anything that could trigger a recollection - they actually train us on things like that, and many people who handle these cases lose interest in porn entirely). And DH was apparently never into it and also understands why I wouldn't want it to be something we viewed together. But so long as everyone involved is 18 I have no problem with porn and I think addiction is the exception rather than the rule. I certainly wouldn't tell DH what he can do in his own time.
Yea I can understand your situation. Like I said, I don't agree with all porn. Adults in porn and adults watching adult porn is fine by me. But the underage porn I am not at all fine with
Yeah, I see some really fucked up stuff that would horrify a normal person (the file names alone are enough to make you sick). I seriously dread the day when I end up having a jury trial on one of those cases because 13 people will have to see things that you really should never have to see. So far I've luckily only had bench trials.
I agree and if H wants to watch porn he can go for it. Like others have said the only time I get frustrated is when he has finished without me and I am really horny.
Yea I can understand your situation. Like I said, I don't agree with all porn. Adults in porn and adults watching adult porn is fine by me. But the underage porn I am not at all fine with
Yeah, I see some really fucked up stuff that would horrify a normal person (the file names alone are enough to make you sick). I seriously dread the day when I end up having a jury trial on one of those cases because 13 people will have to see things that you really should never have to see. So far I've luckily only had bench trials.
Yea I would have a hard time with that. I'm sorry you have to go through that, but you are amazing for helping those children get justice.
Post by wanderingheart on Jan 27, 2015 11:52:47 GMT -5
I do not watch porn. However, I would never force that opinion on anyone. DH has chosen not to view it for his own reasons, a decision he made before we even started dating.
I see the connection between the pornography industry and the human trafficking movement, and that is my main reasoning for not watching porn.
BECAUSE of all I learned during my XH's trial I talked to my current DH about porn. He has a subscription to one site. All parties are adults who are consented properly.
In my opinion, we're both adults and can make our own decisions. As far as I know neither one of us watches much, but I definitely haven't told H that he's not allowed. I only think it's an issue if it starts to negatively impact our relationship. That said, I know that other people have their reasons for not wanting it in their homes and I don't judge them on that.
On the topic of finding someone else's porn, when my grandpa died my cousin and my aunts and uncle were cleaning up his house some and ran across his porn collection.
Then Comes Family, LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising
program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.