In my opinion, we're both adults and can make our own decisions. As far as I know neither one of us watches much, but I definitely haven't told H that he's not allowed. I only think it's an issue if it starts to negatively impact our relationship. That said, I know that other people have their reasons for not wanting it in their homes and I don't judge them on that.
On the topic of finding someone else's porn, when my grandpa died my cousin and my aunts and uncle were cleaning up his house some and ran across his porn collection.
Lol ok finding my dads was horrifying, but if I found my grandfathers, that would be a feeling of "omg, no" and "I'm very impressed grandpa" lol
In my opinion, we're both adults and can make our own decisions. As far as I know neither one of us watches much, but I definitely haven't told H that he's not allowed. I only think it's an issue if it starts to negatively impact our relationship. That said, I know that other people have their reasons for not wanting it in their homes and I don't judge them on that.
On the topic of finding someone else's porn, when my grandpa died my cousin and my aunts and uncle were cleaning up his house some and ran across his porn collection.
Lol ok finding my dads was horrifying, but if I found my grandfathers, that would be a feeling of "omg, no" and "I'm very impressed grandpa" lol
Porn is watched at our house. We both travel quite a bit and so I just assume H still watches it when I am gone, I do when he is gone. I feel like forbidding a SO to do something is just wrong, that is a power struggle waiting to happen. Adults need to make their own decisions. It does not affect our marriage nor is it anyone's business (Sorry Flappy you are not welcome here)
Post by peaseblossom55 on Jan 27, 2015 13:53:43 GMT -5
I have no problem with porn watching. DH said he doesn't watch, I have occasionally. I tried to get him to watch it with me, and he said he would rather do than watch... fine by me :-)
I used to watch A LOT of porn when I was single. I have a really high sex drive and being a single mom didn't give me a lot of opportunities to go out and satisfy it, so porn was a great alternative. DH and I are 100% comfortable watching porn, talking about porn, making our own porn , etc. Oddly enough, we both pretty much stopped watching porn after we moved in together. If I'm home alone, I might pull up a couple videos online, and I'm sure he does the same. However, I definitely think you can become addicted to porn and that it can be damaging to your relationship if it becomes a replacement for the real thing.
Speaking of finding porn..my parents found my porn that I had downloaded on the home computer when I was 17. I came home from a date to find my mom standing in the living room asking, "why is there pornography on our computer?" Holy hell I was scared. She thought my dad had done it, but he didn't even know how to turn on the computer!!! I told her I had done it because "I was curious". Yeah, right.
If it didn't affect our sex life, I would have no issue with H watching porn. However, in the past it did become a replacement for me, therefore it is not welcome in our home. When you find out you were turned down for sex because he was watching porn and jerking off, it's not a great self-esteem booster.. I'm in the other room- am I not good enough? This is a personal decision that we have made and not for everyone. Will I forbid my husband from viewing porn? No, but he sees how upset it makes me therefore he chooses not to view it.
Now, when he does his SA- he is more than welcome to use porn to help if needed! He probably won't, just because that does open up new temptations.
MrsRC-33, MrRC-37. TTC#1 since 2/13. DX: T2 diet controlled diabetic, removed multiple fibroids blocking tubes, via robotic myomectomy, hysteroscopy and D&C on 5/15. CD3 b/w normal. HSG normal after surgery. On the bench April-June 2015. NTNP indefinitely. Loss mentioned.
I don't care at all if MH watches porn, although he does not watch much. I also don't care if he goes to a strip club with his buddies on occasion, but I know plenty of women who are highly against that too.
Oh yes! The dolphin goes on tour to schools and teaches them about how masturbation is wrong. He goes to schools!
Best part is he was arrested for masturbation! Bwahahaha
Dang, if my job was to spend all day talking about porn and masterbation I would need a flappy break here and there myself.
Post by aussielove on Jan 27, 2015 21:40:35 GMT -5
H is an adult and can look at whatever he wants. Honestly, most of the porn watching in our house is done together. I can say that it has opened a lot of doors and helped us explore what we like and are interested in trying together. So obviously it isn't super weird porn, but its lead to a few great nights and a lot more open communication.
I think if you take porn for what it is and use it as a tool it can do a lot of good for a marriage.
Me:27 H: 28 Married: June 2011 TTC: September 2014 Testing April/May 2016 DX Anovulation, possible PCOS May/June 2016: Clomid+Dexamethasone+Ovidrel+TI: beta hell, ruptured ectopic, lost left tube October 2016: TI#2: Clomid+Meopur+Ovidrel+PIO
Post by notlindsrockies on Jan 27, 2015 22:01:24 GMT -5
I am also in the no porn camp. I believe it can become an powerfully addictive habit that has the potential to damage relationships and marriages. I am not judging others who do choose to allow it into their homes, it's just something I choose not to look at or participate in.
I don't watch legit porn at all. I had some experiences when I was young that prevents me from looking at porn in a sexual manner, and not as something more shameful and uncomfortable. I look at soft core stuff on occasion, but not often. Honestly, I wish I could enjoy it more.
My husband watches porn at times...mostly just pictures on the internet. I have no problem with this and it has never affected our sex lives at all.
Post by icaughtfire on Jan 27, 2015 22:23:15 GMT -5
We've watched it together, and I'm sure he's watched it on his own but it's not something we discuss. I wouldn't be shocked if I watch it more than he does.
We work mostly opposite schedules and I'm on my own a lot of nights. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
I know H watches it more than me. Sometimes he feels bad waking me up really early. I'm not so friendly in the mornings. We did have a discussion about making sure he doesn't keep his hands to himself when I'm in my fertile window. Otherwise, I don't really care what he's doing.
Post by SpraggleFrock on Jan 28, 2015 0:14:53 GMT -5
I don't know if DH watches it or not. If he does I don't care because we still have sex all the time. I'm fairly sure he asks for blow jobs and sex too often to be jacking off too though. I've watched it before but mostly find it funny/corny and it doesn't turn me on.
Porn makes me feel insecure. Bam. Said it. Flame away.
I think it's unrealistic, sets up unrealistic expectations for what I should look like, act like, orgasm like, etc etc etc and the bullshittery of it annoys me.
I don't care about masturbation as long as its not replacing me/him.
Porn makes me feel insecure. Bam. Said it. Flame away.
I think it's unrealistic, sets up unrealistic expectations for what I should look like, act like, orgasm like, etc etc etc and the bullshittery of it annoys me.
I don't care about masturbation as long as its not replacing me/him.
You won't get any flames from me. I don't mind people not wanting porn in their homes, I just don't want them telling me my relationship will suffer because I allow porn, just as, they wouldn't want me to say theirs would suffer because they don't allow it. This post was simply to find out how many and why.
In all seriousness though. Porn is great! SO watches it and I honestly probably watch way more than him. I don't get why some people are so anti porn.
This. I'm 100% positive I watch porn more than H does. IMO, it helps keep our relationship (and sex life) healthy. I understand it can become a problem, but for the most part I think it's ridiculous to "ban" it.
Post by kawaiikitsune on Jan 28, 2015 15:18:32 GMT -5
I'm pretty sure I watch way more porn than MH. He admitted that he does indulge on occasion. I honestly don't care because our sex life is not affected. We are 100% completely open and honest about it. As long as you keep communication key, I don't think it is much of an issue.
Post by fuzzylogic on Jan 28, 2015 18:25:38 GMT -5
I don't care if he does, but I would appreciate it if he said, "btw, I watch porn -- not because I feel anything is lacking in our sexual relationship, but for entertainment" or something along those lines. I once found some porn in H's computer history and was kind of hurt, and felt inadequate. But that was awhile ago and I'm older and wiser now. But a heads up would be nice.
Totally cool with it, though. Watch if you want, don't if you don't.
Post by juliayadda on Jan 28, 2015 19:15:34 GMT -5
I have to say I dont watch a lot of porn... BUT!!! I sure do read it!
My H benefits from this by my libido increasing. I have no clue what he is into porn wise, but I did have to lay down the law on FW masturbation, as we ended up missing more than one month.
Post by Belcher_Ears on Jan 28, 2015 19:28:02 GMT -5
Well MH and I are definitely in the minority here. We are a no porn home. This is something we both agreed upon prior to marriage due to our shared beliefs. If that was not a shared belief, that would have been something I had to decide if I could live with in my marriage or not. Telling someone they cannot do something doesn't usually work. Or at least not long term. A person changed against their will isn't really changed at all...
So, all that being said, what other couples do in their bedrooms is none of my business. So do what you do and we'll do what we do.
Well MH and I are definitely in the minority here. We are a no porn home. This is something we both agreed upon prior to marriage due to our shared beliefs. If that was not a shared belief, that would have been something I had to decide if I could live with in my marriage or not. Telling someone they cannot do something doesn't usually work. Or at least not long term. A person changed against their will isn't really changed at all...
So, all that being said, what other couples do in their bedrooms is none of my business. So do what you do and we'll do what we do.
This. THIS is an appropriate response for people with moral (or other) objections to it. I admit, I have a moral objection to it. My morals, however, are my own. My choices are my own. We are a no porn house, but admittedly we both struggle with it (let's face it....it's fun...especially in bed when you need to revv the engine). It's our choice, no one else's. Plus I recently discovered dirty audios....*steam*
My husband and I actually read this thread together and had a good chat about it. (I swear this site has been so good for us!) We both agree that if you are so morally against porn that you are going to "forbid it" or force someone to stop....you better make sure you are marrying someone with that same value. Otherwise you are setting your marriage up for failure. If there is something you feel SO STRONGLY about you are going to force it on someone else, you better make sure they are with you on it because force does not a good marriage make. It's not force when you both agree.
Post by diamondsndaisies on Jan 28, 2015 20:43:14 GMT -5
I will watch porn from time to time. If I'm feeling particularly frisky it just adds to our 4-play. I dont mind that DH does. It's a not a big deal if it's not done all the time.
X-h was an undiagnosed sex addict and was CONSTANTLY watching porn, maturbating, looking up want adds for pictures and still expecting it from me every day. He had a problem. This was one of the many problems in our marriage. So I understand why it isn't allowed in some families homes. I personally think if it is used occasionally and for use in the bedroom it's totally fine. I do love me some good porn.
I will watch porn from time to time. If I'm feeling particularly frisky it just adds to our 4-play. I dont mind that DH does. It's a not a big deal if it's not done all the time.
X-h was an undiagnosed sex addict and was CONSTANTLY watching porn, maturbating, looking up want adds for pictures and still expecting it from me every day. He had a problem. This was one of the many problems in our marriage. So I understand why it isn't allowed in some families homes. I personally think if it is used occasionally and for use in the bedroom it's totally fine. I do love me some good porn.
Also that motherfucker completely killed my computer because of it. Years with of pictures music, documents etc GONE! I was livid.
Post by mlgnumbers on Jan 28, 2015 21:27:26 GMT -5
Here's the thing about porn and any other component of intimate behavior: It absolutely must be consensual.
Honesty and Consent are the bedrock of a healthy, fulfilling, respectful intimate relationship between partners. Ideally, there should be a thorough discussion of these issues before any long-term commitments are made. Unfortunately, the prudish conservative stance that is still preached in many circles discourages honesty and openness. Tons of shame is heaped upon these subjects, and thorough discussions are avoided at all costs.
While I don't believe that any partner should forbid another partner from certain behaviors, I do believe that every partner should love and respect the other partner enough to abstain from hurtful behavior.
And, from a totally different angle, porn bothers me because of the far-reaching effects of the industry. I'm bothered by the insatiable desire for pornography and the fact that unwilling children and adults are abused and used as objects for others' entertainment.
So, basically, if it bothers either partner, then I believe the home should be porn-free. And, if it doesn't bother either partner, then I feel like we have a responsibility to only support legal/safe pornography, if such a thing exists.
Well MH and I are definitely in the minority here. We are a no porn home. This is something we both agreed upon prior to marriage due to our shared beliefs. If that was not a shared belief, that would have been something I had to decide if I could live with in my marriage or not. Telling someone they cannot do something doesn't usually work. Or at least not long term. A person changed against their will isn't really changed at all...
So, all that being said, what other couples do in their bedrooms is none of my business. So do what you do and we'll do what we do.
This. THIS is an appropriate response for people with moral (or other) objections to it. I admit, I have a moral objection to it. My morals, however, are my own. My choices are my own. We are a no porn house, but admittedly we both struggle with it (let's face it....it's fun...especially in bed when you need to revv the engine). It's our choice, no one else's. Plus I recently discovered dirty audios....*steam*
My husband and I actually read this thread together and had a good chat about it. (I swear this site has been so good for us!) We both agree that if you are so morally against porn that you are going to "forbid it" or force someone to stop....you better make sure you are marrying someone with that same value. Otherwise you are setting your marriage up for failure. If there is something you feel SO STRONGLY about you are going to force it on someone else, you better make sure they are with you on it because force does not a good marriage make. It's not force when you both agree.
Exactly! I think my biggest issue, and why I started this thread was because of the girl's idea (the one I mention in OP) was that porn will harm ALL relationships and marriages and NO ONE should watch porn and porn should be made illegal. Let's face it, porn will never be illegal. It brings way too much money to ever be considered illegal. But to tell strangers that they are harming themselves and relationships is absurd. For all the ladies here who said they don't watch porn, you also said, "but hey, what you do is what you do. No big deal" that's how it should be. Everyone's responses here were what I felt as well.
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