Let's keep talking sex...

[ttcminicofer]

***possible trigger warnings in comments***

So, this morning I got on my Instagram and a girl had posted something about porn being a drug, addictive, it changes your brain, affects your behavior, and escalates. Hmm.
I completely disagree with this. She stated "porn isn't allowed in our home and my husband isn't allowed to watch porn ever and he won't because we have a healthy marriage" this just irritated me because it came off very judgey to those who do watch and "allow" porn in their relationship.
I watch porn and so does SO. I would never think to tell my grown ass fiancé, "you are not allowed to watch porn" but after reading the comments I saw, a lot of women do. And a lot don't allow porn in their homes. One of the tags was then "no fap movement" basically trying to stop people from masturbating. No. That is completely normal and healthy and shouldn't be viewed as a disgusting habit that will become a drug.
Anyway, got me thinking and I responded with my thoughts to her, but I'm curious:
Do you allow your SO to watch porn or allow porn in your home? (I completely cringe at the word "allow" but am using it based on what she said) What are your thoughts?

ETA: to address possible trigger warnings in comments

[ttcminicofer]

I also want to clarify, I do know that porn can be very bad and escalate for SOME. I just didn't like that she used it towards any and all that watch porn.

[SheilaTheTank]

[SheilaTheTank]

In all seriousness though. Porn is great! SO watches it and I honestly probably watch way more than him. I don't get why some people are so anti porn.

[teenybenoit]

My DH is not all that into porn, I can take it or leave it but to me if it gets you going, it's no different then role playing or toys. All in the name of pleasure so long as it doesn't take you away from sex or intimacy with your SO

[crazytallgiraffe]

I think that's ridiculous. My H Is free to watch porn, I do. Hell, sometimes we even watch it together.

[mustloveerica]

I'm not really into it myself. DH is free to do what he wants as long as it doesn't interfere with fertile week :-)

[dovahfel]

I have no problem if people want to ban porn from their household. As long as everyone in the home (except the minors, of course!) agrees. My husband and I agree that porn isn't something we want to be looking at (our choice) but admittedly sometimes it's too good not to. I know my husband looks.  He knows I do.  We both want to not do that anymore so we encourage one another in that, but it doesn't bother either of us that the other does.  We, you know, TRUST each other. The thing is...that's OUR choice, no one else's.

What I have a problem with is her "healthy marriage" statement. Sorry, no. Believe what you will, do what you will, but leave my marriage out of it!

[Daikoku]

For some, things like porn, food, alcohol, exercise, etc. can become an addiction. I don't think that warrants putting a blanket label on these things as something to avoid or evil. H and I sometimes enjoy watching porn together. We also sometimes enjoy eating food, exercising, or drinking alcohol together.

[SheilaTheTank]

Jan 27, 2015 10:04:57 GMT -5 bluebird44 said:

Is that dolphin thing for real?

I don't care at all if MH watches porn, although he does not watch much. I also don't care if he goes to a strip club with his buddies on occasion, but I know plenty of women who are highly against that too.

Oh yes! The dolphin goes on tour to schools and teaches them about how masturbation is wrong. He goes to schools!


Best part is he was arrested for masturbation! Bwahahaha

[spaghettioh]

I watch porn every so often and I know DH watches it regularly. Seems ridiculous to me to "not allow" your SO to watch porn, so long as it's not interfering with your sex life.

This kind of reminds me of the movie "Don Jon" with Joseph Gordon Levitt. Anybody?

[anonymouseliza]

I only know that he watches porn because I found it on the computer accidentally. I asked him about it calmly, and he said he doesn't watch much but now and then he does. Well, that's fine by me. Now and then I read erotica and get busy with my vibrator. We are both tired a lot and don't always have the energy for a romp, but do have a couple of minutes to take care of business ourselves.

It's only a problem for me if it becomes replacement for me on a regular basis, and so long as our kids aren't getting into it. I don't watch porn, unless it's in a big group, with a lot of booze for a laugh. Well-written erotica though . . .

I do understand that this is an issue for some women though, for very personal or deep seated reasons. So I don't necessarily judge, unless it's something that hasn't been discussed and a compromise reached, you know? I don't think a relationship in which one half issues orders to the other half without mutual discussion and accord is especially healthy.

[SheilaTheTank]

I also don't like the idea of "not allowing" my husband to do something like he is a four year old. He's a grown man and can make his own decisions. There are things he does that I don't like and voice my displeasure but I would never control him like that.

[ttcminicofer]

I am with all of you on this. I just don't like the feeling that she thinks everyone will become addicted. And we don't masturbate during FW either, but I know there are times he will outside of that window and I don't care. I do too. dovahfel that's what bothered me was the fact that she seemed to bash marriages and relationships that allow porn in them. We are perfectly healthy and fine and if anything, porn watching gets is in the mood for sex some nights

[thewickedfairy]

I watch porn, so does H, and sometimes we watch together. Masturbation is also a healthy release. As long as those two things are not interfering with my sex life or FW, then I say have at it. I had a friend of mine that made a very judgey statement about 50 Shades and how she won't be going to see it because her marriage is perfect and she has respect for her husband. To each their own but to make judgey statements like that is wrong.

[singingsea]

I love porn and masturbating.

[joy]

My husband is an adult and can do what he wants. If it doesn't affect our marriage or our savings then I don't much care.

[ttcminicofer]

Jan 27, 2015 10:14:51 GMT -5 anonymouseliza said:

I only know that he watches porn because I found it on the computer accidentally. I asked him about it calmly, and he said he doesn't watch much but now and then he does. Well, that's fine by me. Now and then I read erotica and get busy with my vibrator. We are both tired a lot and don't always have the energy for a romp, but do have a couple of minutes to take care of business ourselves.

It's only a problem for me if it becomes replacement for me on a regular basis, and so long as our kids aren't getting into it. I don't watch porn, unless it's in a big group, with a lot of booze for a laugh. Well-written erotica though . . .

I do understand that this is an issue for some women though, for very personal or deep seated reasons. So I don't necessarily judge, unless it's something that hasn't been discussed and a compromise reached, you know? I don't think a relationship in which one half issues orders to the other half without mutual discussion and accord is especially healthy.

I completely agree with you on porn not being a replacement for you. That is one thing I think as well. If my SO was watching porn and masturbating and never wanting to have sex with me, yes, that would be a huge problem.

[spartanchick88]

Look! Fappy is coming to my town!

Porn is fine by me as long as it's kept in check. We went through a period where DH was gettin down with porn and not with me - I put an end to that real quick (pardon my grammar). That was about 11 years ago and things have been fine since so bring on the porn!

[inwinethereistruth]

My H and I used to watch a lot more porn in the past. I very rarely watch now, and when I do its with my H. No problem with porn, it just doesnt get my jollies in the mood like it used to. My H is over the age of 5 and can therefore decide what he wants to do. If he wants to watch porn, I am A-OK with that. I totally masturbate as does my H. It is very healthy.

[mustloveerica]

Also, I travel quite a bit for work. It would be cruel of me to forbid DH to watch porn when I'm gone.

[ttcminicofer]

Jan 27, 2015 10:21:52 GMT -5 spartanchick88 said:

Look! Fappy is coming to my town!

Porn is fine by me as long as it's kept in check. We went through a period where DH was gettin down with porn and not with me - I put an end to that real quick (pardon my grammar). That was about 11 years ago and things have been fine since so bring on the porn!

I laughed very hard at "flappy is coming to town" LOL

[GoBigOrGoGnome]

We have both watched it by ourselves and together. I think just by default since we started living together we both watch less. But there is no restriction and I don't really care as long as he still prefers sex with me.

We also both masturbate and it blows my mind that some people have an issue with it. 

[achromia]

I agree with the majority on this one. MH is a grown man and if he wants to watch porn, so be it. He doesn't watch excessively or try to hide it from me. He is still a loving and attentive partner, and it hasn't affected our TTC efforts in the least. If anything, it gives me insight into things that excite him that we can try ourselves.

[rufus426]

This dolphin can't be serious. It says masturbation is a gateway drug to rape??? WTF??

DH masturbates and so do I. He watches porn very rarely, but that is not at all because of me. As long as it doesn't interfere with our sex life, I don't care. I agree that if he were watching porn and masturbating and never having sex with me, then it would be a problem.

[dovahfel]

Jan 27, 2015 10:17:52 GMT -5 ttcminicofer said:

I am with all of you on this. I just don't like the feeling that she thinks everyone will become addicted. And we don't masturbate during FW either, but I know there are times he will outside of that window and I don't care. I do too. dovahfel that's what bothered me was the fact that she seemed to bash marriages and relationships that allow porn in them. We are perfectly healthy and fine and if anything, porn watching gets is in the mood for sex some nights

Well I have to be honest...there are times in my FW that we just can NOT get it going to sex.  We're exhausted or just plain not feeling it.  Well, mother nature dictates that certain things have to happen at that time if we even want a shot at getting KU...so....we bust out the pr0n to help things along.

[risscaboobs]

Our only "rule" is that it shouldn't interfere with our sex life. The only time it bothers me is if I try to initiate sex and then find out MH already masturbated. That hasn't happened in a loooong time though. I do not care that he watches porn. I watch porn occasionally. We like to watch porn together sometimes.

[expatmama11]

I have no problem with my husband watching porn and I know that he does. Sometimes we even watch together.

I would suspect a lot of women who say their husbands aren't allowed just don't know that they are doing it behind their backs.

[ironsexer]

I agree with most of the previous posters. I think it is wrong and completely disrespectful to forbid your husband to do something. It really pisses me off when women get all pissy about their SO watching porn or going to strip clubs. Personally, I think I'm more into porn then my DH but most of the time we watch it together. It makes for some fun sometimes hilarious sex after/during.

On another note, my sister in law is one of those prude/selfish women that doesn't allow porn in her house and will also withhold sex as a punishment and I know her H has been cheating on her for 4 of the 5 years they have been married. I think they are both wrong but I also think there are some deeper issues going on when a woman feels like she has to forbid something.

[ttcminicofer]

Jan 27, 2015 10:30:27 GMT -5 dovahfel said:

Jan 27, 2015 10:17:52 GMT -5 ttcminicofer said:

I am with all of you on this. I just don't like the feeling that she thinks everyone will become addicted. And we don't masturbate during FW either, but I know there are times he will outside of that window and I don't care. I do too. dovahfel that's what bothered me was the fact that she seemed to bash marriages and relationships that allow porn in them. We are perfectly healthy and fine and if anything, porn watching gets is in the mood for sex some nights

Well I have to be honest...there are times in my FW that we just can NOT get it going to sex.  We're exhausted or just plain not feeling it.  Well, mother nature dictates that certain things have to happen at that time if we even want a shot at getting KU...so....we bust out the pr0n to help things along.

Yep, we have done this as well. SO is on a medication for his PTSD that kills his sex drive some nights and is hard for him to stay motivated, which causes problems during the FW, so there has been one night where he started watching porn and continued watching while getting things started and was able to finish without the porn. Porn helps us in the case sometimes. I know he is sexually and physically attracted to me and I don't take offense because I know it is his medication that causes the issues sometimes